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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to continue breastfeeding?

122 replies

BrightOranges · 16/09/2016 10:31

When my baby was born, I never faced or noticed opposition within the first year. But since passing 12 months, I've lost count of the amount of times someone has said "ooh you'll have to stop now" "no that's too old to breastfeed" "you need to change to bottle now" etc.
Why? Why is it seen as wrong to still breastfeed my 16 month old?
BTW I love breastfeeding and it certainly hasn't put me off but I'm sure there are other mum's out there who it would deter.

OP posts:
Hmmnotkeen · 16/09/2016 11:16

God I'd love to ban the word bitty. Sigh.

maizieD · 16/09/2016 11:16

Speaking as a Granny who bf both her children until they gave up of their own accord (at between 19 & 24 months) I'd say at once not to let what other people say bother you in the slightest.

My only note of caution would be if your child hasn't taken to mixed feeding; there seems to be an optimum period for introducing other foods and you could have problems with weaning to solids if breastmilk is still your child's main food source (and please don't anyone shout '3rd world countries' at me; they are different). I had a friend who seemed to miss the 'optimum' and ended up breastfeeding both quite old toddler (I forget just how old) and newborn for a while.

(P.S. my 'optimum' isn't a scientific one; just mumsy observation of babies & toddlers)

CalleighDoodle · 16/09/2016 11:22

I never faced any negativitiy (apart from my mum and gran worried the babies were taking too much from me as bf kept me a size 8) and bf'd until dd was 22 months and ds was 28 months. But i have resting bitch face and a short fuse Grin
When trying to get ds to stop random feeds a woman commented to tell me to feed him! He was over two at this point. I think i must just be lucky. I live in a multicultural town though.

wayway13 · 16/09/2016 11:24

Cow's milk is nutritious. Formula is nutritious. Breastmilk is too and it doesn't just turn to water on a child's 1st birthday!

People felt the need to inform me that my toddler didn't NEED my milk. Well, no, she didn't but she bloody well wanted it. It was still nutritious and she took comfort in it. I tried to wean a couple of times and she screamed the house down. At 22 months she was ready and I got my body back (for a total of 2 months before getting pregnant again).

Crunchymum · 16/09/2016 11:25

I tend not to feed my 20 month in front of my family unless I have to (DD is the only breastfed child on my side Shock and that includes my older DC who wasn't breastfed)

I just don't feel comfortable exposing them to extended feeding no matter how natural / normal it is to me

I just do what I need to do, I'm not political about it.

HeCantBeSerious · 16/09/2016 11:34

I think its because people just presume a 16mth old with be eating and drinking a normal diet by then and doesn't need bf like a newborn does

Highly unlikely the breastmilk is anything but a supplement to the "normal diet" (which ironically would probably include cows' milk).

SpagettiNetty · 16/09/2016 11:53

I'm still breastfeeding my 17 month old, and I get loads of comments about 17 months being too old! I drives me nuts, because its nobodies business but mine, and I don't actually mention it unless asked. Sometimes it feel like people ask if I'm still feeding just so they can disapprove.

If I get comments about bottles, I usually reply with "seriously, don't you know how bad bottles are for the teeth?"

If's its said in a nice way, I'll explain that we've decided to allow dd to self wean, but I'm not expecting it to happen anytime soon as she's is teething and it brings her comfort.

If I feel its said in a mean/judgemental way then I just say "I following WHO guidlines thanks, after all they are the experts, not you!"

YokoUhOh · 16/09/2016 11:58

Keep going OP!

DS1 fed until nearly 3. I had to barricade the bedroom and get my mum to sit with him when I decided enough was enough (wanted to conceive DC2 and couldn't because breastfeeding).

Towards the end I just fed at night; I was paranoid that we'd get funny comments like Raspberry's.

The Politics of Breastfeeding is a good read and will shore up your confidence to carry on.

MrsMook · 16/09/2016 12:16

No one was really aware of how long I BFed mine for (13 & 20m). Their feeds naturally dwindled to times that we were around the house so we seldom had an audience. I RTW P/T when DS2 was 10m and he just fed around those days and caught up at home.

Writerwannabe83 · 16/09/2016 12:18

My son is 2yr 6m and still breast feeds twice a day.

A very select few of family members and friends are aware of this and never pass any comment.

A lot of my colleagues know and I get negative comments from about 75% of them relatively frequently.

Apparently giving a toddler cows milk is perfectly fine but god forbid they have milk designed for a human.

I only BF at home and the only person I do it in front of is my DH.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 16/09/2016 12:29

DS2 continued breastfeeding until he self weaned at almost 3yrs old. He wanted to keep breastfeeding, and I couldn't see any good reason to insist that he switched to formula or cows milk instead.

Personally I think it's a bit odd when people say an older baby / toddler is too old for breastmilk, but still think the older baby / toddler should be offered formula / cows milk as an alternative to breastmilk. Breastmilk is still nutritious after a baby turns 1, and by the time the baby is 16 months, it's going to be a supplement to solid food rather than the main part of the baby's diet in most cases.

OP, I used to find it helpful to tell people about the WHO guidelines if they started going on about DS2 being too old to breastfeed. The WHO guidelines recommend breastfeeding to 2 yrs old (alongside other food and drink after 6 months), and for as long after that as the child and mother want to. By the time DS2 reached 2 yrs old, he was mostly just wanting breastfeeding at bedtime / nap time, so most people didn't know he was breastfeeding for as long as he did.

I was also on a local FB group for mums breastfeeding toddlers which helped for moral support - there's a lot more mum's feeding older babies / toddlers out there than you might think, you just don't see it all that much in public, because the toddlers are usually eating solid food / other drinks at meal and snack times rather than going straight to breastmilk as a first resort when they're hungry or thirsty.

jimijack · 16/09/2016 12:40

I was bolshy and adamant I'm afraid, not people pleasing or gentle, it got the point across.
I just said that I intended on stopping on his 3rd birthday..and I did.

No further discussion, no explanations, just that.

I bloody loved bf my little happy chap and at 43, too long in the tooth to be interested in people's comments or opinions, they can keep them thank you very much.

Keep going, it's lovely Flowers

randomsabreuse · 16/09/2016 12:53

I regret giving up at 12 months but my supply was really struggling as DD needed me to be dairy and egg free and DH health issues meant she had to be left for decent chunks of time in the day with inlaws etc. Sleeping through probably didn't help either but it got to the point that the morning feed involved her climbing on my head, biting my nose and trying to leap off the bed and bought us next to no time before getting up and having breakfast with dairy free formula.

Expressing was slow as well and there just weren't enough hours in the day. Was hoping to carry on longer just morning and night but it wasn't to be...

Admittedly I don't regret it when I tuck into cheese and cake

HeCantBeSerious · 16/09/2016 12:58

wanted to conceive DC2 and couldn't because breastfeeding

Fertility is only affected if you're feeding 5 or more times a day. Surely your 3 year old was feeding less than that?

CaffeineBomb · 16/09/2016 13:17

HeCantBeSerious not strictly true im not sure where you got 5 times per day from? Although the more often you nurse the more likely it it that fertility won't return immediately there are various factors involved, I think nursing at night plays a big part but there are a few studies around this.

Apparently your body transitions slowly back to full fertility (there's lots of info on kellymom) and for some women this happens quickly, my periods returned 7 months postpartum, for many women they don't return until much later. As an aside, even if she was nursing her toddler 5 times a day what is wrong with that?

OP you carry on I'm currently weaning my 19 month old for medical reasons and it's so upsetting. BF is lovely don't stop until you want to Flowers

TinyTear · 16/09/2016 13:19

I fed my elders until 3y2m and she stopped when her sister was born. last year was just on wake up and bedtime

youngest is 18 months and still going strong...

Abrahamkin · 16/09/2016 13:21

My DS is 19 mo and I get comments sometimes about 'Isn't it time that you stop?' I typically just say 'Well, WHO recommends breastfeeding to a minimum of 2 years so...' and often that shuts them up. Not sure what to do if he's still bf after 2 years Grin.

bookwormnerd · 16/09/2016 13:24

Just ignore comments. I still breastfeed my son at 2 and I fed daughter till neerly 2 then she self weened. I don't think many people realise I still bread feed as he usually just wants before nap and first thing in morning. I have no idea why anyone would judge, at the end of the day why is it so much more normal to have cows milk. Sometimes I think people just think you think you are better for doing I when in actual fact as long as baby/toddler is fed I don't think it matters. Breast feeding is what worked for our family. Really just do what you want

Hobbitch · 16/09/2016 13:32

My MIL keeps referring to the Bitty sketch when she sees me breastfeed my 19-month old. I usually get on well with her but want to tell her to fuck right off for that.

Let's keep breastfeeding for as long as we want. It's our kids and it's good for them. I don't care if it disturbs people.

SandyY2K · 16/09/2016 13:36

It's your decision to do so, but I don't see the need to breastfeed at that age, as a child can get all the required nutrients from a balanced diet.

The purpose of breastfeeding is by and large to bond and to give your baby all the required nutrients when their digestive systems cannot deal with regular food.

Some mums continue breastfeeding because they like it, not because the child needs it.

Some continue to keep their partners at bay. (Yes.. I've heard it and watched a show about it)

A lot of breastfed toddlers are clingy and over attached to their mums, then they complain that the dad doesn't do anything or that they never get time away from the baby. Well breastfeeding means your child is always going to want you around, so just know that it makes a rod for your back.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 16/09/2016 13:42

I really don't see why you can't say "What has it got to do with you?" Say it in a smiley way and wait for a answer.

Iwantawhippet · 16/09/2016 13:48

The offensive thing in people's comments is the unspoken assumption that you shouldn't breastfeed a child beyond a certain point. I would respond with an assumption "you're not one of those anti-breastfeeding types are you?".

Hmmnotkeen · 16/09/2016 13:49

While I'm banning the word bitty, I'd also like to ban the phrase "rod for your own back,". It's a real shame I don't get my own way all the time Wink

Abrahamkin · 16/09/2016 13:50

SandraY2K Yes. There is no need for breastfeeding at that age, but there is no need for a lot of things in life (cake? wine? gin? coffee?) but we still take them.

My DS is certainly not clingy to me any more than he is to his dad! In fact it is my DH who works shorter hours to spend time with him not me. And when I was the one at home, it was his dad who was 'his favourite' not me. I'm sure you can find similar anecdotes either way for both breastfed and non-breastfed toddlers!

onecurrantbun1 · 16/09/2016 13:50

raspberry oh DFOD, OP's child is 16 months, not 16

I am astounded at the outrage etc reported on MN, i just stopped discussing BF once mine were a few months old as it was just part of our routine - I don't discuss the fact i put clean pants on every day or have a poo 5 times a week so why would BF be any different? I get that you may have to occasionally feed an older baby in public but for us it was usually at naptime, bedtime and first thing so not an issue

If you want to continue then continue