7 year age gap, or no 2nd child?

[Blingtastic16]

Of course, I don't know if/when I'll conceive. However, didn't have any problems making DS! He is now 6. He'll be 7 by the time a new child came along (minimum) and when he starts secondary, they'll be starting primary...

We have a great bond. I've always wanted 2/3 children. I think having a 3rd won't happen. I'm 36. I've always been keen on a bigger age gap, so we decided to leave it, but when DS started school, we were just so happy, we didn't feel like we were missing something, or even fancied having a second child (I know that sounds like an awful term!) we had planned 4 years.

Now he has gone into Yr 2, I just feel ready, DH feels ready. We have an extra room (not that I would have minded them sharing, but because it's a biggish gap, I would want DS to lose something he has) and stable jobs, etc.

Is 7 years too much of a gap?

It depends....just remember the fun activities you might currently do as a family of 3 with your 7 year old e.g. cinema, theme park, theatre, trampoline.park....when the baby comes along, one of will be with baby and one with the 7 year old. Then when baby is 4 or 5 and wants to go to the playground or softplay your eldest won't.

Loads of year two parents at my school getting pregnant with second baby

I’m one of 4 but the relationship with the one 6.5 years younger than me was very different. I taught him to play the piano, took him to the cinema, took him to buy clothes etc. It isn’t the same as close age siblings because there aren’t the same squabbles but it is lovely in its own way.

Also you’re 36 - I know 3 friends all 40-44 on conceiving so if you want a third I don’t see a problem. But it could be a little tough on the older one as your attention would be very much on the youngest 2.

16, 13 and 10 years between me and my siblings and they really are not like my siblings, too big a gap

Just have 2 more close together

We have a 7 year gap and I like it a lot, although I am sure it is not for everyone. I particularly like being able to give so much attention to each child. It's true that close-in-age sibs do end up having more shared experiences growing up, but that cuts both waysthere is more jealousy and fighting too. A bigger gap means they adopt different roles when they are togetherit makes for a more peaceful family life.

Closeness, long-term, inevitably ends up being about personality not age gaps. I was closest, growing up, to the cousins who were close to me in age; now, I'm closer to my two other cousins who are 5 and 7 years younger, because our characters are similar whereas my closer-in-age cousins have turned out to be quite different people in the long run.

7 1/2 years between my two and it works really well (another on the way, that gap worries me more!).

He adores her, and is so patient with her. She really looks up to him. They are great helpers / play mates too. He's now 10 and she is 2 and he plays so well with her.

Obviously he has his own interests as does she but the balance works quite nicely.

@Tomorrowillbeachicken

Really? Seems funny to wait until yr2 to have another. I wonder what their reasons were ( unless they wanted more and it's taken time) I thought I was quite unique but maybe it's more common than I think

I love larger age gaps @Blingtastic16 of all my friends in honesty, the ones with 4+ years between siblings got on the best. I think because their needs were different. Also remember people are basing the “too big a gap” on the act it’s two kids. If you had a 7,3 and newborn no one would bat an eyelid. Heck I have many friends with 10, 7, 3/4 and newborn. Everyone says how lovely it is for the older two.

I think there’s also something very special about remembering becoming a sibling. The anticipation, joy, excitement and just how involved they can be. Just like any sibling they will need a break, but at 7 it’s less rejection and more special b/c they are ether eldest they get the special day out at the theme ark etc while little one is with grandparents or aunties.

I am sure it will be just lovely!

Best wishes.

That's very true, Penelope. Back in "the day" when everyone had large families, nobody particularly worried about the fact that most sibling gaps were actually large--up to 25 years in some cases!

Yes that's true @Penelopeschat

Go for it! When my ds came along his siblings were 10 and 7. They saw his grow up with me and dh. Excited about every milestone, every new word or funny little thing. He is 3 now and just adored. They never leave him behind either. Its absolutly lovely having a bigger age gap.

I always wanted a big-ish age gap and I've never understood why so many people find it problematic, whereas a smaller one is considered to be better. I secretly think that those of my friends who are running themselves ragged with a baby and a toddler both in nappies and dealing with night wakings times two are completely mad to have deliberately made their lives so stressful. My first child is 4.5 and doesn't feel threatened by the baby at all because they're not competing for the same kind of attention.

There's 11 and 9 years between me and my sisters.I don't think it really matters unless you expect them to share a room together.

My brother is 5 years younger and youngest sister is 10 years younger. Definitely not too big a gap. Depends how you manage it though, get him involved in the babies care to help strengthen their bond and make a big deal out of the big brother role.

I am the older sister by 8yrs and I have a good relationship with my other sister I think it was a good thing. I remember looking after her when I was young shadowing my mum (changing nappies, bathing, feeding etc). I now have 3 children a set of two twin girls who are 1 and my DS who is almost 4 and they get on well!

Nine years between DC1&2. A lot of people assume they're half siblings because of the large gap. I've lost count of the times I've been asked. They get on very well and always have. They're now 23 and 14.

Sister and I are 6 years apart and we grew up absolutely best friends all the way through childhood, it helped me grow up and always meant that at age 10ish 9ish when she was 16ish 15ish, they could easily pop out completely worry-free. when she first went to uni and I was just in year 8, it meant I started to slowly have a few years where I got my 'only child' time and grew up slowly slowly in her footsteps and it was just great seeing her do things 6 years ahead but close enough for us to be able to talk about it all, and as adults, she is just another one of my best friends

Thanks for posts. It's helping me decide

Actually I’d go as far to say as I’d prefer a large age gap. I adore my kids but close in age is exhausting with the fights & constant need for intense attention. I loved the large gap I had with one of my siblings meaning there were never any fights & I could take him out to the cinema etc. I have known other families with large age gaps & thought it looked so much less stress & lovely.

We have a close age gap because my husband is a lot older than me & waiting would have just increased the age he was becoming a parent - but if we had both been in our 20s when we met then I might have genuinely chosen a big gap.

I have 6 1/2 years between my two boys and it’s lovely. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I have 5 and 6 year age gaps between my 3. As others have said days out are hard, and holidays. I wouldn't chose to have done it that way but imo having kids is difficult, be it one or five, with 1 year or 6 year gaps

My brother is six years younger than me and it was shite growing up with such a young sibling. Everything had to be done to accommodate him when he was little and then he was bloody annoying when I was a teenager. I moved out when he was 14 and we’ve never been close.

We’re now 29/23 and we text to say hello and share any news but we don’t have much in common.

Thanks I wish @Blingtastic16 would come back and let us know what she decided!