to ask if it's difficult to be friends with childless people?

[CoolToned]

I don't have children.

So sorry, bananafish.

To answer the Op, most of our friends don't have children, so yes it definitely is possible! Some are people we've known since before kids, others we've met since.

Banana I'm so sorry about your miscarriage, it's just extra cruel after everything you have gone through to get pregnant in the first place. You're right there needs to be a word to describe that gut wrenching feeling you get when dealing with pregnancy/new baby news. I was in a similar place in terms of feeling that I was running out of luck/time etc a few years ago. The uncertainty of not knowing if it would ever happen is agonising. I was part of a group on here for long term ttc and it was the only thing that kept me sane (ish!)
The infertility board on here is full of amazing people as I'm sure you know. Good luck with your next steps X

I had 2 very close friends before I had DD1. We saw each other a couple of times a week - one in particular was a lot like me and we both had midweek days off work so would go for walks and cafe trips as well as the usual nights out.

Me having DD1 coincided with her going to a 9-5 role so our midweek meet ups dried up.

They have become "best friends" since I had D.C. and regularly refer to each other as such - it can be a bit hurtful but I recognise we don't really have much in common any more.

I often try to meet up with them individually and as part of our wider social group but they have such varied social lives (several gigs and minibreaks per month) that they just don't prioritise fitting me in. So it isn't me that's too busy / tired / skint at all!

However one of the other girls from our social circle has been wonderfully kind, part of our lives and so much fun. As it happens she has now had her first baby (I have 3) but she was always there when the D.C. were small and equally happy to go National Trusting or on a caravan holiday as she is to go out in the evening. Her and her DH (and now DD) are very precious to us all. She had a very demanding career pre-DD but it just shows it is down to the individuals and their circumstances - neither "parents" or "childfree" people are a homogenous group

And being child free does not equal 'gallivanting about'. I have just spent my first night away from my home town in about 20 years. I don't travel, I don't go out in the evenings, I don't have a lavish lifestyle. So those who paint all child free people as irresponsible, immature party animals who don't care about you and your lifestyle are exaggerating somewhat. Yes most of us know people like that but, just like the mums who talk only about their PFB and nappies, feeding, sleep deprivation, they are at the extreme end of the scale.

Most people are somewhere in the middle and have common ground

For the love of fuck, I at no point said that living child free equalled gallivanting about. Why do some people try so fucking hard to find things offensive?

If that was in response to my comment, I was making a general point, not having a dig at you. Any thread about childfree people always seems to include the stereotype of the travelling, partying lifestyle and I was just pointing out that most child free people live ordinary lives too.

Nobody is 'offended', so you need to chill the fuck out. Are you always prone to overreacting?

alltouchedout

Why do some people try so fucking hard to find things offensive?

Ironic don't you think?

I quite like being friends with childless people as they are usually free to meet up in the evening, no worries about finding a babysitter or whose turn it is to be the one who stays in!

god yes it can be.
I have a very dear friend who wanted to come and visit me, she lives 8 hours away by car.
She wanted to come up mid week because she was on annual leave. She was so persistent.
I had work part time, school runs and dinners to cook and general life to get on with so I put her off as much as I could.
She just doesn't understand its not like what it used to be and we can't just drop in on each other like sisters anymore.
She was visiting yesterday near by on holiday and wanted me to meet her and take dd on the train and just wander around and sight see but its just not the same when you have a child in tow so I left it.
I feel like such a crap friend but I've changed as a person so much and my priorities have changed.

Blimey Diamond that's awful.

Diamond that's awful. All she wanted to do was see a close friend and didn't even ask you to leave your child at home. I do hope she has better friends.

Not difficult at all. I would have to stop and think about whether people I like have children or not. But then I avoid mixing friends and children so that makes it easier. I spend time with friends or children, never both.

Of course it isn't. The end

it does alter what you are free and available to do, and the types of activities, if you want to, or are expected to take the child....

Eg my three year old still naps for two hours after lunch (a treat!) and won't sleep anywhere but her bed...so weekend lunches are an issue for some of my single child free friends who want to sleep in until lunchtime and then meet up. We are up with the lark so an early breakfast suits us...my child free friends would rather sleep...and I don't blame them.

Last week another friend suggested meeting at the beach (we live overseas). We love the beach and go every weekend, but we are there from .8-2...this doesn't work for them.

Also a 3 year olds bedtime is much earlier than theirs...we eat out regularly with our daughter in nice restaurants but it's dinner at 5 or 6 and home by 8...this is way too early for my child free friends who always decline.

I combat this by having a nanny and a hands on husband who are good at babysitting and childcare so I get to spend time alone with my friends and travel regularly with them...but day to day things are different.

Depends on the sort of person they are. My friends new partner has no children of his own. They're serious now and he's taken to the kids like a duck to water and when me and my friend have a nails day (I'm a nail tech) he watches all of our kids so we don't have to keep stopping and starting. He's very easy to spend time around with our kids.

Some people just aren't though. It's anot individual thing. Ifor I get time away from my kids I find it difficult to get involved with anyone else's tbh.

In fact this has just made me realise how much easier I find it to spend time with childless people or people who's kids are older.

Of the three people I mainly spend time with one if the friend mentioned above and the other two one has teenagers (who are incredibly funny and I genuinely enjoy seeing them they are lovely young ladies) and one has two grown up children who are my age.

Diamond I feel sorry for your friend tbh :/

Could you not have left your DD with your dp? Or if not / or if you don't have one, why couldn't you just have brought her out with you??

Its lovely your friend thinks so much of you she would drive for 8 hours, and yet that's your attitude towards her? Wow.

I have 3 and tbh I bring them all out quite often with my child free friends. they fit into my life and what I want to do, not the other way round.

My dc are my priority of course they are, but also keeping friends and my own life and interests are prob my next priority.

Times change and priorities change. People change. You are friends with people you jell with. Whether you or they have friends is immaterial.

Actually we have lost a good friend as she insisted on her kids coming on all meet ups and they are utter brats who she sees as utterly adorable.

I didn't inflict my kids on people.