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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to continue breastfeeding?

122 replies

BrightOranges · 16/09/2016 10:31

When my baby was born, I never faced or noticed opposition within the first year. But since passing 12 months, I've lost count of the amount of times someone has said "ooh you'll have to stop now" "no that's too old to breastfeed" "you need to change to bottle now" etc.
Why? Why is it seen as wrong to still breastfeed my 16 month old?
BTW I love breastfeeding and it certainly hasn't put me off but I'm sure there are other mum's out there who it would deter.

OP posts:

Original poster

BrightOranges · 16/09/2016 21:12

So many of you I want to personally reply to but just too many. Thanks for all your thoughts, even the ones I disagree with!

I'm pretty strong minded so can handle the negativity. It just becomes tiring after a while.

OP posts:

SalemSaberhagen · 16/09/2016 21:32

My DD is 2 next week. I still feed her in public whenever she asks for it. She's a very good talker; some people look very taken aback when she is conversing in full sentences then asks for 'some milky please mummy?' but that's to be expected, when it is so uncommon.

Had a lot of people tell me I need to stop, thankfully never close family or my DP. I shall be letting her self wean, whenever that time may be.

I fed her at a toddler group yesterday. A woman there did a double take and came over to speak to me, thrilled that I was also feeding a toddler. She didn't know anyone else who did it. She was saying the same things that you are OP, it's really frustrating.

caffeine99 · 16/09/2016 21:42

I deliberately haven't read any comments on this - just your main post.

I am currently nursing a one year old and an almost three year old.

If you and your child are happy with your breastfeeding relationship then just keep on keeping on. No one else's business but yours. You do whatever works best for you and your family.

I always found that it helped to have the World Health Organisation advice to hand though - they recommend continued breastfeeding until age two and beyond.

emmyhNL · 16/09/2016 22:55

I think you're doing great! Continue doing what you're doing :-)

SandyY2K · 16/09/2016 22:56

Children can physically only do it until they're 7(ish) due to changes in the mouth shape (palate) when the adult teeth come in.

Not so. Older children than 7 have been breastfed. Where there's a will ... there's a way. If an adult can breastfeed, then an 8 year old certainly can. Look up 'adult nursing relationship' or ANR. It's a fettish among quite a few people.

I'm pro breastfeeding but there does come a point where you are doing it for yourself and not for the child.

I agree with this.^^^^

It's a personal choice for every mother to make.

16 months isn't by any means something that would make me turn my head, but I do remember a girl in Reception when my DD was younger literally pulling her mum's top up for a feed when she picked her up.

Very embarrassing all round and the girl got teased (I used to be a parent helper and witnessed it) after that by the other kids calling her a baby, because they only ever saw babies breastfeeding, it was very unpleasant to hear.

A lot of the feeling also comes from the view that progressing from breastfeeding is a sign of normal child development ..... the same as a baby moving onto solids.... moving from a bottle to a soppy cup .... it's another step forward.

I liked being able to go away with my DH or on a ladies weekend, without my DC depending/relying on my breasts for their food or as a nap snack or a pacifier or a calm down tool.

I had no worry that I'd no longer be bonded with my DC when I stopped breastfeeding them. It's not a case of the longer you BF the more bonded you are.

I breastfed both my DCs until they were 6 months and that worked fine for me and them. I needed my body back. I suspect it's easier to BF longer term when you're a SAHM, otherwise you'd need to express during the day.

nappyrat · 16/09/2016 23:18

So sorry to hear people saying 'no one needs to know, I just did it morning & night.

OP - I bf until 2 yrs and I just wanted to bring it to a v gentle stop then. But I loved loved it. The 'it's pointless when they're eating solids' argument - - it's comforting, loving, nurturing, wonderful!! So much more than food for the baby!!

Keep it up OP!

MrsJoeyMaynard · 16/09/2016 23:19

I suspect it's easier to BF longer term when you're a SAHM, otherwise you'd need to express during the day.

Depends how old the baby is. You'd certainly need to express during the day for a young baby. Not so much for an older baby or toddler who's taking a decent amount of solid food during the day.

I went back to work when DS2 was about 12 months. I didn't need to express during the day to maintain a milk supply for him - my supply adjusted to DS2s demands without any problems.

Writerwannabe83 · 16/09/2016 23:22

I suspect it's easier to BF longer term when you're a SAHM, otherwise you'd need to express during the day.

Not necessarily. I went back to work when DS was 10 months old and he's still breast fed now aged 2.5 years. I'm a nurse so when I went back to work I was away from him for 24 hours and for the first few months I did have to express at work but my supply then adapted to the point where I could go 48 hours without seeing him (due to my shifts) and not need to express.

Breast feeding a toddler is very different to breast feeding a baby in that respect as frequent feeds aren't a necessity to ensure milk production and milk isn't made in the same "baby needs a feed so let's create lots of milk" manner that occurs when breast feeding babies.

The longest I have had to be away from DS due to work is 72 hours, I didn't need to express at all during that time and then when I came back home my DS just breast fed as normal.

badg3r · 16/09/2016 23:43

I also experienced the change in tune at 12 months from mega supportive to isn't it time to stop? DS is 21 months now and still feeds quite a bit. He usually asks for milk when I pick him up from nursery and I feed him in the sling on the way home. I don't think he really needs it nutritionally so much as for comfort. People are sometimes interested if it hurts feeding a child with teeth and if it makes me tired. The reason I am still feeding him though is just that we both still enjoy it!

Sleepybeanbump · 16/09/2016 23:55

there's a lot of pressure to continue BF

See, people always say this but I just don't see it. I see the opposite. I've had increasing pressure to reduce/stop since he was 3/4 months. Get him on bottles. Do mixed feeding at least. Start weaning early. Wean more quickly. Start thinking about stopping permanently. After 6 months I started getting the 'ahem, so how long do you think you're going to carry on' conversations. He's only 8 months but ebf even up to 6 months was seen as somehow a bit crazy. I seem to be categorised as an 'extended breastfeeder' already.

Sleepybeanbump · 16/09/2016 23:59

I'm pro breastfeeding but there does come a point where you are doing it for yourself and not for the child.

WTAF? Seriously? Where on earth did you get that from?

user1471443957 · 17/09/2016 00:16

I found the pressure to stop from some people starts at 6m and then ramps up after a year. I can only imagine how it gets as they get older than that as the longest I went with any of mine was 15 months with my twins. I stopped when it felt right for me and them (cut down gradually). I wouldn't judge anyone else's decision to stop whenever is right for them/ their DCs.

Mojito6 · 17/09/2016 00:45

I personally couldn't breastfeed that long, not because it's wrong I just cannot manage it so good on you.
I do however find it incredibly strange that it is socially acceptable to drink milk from a cow as opposed to a baby drinking milk from its mother

SpeakNoWords · 17/09/2016 00:57

Sandy I was always able to leave my DS with others when he was an older baby. Other people develop their own ways of settling and comforting, DP had no problems and neither did grandparents. He was also absolutely fine at nursery, went down for naps no problem etc.

No one has said that the longer you breastfeed the more "bonded" you are. It's one way of bonding that's a useful tool to have. It's not the only way, and it doesn't make you more bonded than any other mother to their child.

As for this:

"an adult can breastfeed, then an 8 year old certainly can. Look up 'adult nursing relationship' or ANR. It's a fettish among quite a few people."

An adult sexual fetish is nothing to do with breastfeeding a baby/child, and I'm amazed you'd try to draw any comparison.

PaperdollCartoon · 17/09/2016 09:40

I think you misunderstood that statement, it wasn't making a comparison between the two it was addressing some people's belief that it's impossible to feed after adult teeth come in due to changes in mouth shape.

SpeakNoWords · 17/09/2016 09:56

I understand, I disagree with it. I think it's grim to bring it into the discussion at all. Whatever two adults are doing as a sexual fetish, it is not breastfeeding. It's just not the same thing at all, an adult isn't going to be actually latching on and feeding like a baby does. I'm typing this whilst breastfeeding my baby, and I find it repulsive that someone would use an adult sexual fetish to try and seriously discuss natural term breastfeeding.

Original poster

BrightOranges · 17/09/2016 10:02

I actually work and don't need to express. My body has adapted to the change and like has been said, it's not as when feeding a newborn.

I have kept going for many reasons: baby still requires milk, nutritional, antibodies, health benefits to me as well as baby, bonding, comforting. And the list goes on.

OP posts:

Original poster

BrightOranges · 17/09/2016 10:05

SpeakNoWords I think that is why a lot of people don't like to see older babies and toddlers bf. Because they see breasts as sexual.

I didn't think I would actually continue for as long as I have but this kind of mentality makes me want to stick two fingers up.

OP posts:

MrsJoeyMaynard · 17/09/2016 10:19

I find it repulsive that someone would use an adult sexual fetish to try and seriously discuss natural term breastfeeding.

I agree.
But I also think this is a good example of why some people have an issue with natural term breastfeeding - they're so used to seeing breasts as sexual adult only objects, that they can't separate that secondary function in their heads from the breast's primary function of an infant, particularly an older baby / toddler, using his / her mother's breasts as a source of nutrition and comfort.

gallicgirl · 17/09/2016 10:26

To be fair, when my 18 month old giggles as I get my boobs ready to feed him, I do wonder how much enjoyment he gets from bf!!

Seriously though, MrsJoeyMaynard had it spot on. Society doesn't see extended breastfeeding often whereas they do see a lot of tits in a sexualised context so it's no surprise which one is seen as 'normal'.

PS: Do you think Joey Maynard breastfed? All those kids!

dustarr73 · 17/09/2016 10:33

Plus i think a lot of people dont understand bf.They think you are tied to the kids.Not the case i went on weekends away and back to work.Your body adapts which is what people dont understand.

They are still in the mindset its every 1,2,3 hours.Like wiht a newborn.

AllTheShoes · 17/09/2016 19:40

gallic There's some interesting bits in the unedited versions of the books which imply she does, at least for six months or so. There's a fair amount of going places without kids but with baby because the baby "still needs me" or saying something like "He doesn't need me, he's well way on strained fruit and looks so sweet with his little cup and spoon". I may have thought about this too much...

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