to find it odd that my parents don't want to spend time with their grandchildren? Anyone else?

[windygallows]

I have 2 DC, the youngest is 3 and we're about an hour away from my retired parents who live in London. Since my youngest was born my parents have come to visit once to see the newborn, but since then no interest. Every six months or so I drive down with the DC, plop them in front of parents for a few hours and then depart; my parents seem to be satisfied with this.

I'm baffled that it's been 3 years and there's been no real interest in spending time with DCs, especially the youngest. My parents barely know my children and I don't have a single pic of my youngest being pushed on a swing by grandma or grandpa etc.

Parents, by the way, are very active and my father still somewhat involved in work despite being mid-70s. They travel a lot and have an active social life so travel or energy isn't the issue. We get along fine, no falling out and no issue with where I live which might make them hesitant about visiting. I've invited them etc and never expect parents to do childcare etc, just a normal visit. They are happy to receive photos and find out how the DCs are doing (we talk every fortnight), just no interest in actually spending time with them.

I can only assume that they just don't like children that much although I've not asked since I probably don't want to hear the answer. Is this normal and have others experienced similar? Not much I can do, right?

Yes exactly. Their total focus is on their kids. They weren't even interested when I was in hospital. And they have never asked a single thing about DPs life. They are incredibly self absorbed.
So I am sure some relatives are simply selfish and make no effort with GC or nieces and nephews. But sometimes there is a reason.

No, family is not always the most important thing. People who love and care for you is. But that is not always family.

That's awful, brasty. My brothers and I see each other one-on-one as often as we can and it really helps reinforce close family with nieces and nephews. Have you ever asked him why? You're his sister and he should be interested in YOU at the very least if not your DP.

No, he doesn't even answer the phone to me if I try ringing him. There really is no point.

To answer Lying witch's question-I have never asked or expected in laws to do childcare. Although they feel free to make comments on my being a sahm. Arse holes. I think dh did want them to offer to help as they did it for bil and his dcs but even he now knows it ain't ever going to happen. They prefer their golf,days out,holidays (where they regale us of tales of their friends dcs who are taken on hols by the gp's!)

Mine cannot be arsed also. The grandmother has no interest in anything other than herself and her daughter. My husband, her son, has a myriad of issues thanks to her bias.

She, when forced to spend time with our children, sat on her bottom fake retching at my "repellent breastfeeding". Her ex husband is no better. No interest at all other than a weird reflected glory thing at his great genetics. Mine clearly have had no influence!

I REALLY don't understand it. I am very envious of the lovely grannies and grandfathers at the school gate, getting in on the action and doting. I have seriously considered getting us all adopted.

It is sad OP. I think many of us have an image of how grandparents should be (not childcare, I actually feel sorry for the grandparents I know who are doing regular care when they don't want to) but just interested, loving, doing things with them. My dad was quite like that but he's been gone since DS was a baby, and now his only grandad is one who lives abroad. But I suppose it's us who feel the loss/disinterest and the kids don't know any different.

Maybe these GPs of whom you complain are working or enjoying their own time and don't wish to be seen as free childcare.

My in laws have met DS once. He's 3. Never ask after him, never sent a birthday or Christmas card. It's their loss!

We travel 3 hours each way to see DCs grandad. When we travel to see him we don't get invited to stay or visit him at home, despite him living in a great big house, so we make our own arrangements. We travel all that way and just see him for lunch or coffee for an hour or two and if we didn't do this he probably wouldn't see his DGCs at all.

So a whole weekend, hours in the car just to see him for a quick hello.
What makes me sad is that because our DCs see him so little, they are quiet and reserved around him. He also makes little effort to get to talk to them in our brief meetings- he doesn't ask about school, what they like to do, friends etc. It's just so sad that he is a stranger to them.

Vintagegirl, that's unfair of them. They helped your BIL but not their other son (who also wanted help). Very unfair indeed. I can see why sibling relationships also become damaged when there's such an obvious 'favouritism' displayed.

My FIL lives about 15 doors away and he never comes round to see DS. I find it odd but can't bring myself to dwell on it.

My parents, although living about 40 minutes away, see DS often and ring every few days to see how he is so that makes me feel better.

It does upset my DH that his DF isn't more interested.

Notwhatiexpected... I never ever say this but, your MIL is bonkers - and not very nice. That's a horrendous way to behave.

Yup, she is nuts.

My mums the same. Although she's lives 2 minutes down the road doesn't see her gc from minth to month. Me and her have a difficult relationship but I've made it clear she can see them whenever. Dc always want to go for a sleep over at hers etc. Although she can be a selfish cunt

I find it weird that people are saying they don't enjoy small children, as if all children are the same! I had a conversation with a (childless by choice) friend recently and even she said that if you made comments like that about any other group of people i.e. I don't enjoy gay people or asian people for example, then you would quite rightly be accused of being prejudiced. Why do people feel it is ok to say they don't like children??

Oh my dh won't hear a word said against his parents @lying witch! Their lack of support but unreasonable expectations of us going to dinner EVERY sunday was brought up at marriage guidance and dh still refused to concede they were wrong. He excuses them now by way of their age (late 70's) but as I already said doesn't seem to stop them galavanting off on hols four times a year or fil playing golf every day.

I feel your pain, my parents are similar and have a history of disinterest. My sister has two who are young adults and my parents were very involved. When I announced I was pregnant with ds who is now 4 their response was "we've done the grandparent thing".
It's hurtful isn't it? But ultimately, no you can't change them you just have to stop banging your head against a brick wall and concentrate on people who do love your dc

It should be fair across the board. At least if it's fair - and not the best grandparenting in the world - you know you're not on your own and that this is the 'best' they can manage for any of their grandchildren.

To favour some grandchildren/children is truly unfair - and cruel. :(

My parents had very little interest in the children when they were smaller. They did make a few half-hearted promises to take my eldest to see this, that or the other, but never kept them, so I told them not to bother saying things they didn't mean. My Mum freely admitted she was not fond of kids "but everyone had to have them in our day". They are getting more interested as the children get older, but I suspect mainly because they are bright kids and get good grades and so on, and are a good subject of conversation with their chums. It's certainly not unconditional love as they'd soon be out of favor if they had a problem or acted up. The GPs always criticise my brothers and sisters' parenting and their children, so might well be rolling their eyes about mine when I'm not there. I do try to make the most of the interest they do show for the sake of the children, and always mention Grandma asked after you or Grandpa sent his love, but I do wish they would be a bit more generous with their attention so I didn't have to eke it out.

My DSis is dissatisfied with our parents who she feels don't see her and her DC enough, or do enough for her/them. They live about 2 hours drive away, from her probably see one another every other month ish. They do have busy lives and health issues (as does she) and are reluctant to give activities up to do stuff for her.

The problem is, her grumbling, criticism, envy of other people with 'better' parents and clear dissatisfaction with their grand-parenting is pushing then further apart. I'm stuck in the middle. I don't have the same problem with them as I live much closer & don't ask much of them anyway, only ever invite them to do stuff and am never offended if they decline, I'm pleased they're busy & enjoying retirement.

All very sad, I wish my sis could get over her disappointment and enjoy what we do have.

Actually, both my parents are from very large families. I wonder if they were bored with babaies and children before they even married and had their own, much less grandchildren.

I've had the same with parents. Just my mum still alive and we see her all the time. She is kind to my children but just not maternal in any way. Dh works office hours and I work evenings and we are like ships that pass in the night. We have to be like this because there is no one to help, ever.
Really sad.

We had illnesses, serious mental health issues, DH's mother died of cancer, work etc etc and never has anyone said 'would you like me to help out a bit?' Or 'could I watch them so you can have a sleep?'. Or maybe even 'I'd like to take them out for a bit and spend some time with them'. I'm envious of people who have such loving close family relationships where the grandparents want a good relationship with their grandkids, drop them to school or have them sleep over occasionally. Seems like an alternative reality!

flagnog - sorry! It's exactly that isn't it--- you just hope that they might step in because they want to be around the DCs or want to help. In my instance I really think that because childrearing is women's work my Father doesn't even think about what's involved or how he could help.

Ultimately I want them to spend time with DCs and I don't ask them to help, but it would nice if they would try as a sheer recognition of how hard it actually is raising children.

Doing it all myself for 2 1/2 years and not once have they said 'Gosh, you must be exhausted. Why don't I come up for the afternoon and take the DCs out to give you a break. It would be nice to see them.' Nope, never.