to find it odd that my parents don't want to spend time with their grandchildren? Anyone else?

[windygallows]

I have 2 DC, the youngest is 3 and we're about an hour away from my retired parents who live in London. Since my youngest was born my parents have come to visit once to see the newborn, but since then no interest. Every six months or so I drive down with the DC, plop them in front of parents for a few hours and then depart; my parents seem to be satisfied with this.

I'm baffled that it's been 3 years and there's been no real interest in spending time with DCs, especially the youngest. My parents barely know my children and I don't have a single pic of my youngest being pushed on a swing by grandma or grandpa etc.

Parents, by the way, are very active and my father still somewhat involved in work despite being mid-70s. They travel a lot and have an active social life so travel or energy isn't the issue. We get along fine, no falling out and no issue with where I live which might make them hesitant about visiting. I've invited them etc and never expect parents to do childcare etc, just a normal visit. They are happy to receive photos and find out how the DCs are doing (we talk every fortnight), just no interest in actually spending time with them.

I can only assume that they just don't like children that much although I've not asked since I probably don't want to hear the answer. Is this normal and have others experienced similar? Not much I can do, right?

Thinking about elderly English people, my stereotype is tidy, matchy-matchy dressed ladies & men in golf sweaters & slacks, leading very regimented, tidy lives, starched net curtains, "oh, today is the day we put our bins out, tomorrow is the day we drive to town" [oh, and slit my wrists now!] It has been 30 years or more since they had to deal with the folderol of babies and young children, and, given their current circumstances, they don't handle it very well, & from what posters are saying, actively avoid little 'uns. I am not saying it's right, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if, deep down, they felt slightly guilty. Because these GPs very occasionally see their GCs, they probably can -just-rationalise their arms length behaviour. A lot of people get rigid & inflexible with age, and there is little that can over-ride it. Envying perceived warmer GP types is pointless, like envying others wealth. You just have to make the best of a bad situation.
I think it could very possibly be worse if you had the over-involved GP( probably M) swooping in every moment & criticising your parenting.

I'm one of 6 children and my parents are very "hands off" grandparents. They travel a lot and have loads of hobbies and are having a ball enjoying their retirement. I'm so pleased for them.
They've raised their children and I think they deserve to enjoy themselves while they're still healthy and active. Hope I get the chance to do the same .

No, family is not always the most important thing. People who love and care for you is. But that is not always family.

IMO i disagree. As the old saying goes, blood is thicker than water. Friends come and go. It is in my opinion though.

Some friends come and go, some do not.

Both sets of Grandparents in our family are very interested in our children, they are warm and kind and give them attention and love, all of which I'm extremely grateful for.

But they make it very, very clear they don't want to look after them. I find it really upsetting because the DC really love to be with them and I feel their relationship must be slightly false. Both my parents and DH's parents had loads of help from their own parents. My GP had me and my sibling for a full week every summer and my other GPs had us every Saturday from 10am till about 5pm. They baked with us and took us to the park etc. I find it really strange and also really mean, I've had to take two DC with me for every appointment, they wouldn't even help me for a few hours when we moved. I will never do this to my own DC.

I look after dgd because I want to help dd and dsil who don't have family nearby and are bloody exhausted. My DM couldnt help out much when dd was tiny, because she was so ill but when she recovered she and df would do loads with her. And if I was ill she would take dd for the day. They adored her and vice versa.

I've had dgd overnight and will have her to stay (or go stay there) any time dd & dsil want a break. Also because I adore spending time and looking after dgd even though I have to sleep for about a week afterwards because I'm so bloody exhausted. To me the more you see gc's and get to know them the more the relationship develops. I love getting little videos and pics on whatsapp and hearing what's she's doing. And supporting dd when dgd isn't well or not sleeping etc. Maybe some uninvolved gp's just get past the point where they feel bonded to their dgc's because they feel like strangers to them after a while. I'd feel my life would be so much poorer without sharing in dgd's life - the good and the bad. I just don't get it. I remember so vividly just how hard and lonely I found being a parent at times and would hate dd to not feel she had me to have a whinge to or ask to come down and help or just to share stuff with. These gp's lose out so much imo.

Im in the same boat. A young DS and neither set of grandparents is remotely interested. My parents live 30 mins away, they have never bought DS a card or even a small gift for his birthday or Christmas. ILs live further away and they have a lot of hobbies and other social engagements. We offer to bring DS down to visit (2.5 hour drive each way) and there is always an excuse or 'we'll let you know'.

I recently had surgery and was very ill. At no point did either set of grandparents offer to help or to pop by and see how I was doing.

Like other posters on here I remember spending a LOT of time with my grandparents as a child. My parents had 4 children and they were always foisting us off on any family member who would have us.

It's a shame they don't seem to remember how much help they had. Especially when they can see that we are struggling.

Whilst I appreciate they have 'done their time' I shan't be bending over backwards to accommodate either my parents or my ILs in their older age. It will be a care home or they can sort themselves out. They've made it clear they want nothing to do with us now so they can't expect us to wipe their shitty arses when they are too old to take care of themselves.

What goes around comes around

Do you have a relationship with them as adults?

Chipperton - if my parents had never even given birthday or Christmas presents for my dc, I would have cut contact with them! They sound beyond disinterested ... fuck 'em.

I don't have children and have never wanted any, but I could have ended up in a situation where I'd have had children (biological or step-). In this case I'd have done my best. However, the child(ren) grown up, I'd have had a sigh of relief and would definitely not want to repeat the baby and toddler experience with a new set (=the grandchildren). As a pp said: inane conversations, constant faffing, not a moment of peace. Fine, if this is someone's cup of tea, but it isn't mine.

My parents are exactly the same, they’re more bothered about their dog than they are me and my family. About 3 months ago they asked to have my daughter once a week, but very rarely turn up, then she’s sat waiting and getting upset when they don’t come they never call they just don’t turn up. Last week they didn’t have her because they wanted to clean the house. They’ve looked after her 5 times in nearly 3 years, on the few occasions they have had her they’ve brought their dog and only take my daughter places where the dog can do as well. If I didn’t go and see them I don’t think they’d bother with us at all. It breaks my heart that they think more about their dog than their own Granddaughter.