To insist things are true despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

[LumpyMcBentface]

That 1996 was ten years ago.

Food eaten standing up doesn't count.

If size 12 jeans from Next fit me, I am a size 12.

If something I want is reduced in the sale it is an unmissable bargain.

Gin and slimline tonic has zero calories.

I'm sure I'm not the only one with amazing powers of self delusion. What are yours?

Home made cake is a health food. Ditto vegetarian takeaway pizza.

I'm going to run that 5K I signed up for all the way round - and definitely not stagger round unconvincing walking most of the way.

Homemade cake is a health food

1996 is definitely only 10 years ago, my age confirms it, I have just turned 39, NOT 49.

Time is a LIAR.

Watching medical programs means I am practically a qualified doctor.

I am really, really funny when I am drunk. I could do stand up. Really.

Pizza, pasta and wine are basically a Mediterranean diet and therefore good for you

garlic bread, gelato, tiramisu. It's so obvious.

Paying for a gym membership and possessing nice trainers means I don't need to attend said gym and I'm not approaching a size 16.

Do you need a medical opinion about the diet and exercise plan?

Sounds fab, Mediterranean diet + trainers excellent.

and as Matt Damon's body double, I can confirm that you too are on the way to lucrative Hollywood contracts. Well done!

I've just eaten a big bowl of pasta and pesto - so if I add in pizza and wine for tea I'll have eaten all of my 5 a day!

And now I've eaten it and have loads of energy, I'm going to do the jobs I've been putting off doing all week day

Krispy Kremes brought into my office are passed through the decalorisign machine in the lobby.

Any home baked cake has fewer calories than shop bought and is thus ok.

That I'm definitely able to pass for a teenager in the right jeans.

That hoovering won't male that much of a difference so why bother?

Homemade baking has zero calories.

I didn't do O levels in 1984 either Ginger
Nice to meet another 21 year-old on here

Hello chocolate. Glad to know your are 21. I'm therefore 19 as I didn't do my o levels until 2 yrs after you. That's good I was a bit confused.

If I made it myself, no matter what goes in it it's a health food.

Thinking about work is the same as doing work.

Writing a list and buying stationary (not aired that's the right one) is the same as work.

Oh gosh, yes, making a lists of things to do is just like actually, you know, doing them.

Chucking a ginger cake mix in the bread maker and switching 'on' IS home baking.

I bought a super-dooper pair of tree/branch loppers, all shiny and ergonomically design. Garden looks fab now......

Sure not aired. Stupid phone.

If you break a food item in two and shake it over the sink, the calories fall out. Obvs doesn't work on ice cream or non-solid items so those, as per a PP, must be eaten standing up. Or in private; if no one sees you eat it, it doesn't count.

When I'm out with my (adult) children people think I'm their older sister, certainly not their mother.

I'm actually younger than my youngest child (because I started counting backwards when I turned 45).

I swear, when I saw '1996 was 10 years ago' my first reaction was 'well, it WAS!'.

If I go to a conference in France and eat three course meals with wine twice a day, croissants for breakfast and patisserie at morning and afternoon coffee breaks then the fact that I ostentatiously passed up the cheese course at every meal means that I was dieting and hence will have lost weight.

If I play pool after a few Vinos I will smash it because clearly I am a professional.

and who is this very nearly ten yr old child calling me mum?i was heavily pregnant with my first born in 2006 god knows who child number two is and where are my sisters two cute pre school boys who are those two admittedly handsome but rather sullen teenagers?

Because I managed to convince an interviewer on Wednesday that I am an ideal candidate for the job and worthy of a second interview, when I start the job I will magically become be an excel master, capable of pivot tables and everything.

Hillary Clinton must be in her 40s, right?
Because Bill was only just president a couple of years ago and they were both in their 40s then.