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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ignore my neighbour?

17 replies

BananaHammock23 · 22/09/2016 12:56

I have a 18 month old baby who cries throughout the night and I live in a London flat with paper thin walls (naturally) with an aggressive neighbour who started banging the wall last night. Husband's angry, neighbour's angry, baby isn't sleeping because the neighbour is banging.

What should I do? Should I ignore her or confront her? Buy her earplugs or chocolates and wine!? I can't stop my baby from crying throughout the night and don't want this to become an ongoing issue as I have to live here (unless I move to the suburbs... which I don't want to do).

Any advice warmly appreciated.

OP posts:

MoreGilmoreGirls · 22/09/2016 12:59

What does she expect you to do about it? Banging on the wall is really shitty. When we had our first DS we bought our neighbours some wine and flowers to apologise for any disturbances not that they complained but we wanted to remain on good terms with them. I think your neighbour is being very rude though. Do you normally get on with her?

Parietal · 22/09/2016 13:00

if your child is 18mo, can't you do anything to stop the child crying? for your own health & sanity as much as the neighbours.

I know it isn't easy - mine didn't sleep through the night until 2 years. but they didn't cry all night either.

TheWitTank · 22/09/2016 13:00

Is the babies cot right up against the neighbours wall? Can you have a rejiggle of rooms/layout (if it would make a difference).

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 22/09/2016 13:02

Lol Parietal my 23 mo still cries most of the night, every night! I wish I'd thought to 'do anything about it'.

Coz it's that easy.
OP your neighbour is an arse. Ignore and I hope you get some decent sleep soon.

Cheby · 22/09/2016 13:05

As long as you're attempting to settle your baby and not leaving them to cry, then I'd just ignore your neighbour. You're doing all you can.

TaliDiNozzo · 22/09/2016 13:07

Don't ignore them - it's obviously an unbearable situation for them, they are just expressing that in a bad way.

Can you move your toddler's bed elsewhere? Perhaps swap rooms, or have the bed against an internal wall?

I would try to ease the situation - I've been on both sides of this and neither is much fun.

Farmmummy · 22/09/2016 13:22

Ugh op and for you not the neighbour! My dd2 is 18 mths slept perfectly until her first birthday, learned to walk and for some reason hasn't slept since. She cries, she has also decided she co-sleeps which is the only way any of us get any sleep (thankfully on a farm so no close neighbours) but if we did and they banged the wall I would probably be in jail now for diminished responsibility due to sleep deprivation assault or murder ( joke or I think it's a joke). It's not that I don't try to stop her crying we have a 6 year old (she sleeps like DH thankfully a bomb wouldn't wake her) but it doesn't always work, your neighbour needs to realise it won't last forever (oh please tell me it won't last forever)

biggles50 · 22/09/2016 13:28

I think you should talk to your neighbours and say you're aware of the situation and you're trying to sort it. Tricky for everyone involved, neighbours can't sleep and are overreacting through tiredness. You're tired I imagine and your poor baby is unsettled. Take on some of the suggestions about rearranging the beds and research how to get your child to sleep.

rightsforwomen · 22/09/2016 13:34

Don't ignore or confront your neighbour, but do go and speak to them and explain the situation. No need to apologise but say "I heard you banging on the wall last night so thought I'd pop round so we could talk about it"

It is unusual for an 18 mo to cry through the night. Is this a recent thing?

We all have a responsibility to allow our neighbours to sleep during the night and if we have a situation where we can't do that then I think it's reasonable to explain why.

Imagine when your child IS sleeping better and someone then moves in next door and you are kept awake by their crying. I suspect you really wouldn't be all that gracious and understanding. Or maybe you would, in which case you are a better person than me.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/09/2016 13:42

I'm not surprised your little one isn't sleeping with 2 idiots banging on the wall. Yes I absolutely appreciate its not an ideal situation for them, but. As you say with the best will on the world you can't stop a baby from waking up in the night crying. The room swap suggestion is something to think about
I don't think you should go jumping on their dicks by taking wine and chocolates around. It's not like you're having rowdy parties.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 22/09/2016 13:43

I would say crying is ok, it is not something you can control.
Definitely try to talk to your neighbour and explain that it is temporary. I can understand they are annoyed, but to me it is the same as when you work from home and the flat next door has work done: annoying and disturbing, but allowed and fair enough.

sizeofalentil · 22/09/2016 13:54

Do you own or rent your flat? Reason I'm asking is because you might be able to put something on the walls to muffle the noise a bit.

Maybe even hanging blankets/wall tapestries on the walls would help slightly.

takesnoprisoners · 22/09/2016 13:54

Neither of you are in the wrong. Poor kid and poor neighbours. You definitely need to get your child to sleep and talk to the neighbours about the banging.

SeaFlute · 23/09/2016 15:21

They are rude to bang on the walls, but it sounds like they're at the end of their tether. Is it every night or just occasional nights?

I've been on both sides of this- I once had neighbours in flat above whose toddler ran around screaming from 6pm until 2am every night. It was horrendous on wood floors as the noise echoed, and I had to get up for work at 5am. I admit I banged on the ceiling with a broom some nights
I needed to function at work and I cried every evening when I got home and the racket began again. I couldn't relax or enjoy my home. After a few months I moved out.

Years later it was me with the crying baby who disturbed neighbours, particularly in the colicky first few months. At 13months she still cries 2-3x a night but only briefly, about 5mins each time.

How long is your DC crying for? Are you sleep training?

At 18months I wouldn't expect to be woken multiple times a night. I think people are more tolerant when it's a young baby crying, less so when it's a toddler.

HeyNannyNanny · 23/09/2016 15:46

I have every sympathy OP, that must be difficult. Sounds like a vicious cycle; baby cries making neighbours bang which makes baby cry etc etc

Uit must be really horrendous for neighbours too though, as they aren't in control of it and are probably at the end of their tether. They should have responded better though.

Go talk to them and see if there are any room changes either of you can make.

It is unusual for an 18 month old to cry all night though, I'm sure you're already looking into that as well.

Believeitornot · 23/09/2016 15:50

Are they crying through the night? Or is it she wakes, cries and you go through?

If you just leave her to cry then yabu.

nancyblackett80 · 23/09/2016 16:01

I do have some sympathy with your neighbour although banging on the wall has obviously not had the desired effect. Were you aware that they could hear the crying so intrusively?

I'm not suggesting you're a bad parent but there might be things to be done as suggested above to be a better neighbour.

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