To not let my 15yr old attend a party with alcohol?

[Researchingamove]

My 15yr old DD (16 in Nov) is upset with me just now because I won't let her go to a friend's house party next month where DD has said she would drink alcohol. She's tried alcohol previously, e.g. a few sips of champagne at special events or a taste of her dad's beer at home but there is only one parent supervising at the party and we have different parenting styles and I think at 15 DD is too young to potentially get drunk, something which she is hinting at. DH says I need to trust her and I do trust her - I trust her to be a teen! I did not have a healthy relationship with alcohol from around the age of 16-19 (fuelling my concerns) and I'm a bit confused as to why people think it's ok for a 15yr old to be allowed into that environment without parental supervision, albeit there WILL be a parent there, just not one of us. Am I being a mean mum and spoiling DD's fun? I genuinely don't feel it appropriate that 15yr olds should be intoxicated and as she begins college next year there will be plenty time for partying with new friends then. This is causing heat at home because DD normally makes her own choices, usually very well but this is an issue. My main concern is if she does become intoxicated she will therefore be vulnerable. The general consensus is that I'm being too controlling of her and I don't want to be but I feel I have to look out for her best interests too.

AIBU?

Natallejah, if you are going to bring up teenagers it is essential to get your facts right: the moment they find out you don't know what you're talking about they stop listening to you altogether.

It is not against the law to allow underage drinking. It is against the law to sell alcohol to underage customers. It is legal for a child aged 5 to 16 to consume alcohol in the home (or in another private setting- i.e. somebody else's home). From age 16 children may also be served alcohol in a restaurant setting if eating a meal and accompanied by an adult.

However, the fact that it is legal does not necessarily mean that it is a good idea. Any parent has a perfect right to decide when her child is allowed alcohol. But this may mean not allowing their child to attend a function where alcohol is served unless the child can be trusted. Expecting another parent to keep tabs on exactly which teenager is to be allowed a sip of this or not a sip of that and actually to be able to enforce this in the chaotic setting of a party is expecting too much.

In future she may lie and end up going where no adult is present at all.

My Mum tried to do the same as you and it pushed me so far off the rails.

I don't think you're being unreasonable in the way you feel, any sane adult wants to protect their child and 15 is too young to be drinking but you may find stopping her will result in the opposite happening.

Sorry op.

Difficult.
My daughter went to a party (think she was 13) where the father produced a bottle of vodka and poured it into the punch. People started getting drunk very quickly. She rang me and asked to come home.

I don't think you are being a drag at all! We all have different things we feel 'comfortable' with. Mine is a summer baby so didn't start until after her exams, that's when I felt 'comfortable', for you it may be another year or two, that's fine, just keep talking to her and explain why you are uncomfortable.