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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell DD she has to miss netball

16 replies

Wheresthattomoibabber · 16/09/2016 16:07

DD (12) has just started year 8 and is already hugely involved with extra curricular stuff at school. She started the new netball club this week and loved it. They train twice a week and it's run by the new games teacher who is a county coach. They train on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Most fixtures will Tuesdays.

Yesterday we got a letter from the school telling us DD has been selected for a 5 week science programme run by the local university which will be held on Tuesdays. It says at the bottom of the letter that it takes precedence over other clubs if the child wants to do it.

I reckon she should do the science as it's only five weeks and a unique opportunity and the science teacher will square it with the netball coach. There will be many other netball games and she already does rugby at the weekend.

She says that as she made a commitment to the netball team it would be wrong to drop out even for five weeks. She's quite competitive and likes playing matches but also wants to do the science programme.

Help!

OP posts:

ScarletOverkill · 16/09/2016 16:10

She has to choose either/or.
I would let her decide what to do.
If she can't make a decision then she sticks with what is currently happening i.e. the netball

19lottie82 · 16/09/2016 16:11

I think you should let her do what she wants. At 12 she's old enough to make her own choices.

phillipp · 16/09/2016 16:11

Yabu to tell her she can't do netball.

She is getting old enough to make these decisions for herself.

Does she know what she wants to do in her future? Would a five session in a science programme really make that much of a difference?

Sirzy · 16/09/2016 16:13

Which does she want to do?

hmcAsWas · 16/09/2016 16:15

Her choice - with your guidance

NerrSnerr · 16/09/2016 16:15

I think it's her choice. I would let her do what she prefers.

Original poster

Wheresthattomoibabber · 16/09/2016 16:16

I didn't tell her she has to do the science thing yet but I think what I'm asking is do I need to put my foot down and make her sieze the opportunity to do an academic club? She makes most decisions herself quite happily but seems a bit torn about this one! One if her close friends has ditched the netball for 5 weeks.

OP posts:

phillipp · 16/09/2016 16:20

Why do you think you need to put your foot down?

What does her friend have to do with anything?

I think ywbu to force her.

EdmundCleverClogs · 16/09/2016 16:22

Let her choose. Give her information on the science course but don't be pushy about it. She's twelve, her opinion on what she does matters. How you treat this may well be the foundation of her teen years - and 'putting your foot down' on decisions like this with older children sometimes very much backfire.

Original poster

Wheresthattomoibabber · 16/09/2016 16:24

I sometimes think I'm a bit too slack (quote depressed at the moment and not feeling very rational)! She's awesome and I trust her. She can choose and if she needs help choosing I'll tell her to go with her heart.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wheresthattomoibabber · 16/09/2016 16:27

The friend made her feel like she should do netball in case there were too few people on the team and simultaneously made her feel like she shouldn't miss the science.

I do realise how utterly boring this is and am very grateful for the replies!

OP posts:

harderandharder2breathe · 16/09/2016 16:28

It's up to her, neither is going to make or break her adult life.

Make it clear that she has to choose and stick with that choice for 5 weeks, and you will support her whichever way. You can help her weigh up the options, but it has to be her decision.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 16/09/2016 16:29

Tricky one. I think if you can trust her to make a good decision then let her. However I would be slightly wary about her not wanting to let the others on her netball team down. It's great that she is so considerate, but sometimes in life you have to put yourself first, and if she wants to do the science course the netball team will find a way to cope without her. I would maybe have a chat about looking out for yourself and not letting guilt hold you back, but ultimately let it be her decision.

DiegeticMuch · 16/09/2016 16:54

It's not boring at all! It's an interesting conundrum and I see her dilemma.

I'd go for the science because it's a one-off thing. Netball can be picked up at a later stage, a short gap won't hurt. It's not as though she's been playing for a squad for 5+ years and is letting them down in the county finals or anything like that - she's new to it, and there won't be any big games yet.

She'll need to decide for herself though.

Asuitablemum · 16/09/2016 23:13

I agree with diegetic. I would strongly encourage he to do the ' one off' club as it's not long and she can pick netball up after. She could always spend half an hour with a friend doing netball training at another time if she's really keen.

Leeds2 · 16/09/2016 23:43

I would leave it to my DD to make the choice. But I would hope she would choose the science club. Only 5 weeks, and she can still do netball on Thursdays.

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