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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why I bother???

110 replies

SilverHoney · 17/09/2016 12:15

Fully prepared that I'm going to get flamed, but it's worth it to have a rant!

DD is 15 months. I've always cooked for her because jars / pouches are so expensive and luckily she's a good eater, so I can just give her what I'm having.

We get ice-creams at the park, she can eat her weight in biscuits at nanny's house, doesn't bother me. If she's eating healthy at home and nursery, then it balances out.

I was working in the garden so DH (who is perfectly capable) gave her lunch and put her to bed. When I asked what she had he said chicken soup. I don't eat meat so I know there's none in the freezer.

Then the penny drops. You mean tinned chicken soup?? He didn't see the problem. I called him a cunt. He said that wasn't very nice.

I'm fully away it's not going to kill her, but AIBU to wonder WHY DO I BLOODY BOTHER??

A year of cooking, freezing, labelling... I should have saved myself the bother and stocked up on tinned soup and super noodles

OP posts:

VeryPunny · 17/09/2016 12:43

I kinda understand what you mean OP. In the immediate term, there's no real benefit to slogging away making nutritious balanced meals, is there, when they will happily wolf down processed rubbish? And because you are giving a shit about what your daughter eats 95% of the time, it means your DH can feed her whatever he can be arsed to do when he has to feed her, absolving him of having to actually give a shit about what your daughter eats.

Beeziekn33ze · 17/09/2016 12:43

Suck it up, like you do with GM's biscuit. One tin of soup.
Unbelievable!🤔

Beeziekn33ze · 17/09/2016 12:44

You could have reminded him that there is a container load of home cooked food in the freezer.

waitingforsomething · 17/09/2016 12:45

I don't understand why if you are okay with occasional ice-creams and large amounts of biscuits, why 1 tin of soup is the end of the world?!
I cook from scratch most of the time, now and again my kids get fish fingers, tinned soup or whatever. Sometimes I dole this out, sometimes DH does.
I think this is a giant over-reaction and you sound bananas. I'd be really upset if my DH called me a cunt over a tin of soup.

Original poster

SilverHoney · 17/09/2016 12:48

DH is a parent, responsible for her health, wellbeing etc. Should be putting in 50% of the effort.

Nanny see's her a couple of times a month and is not responsible for her.

OP posts:

QueenLizIII · 17/09/2016 12:48

Seriously, no one else tells their DH to fuck off and gives then the middle finger?

No. Why would you speak to a partner like that?

Did you call your mother a cunt for giving her biscuits?

Will you happy with your DD calling you and DH a cunt and giving you the middle finger? Because that is exactly what she will do as you will tach her it is normal to speak to each other in that way.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 17/09/2016 12:49

From your other posts it looks like you guys also have a newborn - so chill out and just go for simple lunches so you can all make use of the afternoon snooze.

waitingforsomething · 17/09/2016 12:50

What does he feed her for lunch on other occasions then? Does he ever prepare fresh food for her?

Sparklesilverglitter · 17/09/2016 12:51

Her grandmothers stuffs her full of biscuits and that's ok but her own father giving her a tin of soup causes you to go crazy.

No I don't tell my DH to fuck off or give him the middle finger, why would I think it's ok to treat him like that.

I you always this crazy?

Believeitornot · 17/09/2016 12:52

I would be cross yes especially as I wouldn't eat tinned soup myself, being that it is about 50% salt and 50% shit I am exaggerating

But I wouldn't swear at dh. I would have a quick word and tell him what to feed next time.

SoupDragon · 17/09/2016 12:52

This is lighthearted, right?

m0therofdragons · 17/09/2016 12:55

Dh once forgot to feed 18mo dd lunch because she was napping while he had his. He's not a cunt he's an amazing dad who made a mistake. Feeding chicken soup is hardly a kfc bucket meal.

KitKats28 · 17/09/2016 12:56

I actually find some of the replies on here a bit disturbing.

If a woman had said that she had fed her kid tinned soup and her husband had called her a cunt, the overwhelming replies would be "it's your baybee your roolz" "none of his business what you do" and "abusive arse, leave him".

Yet when the roles are reversed there's an air of humour, with crying smilies, glasses of wine and people justifying what they feed their kids. I sometimes think there's no wonder there are so many shit fathers when women have this attitude towards them.

flanjabelle · 17/09/2016 12:57

I actually completely get where the op is coming from. Why should she be the only one to carry the guilt and responsibility of her dds diet. Fine when grandparents do it, it's not their child. Ops dh should be just as responsible for making sure their dd eats proper food. It's pure laziness to grab a tin of soup instead of searching out the million other healthy options op has cooked.

Then the follow on issue from that is that because the guilt/responsibility is ops to carry alone apparently, the dh doesn't give it a second thought, whereas the op would feel bad about it. She just wants to share that responsibility, and not have a lazy dh who can't be arsed to feed their baby proper food.

Trifleorbust · 17/09/2016 12:57

Should be putting in 50% of the effort to do what is reasonable for your daughter, yes: feed, clothe, wash, cuddle, etc. But it sounds like what you are trying to do is impose your standards on him, then moan at him for not doing his 'fair share'. Do the cooking yourself if you're that bothered.

Original poster

SilverHoney · 17/09/2016 12:59

SoupDragon yes light hearted!

I'm over the soup-gate now. I'm more surprised that people are shocked that some adults choose to swear in the company of other adults? Personally c u next tuesday doesn't hold any power over me. Doesn't disgust me or anger me. I choose not to use it in front of children / at work because socially it is frowned upon.

We don't shout and scream, we swear and call names in jest. Meh, different horses for courses.

OP posts:

flanjabelle · 17/09/2016 13:00

Also is it so hard to comprehend that different relationships have different boundaries re acceptable behaviour. From what we have been told here, the dynamic of the ops marriage is different to many others. If they regularly swear at each other and do not mean it in a nasty way, then calling her husband a cunt is really not abusive. In my relationship it would be, but I am well aware that others are different.

Original poster

SilverHoney · 17/09/2016 13:00

flan you are far too reasonable and level headed to me on MNs. Are you lost??

OP posts:

MsJamieFraser · 17/09/2016 13:01

Children are starving in the world and your being a Cunt to your dh over a tin of chicken soup

I think you need to get a grip big style!

wasonthelist · 17/09/2016 13:01

Seriously, no one else tells their DH to fuck off and gives then the middle finger?

This has got to be a wind up.

Willow2016 · 17/09/2016 13:01

This has to be a wind up!

A tin of soup.....yet stuffing her full of biscuits (all that nasty fat, sugar and salt and artificial poison!!!) is ok.

Your dh Was parenting her, he fed her he didnt leave her to starve or give her a drag on his spliff!

I used to cook from scratch too but sometimes grabbing a quick tin of beans/soup was easiest according to circumstances it didnt harm my kids one bit.

If thats all you have to 'fume' about then you are bloody lucky.

Oh and calling your dh that for doing what he thought was a good thing is aghorrent. As is telling him to fuck off or giving him the middle finger! What happened to mutual respect? I swear like a trooper sometimes but wouldnt say that to anyone I was supposed to love!

Purplebluebird · 17/09/2016 13:03

Hahaha, oh dear lord xD

ssd · 17/09/2016 13:04

one day your kid will be a teen and you wont control everything what she eats

will you call everyone c*s then?

you just sound nasty

RedSauceAndJellyJuice · 17/09/2016 13:05

A slight over reaction OP

flanjabelle · 17/09/2016 13:05

Oh sorry op. Fuck you you abusive arsehole. Your poor dh. Send him to me, I will show him how a real wife behaves. I feed my child pig shit and she is grateful. Grateful I tell you!!!!!

Better?

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