My son shat by the footpath.

[LumpyMcBentface]

He said he was going for a wee, on our twenty minute walk home from school. He went behind a bush next to the footpath. When I went to pull his trousers up the evidence was there to see (and smell). He proclaimed innocence to start with and then giggled uncontrollably all the way home.

I usually have poo bags with me but I'd left the dog at home and hadn't considered I'd need them for walking a five year old. So I had to leave it.

We scarpered down the path and I think we got away with it, but I am mortified.

Should I have gone back to clean it up? I considered it but then, erm, didn't. I'm now feeling a bit guilty.

How bad is this? Please tell me your children are as gross as mine!

This actually really made me laugh.

If you are out walking a dog, I'd expect you to have bags with you to clean up after it. If you are out with a toddler, I'd expect you to have nappies, nappy bags etc. If you're out with a 5-year-old? How could you predict that? It was accident. I'd flee the scene and hope no one saw me. No, I wouldn't go back for it.

It happens, he is only 5.

deposited a big diarrhoea into a rabbit hole

That poor bunny :(

compared to my MIL going for shit down the woods because DH was painting her bathroom and she didn't like to interupt...

WTF? Who does that? That's one of the most ludicrous things I've ever read on here.

I think I just cracked one of my ribs laughing at the diarrhoea down rabbit hole story. I was trying to not make noise but bent in a funny way trying to hold in the laughter. Thank you so much for this brilliant thread.

(everyone is asleep)

I'm sure he didn't just squeeze one out as some sort of middle finger to society

between that and otter off a bank, I am dying

I think you've outed yourself OP; are you Jools Oliver?

These things happen and it made me laugh thinking of him giggling all the way home. My son thinks it's hilarious when he sneaks a fart out.

I'm going to risk being ostracised by the regulars here and go against the tide on this one.

I agree with soupdragon. Why is not picking up your child's shit any different to not picking up after your dog? Because frankly it really isn't.

And I would safely bet everything I have that had it been a newbie or less familiar poster who had started this thread, the general consensus would have been very different.

There. I said it. Flame away. I expect it.

My lovely Grandma once did a poo in the bushes on the bank of a very famous river. Poor thing fell suddenly ill and couldn't hold it.

She's still mortified about it years later. We all love to bring it up and roar with laughter (my Pop being the ringleader )

These things happen, OP.

Omg, I'm lying in bed wide awake at 4 am due to allergies and my little boy is asleep next to me, I keep having to turn my face into my pillow to muffle the laughing! Absolutely brilliant thread!

Also, I pick up our dog's poo religiously. Unlike the many others who clearly don't on the footpath leading from school. So I feel balanced, karma wise Maybe your dog will eat it - that will be karma!

whomakestherules soupy is a regular. Her posting history dawns back to when mnet was internet primordial soup.

No one disagrees it would be better to have picked it up. But it was a genuine accident and I do object to posters saying slagging off a four year old boy and I don't need strike outs to say I think that's fucking despicable keyboard warrior behaviour when posters do that regular or not.

I did find the predicament funny. Lots of other posters did, regardless of posting history which only came up because a poster declared troll which is against the guidelines.

Fwiw, I live near a village that hosts a regular international event and walk my dog through an area that is often granted for camping ..... It is riddled with human shit after the event despite the landowner providing facilities and it's not all from small little boys that guy caught short. That I find less sympathetically funny to relate to. As no accident is involved.

I nearly always have a bottle of water on the pushchair so I swill the area a bit afterwards
that made me really laugh.

OP chill out, if it's a rural type path that kind of thing happens. If you were in London with risk of people rampaging through the bush and you knew where it was I'd go. back.

Once in a busy city centre I almost walked into a human shit , right there in the middle of a pavement . Rank.

I personally think I'd have gone back to be honest but there you go.

Now I agree that is utterly rank rachel

Aw, give the OP a break! Not only have I found this thread highly amusing but I can bet it's more common that people assume at that age. When my niece was at primary, she almost always had to have a wee on the way home - because she was absolutely terrified of the school toilets. We were lucky because there was a hotel en-route to home and we used to nip in there.

Staff were very accommodating but rather bemused....

We woke up at Glastonbury one morning to find a human poo by our tent's ropes. We were maybe 15 metres from the toilets too, dirty fuckers. Most people manage to make it that far. Maybe we just pissed someone off and it was their attempt at a 'poo through the letter box' retribution. Anyway, that was an adult. A 5yo is a different matter, but still should have been cleared up.

Who sometimes accidents happen and you are caught unawares, that is life! How the hell can you pick up diahorrea, its water. It happens. With a dog you know that they will poo on the walk, so you carry bags, with a usually reliable and toilet trained 4 year old, it happens your totally unprepared.

How do people know the difference of a human and a dog shit?

Size, shape and colour tend to distinguish between them. Smell too if you're unfortunate enough to tread in it.

We have a lot of human excrement in the alley by our office due to a couple of homeless guys who sleep in the car park next to the alley. It's quite distinctive and we never confuse it with dogshit!

My big dog does a poo that could pass as one of DH's

Erm ... how often do you pick up / study your DH's turds in order to make a valid comparison

We should have a game of "Name that Turd" - human or dog (with bonus points if you can name the breed).