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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

help am i unreasonable not wanting to baby sit 6yr

36 replies

yourbuildersteve · 18/09/2016 01:09

Ok my wife n i just had a baby on monday.
Now my sister wants us to babysit her 6yr old for 3 nights a week for the next yr so she can go to university.
Starting this Saturday.
Im the only family she has in the uk n she dosent have any friends.
Shes only just moved out from living with us for 8months.as a returning resident.
Id love to help her out n have said i can have him for one of the 3 nights.
Am i being unreasonable not to have him for all 3 nights for the next yr so she can better her life by getting her degree

OP posts:

kittymamma · 18/09/2016 01:14

Ofc yanbu, however, it seems (on very little information here) that before you had your wife and child that you both only had each other, so I don't think she is being unreasonable to ask, it would be unreasonable for her to expect it. I'm sure she will be grateful with whatever help you can offer her.

Sparklesilverglitter · 18/09/2016 01:16

You would not be unreasonable not have him

Very cheeky of your sister! She can't decide she if to uni and your looking after her child. What about your newborn that needs taking care of? Has she even thought about that

Does your niece/nephew not have a father to help with childcare?

Eatthecake · 18/09/2016 01:20

You would not be unreasonable to not have her child at all.

You've just had a child yourself, your wife needs your support in taking care of your child. Your sister can't just decide she's off to uni, and sauce you will look after the child. It's her child and she needs to make arrangements.

Very cheeky IMO for her to ask you to have her child 3 nights a week while she goes to uni. That is half the week she won't have her own child

Homebird8 · 18/09/2016 01:53

Why the overnights? Is she planning on going away from the area and staying there herself?

Ilovecharliecat · 18/09/2016 01:58

That's a really big ask from your sister especially as you have a new born, and depends how close you and your sister are. At 6yo your nephew will sleep through the night but what will happen with school drop off? I'm trying to play devils advocate by posing the questions, but you and your wife would have a lot on your hands agreeing with this. As hard as it may be I think you need to say no to her.

HarrietSchulenberg · 18/09/2016 01:59

Saturday isn't usually a teaching day/night at university, so not sure why she'd include that day. Is it Open University or is she including her social life?

Bogeyface · 18/09/2016 02:17

Starting this Saturday? Sounds suss to me.

OU is home study with one residential a year (depending on the course). And why only one year? Degree courses take three years, unless she is doing a top up from a previous course.

I think you need to ask more questions about this course, where it is, the timing of lectures etc to find out if she really is studying or whether she is using you for free childcare for her social life.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/09/2016 02:23

Only one year could be to do a masters Bogey.

Bogeyface · 18/09/2016 02:39

Could be but the OP said "Am i being unreasonable not to have him for all 3 nights for the next yr so she can better her life by getting her degree" which suggest that this is her graduate degree rather than a masters. And even if it was her masters, which Uni has lectures on a Saturday night?!

BillSykesDog · 18/09/2016 03:59

She could be doing a nursing degree or similar.

Whereismumhiding2 · 18/09/2016 03:59

She's your sister and you want to.help her. It is however a HUGE ask and unless it is something both you & your DW want to do, then saying No that's too much, we've just had a baby, is not unrrasonable.

3 nights a week, that's half the week... With one being Saturday, it means 2 after school homework, reading spelling, entertaining, tea, bayh, and 2-3 mornings getting ready for & to school too. No going back to bed on a Sunday since Baby has fed at 6am & closee her eyes again.. When you & your wife (I'll assume one of you works) will be tired and may have been up all night with a baby. If either child is ill you have to take care of the other too. . All part of the normal package of having 2DC, except you will have skipped a stage.
It is precious time & memories with your first baby that you'll never get back.
I have 3 DC, would I let someone hijack my precious time with DS1 as a baby. No no no!!! You don't remember anywhere near as much about DC2 onwards baby years as you're so busy with older DC...
She's not given you much notice has she? It starts this Saturday... What's WAS her plan before? Is this first time she's mentioned it...? If so, she knows she is BU...

Bogeyface · 18/09/2016 04:06

Bill My best friend did a nursing degree and it took longer than a year and it wasnt just 3 days/nights a week. When she was on placement she did 6 weeks at a time of full shift rotas. I am not saying that she isnt studying, but it does stink a bit.

Sierra259 · 18/09/2016 04:24

She is being unbelievably cheeky to ask IMO. It would be a big ask for someone without their own DC, but especially given that you have a newborn. Credit to her for wanting to do the course (3 nights a week for a year does not sound like a degree!), but it's her responsibility to manage that around her child. She might need to defer it for a while or pay for childcare if for some reason it can't wait. She is being very selfish to put you in this position.

bearleftmonkeyright · 18/09/2016 04:47

I don't think this would be good for your family at all, and probably not good for the 6 year old. I don't understand the Saturdays, that does not add up. Those first few months are precious and difficult in equal measure as a new parent. Just say no to it all. Something about this does not add up. I don't think your sister is being truthful with you.

cexuwaleozbu · 18/09/2016 04:51

That is a HUGE ask and yanbu at all to say no. 6yearolds are not very compatible with newborns and even less compatible with 6 month olds. If you can manage to agree to one night a week that would be heroic.

ConvincingLiar · 18/09/2016 04:52

When did she first ask you? Presumably she booked on to this course aaaages ago. I'd be pissed off at the assumption you'd do it.

PovertyPain · 18/09/2016 05:25

When you say you agreed to have her, do you mean you will be looking after your niece, during the day and night, or do you expect your wife to do it? If you expect your wife to do it then you are out of order. Your wife has just had a baby and will be exhausted looking after him/her. Sorry, but you need to out your wife and child first. I know you are your sister's only sibling, but that doesn't mean you have to do everything for her, she needs to sort out her own child care as you will be busy, I hope, looking after your own child and wife.

MoonDuke · 18/09/2016 06:17

Yanbu
What about the poor 6 year old? He'll be woken nightly by a newborn cousin

tootiredtothink · 18/09/2016 06:31

Oh fgs she's your sister. Of course she's nbu to ask you. And as you're the only one who can help I'd do everything I could.

However, you've just had a new baby so you need time adjusting and enjoying to being the three of you. No way would I be babysitting with a new born.

And I too would love to know what uni requires Saturday evenings? Did she ask you to help when she was looking into the course ? Surely this has been planned ?

Longlost10 · 18/09/2016 06:47

Absolutely do not agree to 3 nights, how unfair on your wife and baby, and how unfair on your nephew to be passed around where he will know he is in the way. 1 night a week is very generous of you, in my opinion.

Longlost10 · 18/09/2016 06:48

The university will be able to suggest child care arrangements, and she will likely get funding towards it.

zen1 · 18/09/2016 07:05

Would you be expected to do school runs etc too? Now does your wife feel about it?

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/09/2016 07:07

Longlost. That's interesting.

I think she's being incredibly unreasonable. She should have clarified childcare before taking on the course. You had her and her child staying with you for almost the entire duration of your wife's pregnancy. Now you want to be left in peace to enjoy your first child. Entirely normal. She should have got a job, any job and waited until she could set something up properly - or waited until her son is more autonomous. At 10/11 and your child - 4/5, it would be much easier for example. For a start off he probably could walk back to your house from school and be left to do his homework by himself or alone if you went to an after school activity.

Selfimproved · 18/09/2016 07:14

You would not be unreasonable, however I would do it and I would be happy to. I am from a tiny family. I get a lot of help from my parents and I am happy / ready to help them when they need it. Even if it's difficult, because I know they have done the same for me.
Would your sister do this for you?

WinterIsHereJon · 18/09/2016 07:28

I would also do it, if DH was happy. You're the only person she can ask, and it's great that she wants to and has the motivation to do it. Assuming your relationship is good and she appreciates how huge a favour it is, I would help if I could.

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