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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to find Mumsnet quite depressing

103 replies

Blueskyrain · 23/09/2016 14:36

I used to be an active member of a forum which was a lot about relationships etc, similar to here but younger, less about kids etc.

That ended up being shut down rather suddenly and I've eventually signed up for here because I miss forum debates, chat etc. But I'm finding it a bit depressing.

Is there a positive section that I'm missing or something? Obviously I understand that a lot of people come here for advice and are in awful situations, but it all seems to be about genuinely useless men, thinking other men are useless and breaking up, with very little in the way of really happy threads.

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 23/09/2016 15:11

I often find it depressing too. But you can see the post titles before you click on them so Im selective about posts I choose to read. Anything thats pretend wide eyed racism innocence "AIBU to not understand why black people...", goady bunfight inciting titles, wedding ones where it seems pleasure is taken in absolutely scorning the bride and crowing "weddings are boring!" in jaded fashion, I tend to swerve

I like reading the relationships board but have moments when I have to avoid for weeks on end because it makes my blood boil how women are treated, and how often "do you think he's depressed, OP?" is asked; as if depression is an excuse for treating a woman like shit or indeed, everyon e who suffers depression is a violent bully as standard - clearly they're not, so character/choice of actions comes into it but thats too often ignored

I suppose all internet boards have their woes though. Chat is a good section alongside others on here which are fine. Not all pristine (that would be boring!) but a mix of good and bad as opposed to mainly horrible/goady

RawPrawn · 23/09/2016 15:11

Basically, is it for support with issues only, or is it more of an online community dealing with the good as well as the bad

I think of it as a place where I can go to meet clever, funny women and be reassured that the world is full of them, even if they are usually drowned out by thick, arrogant, over-promoted men.

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2016 15:13

If you have the right topics hidden it greatly improves things. Plus hide threads with titles that make you think Hmm without even opening them.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 23/09/2016 15:13

I'm not sure what you wanted to achieve with the thread OP? Did you expect a rush of apologies and promises to be much more cheerful ?
There are loads of different topics here, each with a different atmosphere. If you don't like any of them then maybe this just isn't the place for you. There is more than one message board on the internet you know.

BillSykesDog · 23/09/2016 15:15

...er you missed off that list 'threads complaining about how rubbish Mumsnet is'.

PurpleDaisies · 23/09/2016 15:17

...er you missed off that list 'threads complaining about how rubbish Mumsnet is'.

Maybe we should ask for a topic! There do seem to be lots of them lately.

CozyAutumn · 23/09/2016 15:18

OP were you a member of Bounty by any chance?

AGenie · 23/09/2016 15:19

If you find a long running support thread it can be very nice. The trolls usually pile in at the beginning of new threads, but if you join a long running thread with a community of regulars it is much nicer.

RortyCrankle · 23/09/2016 15:19

It's a bit like the News isn't it. You don't often get happy, positive stories, it's more likely to be flooding or bombing or Syria etc.

To be honest I'm not sure how happy, positive threads would work on here. Someone coud write eg 'I love my husband, he loves me and the kids and we are really happy'. How do you respond to that? And..........?

Nearlyadoctor · 23/09/2016 15:20

Try Christmas, Style and beauty, or any of the bookie threads - all light hearted and fun!

Arcadia · 23/09/2016 15:23

I sometimes agree OP however I have just had some really lovely supportive and genuinely helpful and constructive advice about my career on this thread:
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2738389-if-you-gave-up-a-career-job-for-other-work-tell-me-if-you-regretted-it
After my DD was born the mental health board was literally a lifeline.
I like the parking threads and the ones about people's salaries Blush

Original poster
Blueskyrain · 23/09/2016 15:23

Nope, it wasn't bounty.
I don't hope to achieve anything in particular, though pointing me to Chat has helped, so clearly there has been a purpose in it :-)

OP posts:
ShouldHaveBeenJess · 23/09/2016 15:27

AIBU is brutal, but I have thick skin. Pretty much crocodilian. Chat is more friendly. I have a list of topics/threads I avoid; usually anything to do with 'badly behaved children', SN, benefit recipients, addiction, trans threads, child support.....it's actually quite lengthy! But there is fun and warmth and support to be found on here. I find the more salacious or controversial the thread is, the more likely it will bring all kinds of loathsome types out from beneath their rocks. Don't give up!

Original poster
Blueskyrain · 23/09/2016 15:29

Thanks :-)

How do I find chat other than the link I was given? I can't see it on the list?

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueskyrain · 23/09/2016 15:32

I think of it as a place where I can go to meet clever, funny women and be reassured that the world is full of them, even if they are usually drowned out by thick, arrogant, over-promoted men.

See, that's full of the negativity and man hating again.

There are thick, arrogant men, but the majority, like women, are perfectly decent.

OP posts:
Anicechocolatecake · 23/09/2016 15:32

Every so often there is a gem of a thread. Mumsnet at its best is a wonderful place to be. There are vast numbers of interesting, intelligent posters on here and I love having the opportunity to heat what they have to say.
A lot of the threads are awful though and do make one want to reach for the gin. I get sick of it every once in a while and have a break or do a lot of ignoring different sections. I always come back though.

Oh and thankfully my real life most definitely involves both fluffy clouds and sparkles. Strictly is on tonight, for starters. Wink

ShouldHaveBeenJess · 23/09/2016 15:34

I really struggle with this! Usually, I just go through the list of topics of the day or last hour, but I've never been able to simply find the 'Chat' section. Can anyone help both of us?!

VinoTime · 23/09/2016 15:35

Come and join us on the Christmas threads, OP. We're all a bit mad Grin

ShouldHaveBeenJess · 23/09/2016 15:37

blue. Mumsnet has certainly helped me realise the benefits of being single! Not only through support from other single mothers, but also so many stories of women living with utter twats. I'm alone, but not lonely!

Anniegetyourgun · 23/09/2016 15:39

Chat is under the Fun and Games topic, and it has an underline before it for some strange reason.

Original poster
Blueskyrain · 23/09/2016 15:40

Maybe we need a unicorn zone, for parents with kids that sleep and do as they are told, and for snug marrieds?

I'm actually serious here, somewhere we can gush and boing and be happy without making others want to kill us.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 23/09/2016 15:42

Maybe we need a unicorn zone, for parents with kids that sleep and do as they are told, and for snug marrieds?

Would anyone actually use it? I can't think of anything more dull than discussing my (very happy) marriage with a load of other people in the sand position.

MrsDeVere · 23/09/2016 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShouldHaveBeenJess · 23/09/2016 15:46

Unicorn Zone?

Er, sounds fab (tiptoes out of the room being careful not to step on Lego strewn about by early-waking son)

RunnyRattata · 23/09/2016 15:49

I find goady fuckers are usually best avoided.