To insist things are true despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

[LumpyMcBentface]

That 1996 was ten years ago.

Food eaten standing up doesn't count.

If size 12 jeans from Next fit me, I am a size 12.

If something I want is reduced in the sale it is an unmissable bargain.

Gin and slimline tonic has zero calories.

I'm sure I'm not the only one with amazing powers of self delusion. What are yours?

I sound like Barbra Striesand when I sing 'The way we were'...

That I'm not going to be 40 in a couple of months time. I'm still young!

1996 was only 8 years ago. I still have milk in the fridge from then.

It's still absolutely normal to very momentarily pause passed the nappy aisle checking we have enough, though dd started her A Levels this week.

When riding my and another er over takes me it must mean I am going a further distance than them.

IF I train harder I still might make it as a professional footballer.

Women find me sexually irresistible when I talk Italian.

And I would be the perfect body double for Matt Damon. If only they knew.

Eating six Freddos in one sitting is shameful and disgusting.

Eating six Freddos across the course of the day is a savvy dieting strategy.

I was born in 1994. I am now teaching children born after 2010. I feel old!

My eldest was born in 2004, this means he's about two years old and is definitely not my height and certainly does not wear a bigger shoe size than me

BeingATwat do you expect me to believe you are a teacher when you're only 12 years old? Stop lying.

I haven't aged since leaving university in 1993.

I could do a cartwheel if I wanted to. But I don't.

Lumpy, I'm afraid I am a teacher for my sins I was fast tracked through to university because I was just that amazing!

I read that the Stone Roses were closer in time to the Beatles than the Beatles were to World War Two.

So looking back it goes:

I Am the Resurrection

She Loves You Yeah Yeah Yeah

Gas masks

1996 was exactly 10 years ago. 30 years ago was indeed the 70's. Some people can't count!

A pizza with vegetable toppings can be all 5 of your 5 day.

Chocolate and is health food.

If someone offers you crisps, sweets, chocolate etc then it has no calories.

My music is cool.

No one can hear or see me when I'm in my car.

Wine is natural and good for you.

DH is a hot and sexy middle aged man.

I can never get drunk.

BeingATwatItsABingThing stop pretending your work experience in a nursery is a real job. We're not buying it!

When I have sunglasses on and earphones in I am invisible.

1996 was ten years ago, Disco 2000 is still a song about the future.

That I don't have cellulite (if I can't see my backside no one else can).
That the gorgeous bloke on the train I see on the way to work is dying to ask me out (he has all his own hair and teeth) since when was I last chatted up by a man with all his own hair and teeth? 1996. So yep only 10 years ago 😓

Caipora but they paid me in clip on earrings and fake tattoos! It must be real!

Oh yes, the car one is so so true always pick me nose in the car

That I can reset the clock, so to speak, and the fat/sugar I ate yesterday has no bearing on what I eat today.

That I am under 40, despite all evidence pointing me firmly to the mid-40 range

That my part-time job is just a strenuous as DPs full time one, so it's only fair that we share chores equally

That Hillary started the birther thing and Trump ended it.

Yes, I'm the same age as most of my colleagues, some of whom are barely out of their teens. I'm two and a half times the age of some of them--

Ha I read the 'teaching children born after 2010' comment and snorted out loud at the very idea of children that young being at school.
Then realised ds is one of those children

That it is ok to leave some of the chores when I'm tired in the evening as I will definitely get up early in the morning and do them.

That one day really soon I am going to miraculously become a very organised and together person.

Actually, I am still waiting to turn in to an adult.
It must happen some time soon, surely? Just turned 50

I'm still waiting to be told the rules. You know, how to be an adult because when I was a child, adults knew everything. Always.

Anyway enough time wasting. I've got Pokemon to catch.

Thought this was going to be a thread about all the headlines today reporting the first frontline 'female' soldier (my quotes!)