Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask which child gets the biggest bedroom?

94 replies

WinterIsHereJon · 14/09/2016 22:42

We have finally managed to sell our two up-two down, hurray! Financial issues and then a long 18 months waiting for a buyer, but DCs 8 and 4 finally about to get their own room. DP can't agree on who gets the bigger room; second and third bedrooms in new house quite different in size. I think it should be the eldest DC, DP thinks the youngest as she still plays with toys more so requires more space? Just interested to know what others did. WIBU to toss a coin? DCs have no preference, just happy for peace from each other Grin

OP posts:
Kitsandkids · 14/09/2016 23:37

When we recently moved we gave ourselves the smallest room so that our 2 boys could each have a largish room. And thankfully the first time they looked round the new house they each chose a different bedroom. Otherwise I would have tossed a coin or something.

So if I were you I would, if possible, give yourself the small room.

TheLastHeatwave · 14/09/2016 23:37

redglitter. I'm in my 40's. I think I missed the memo about 'growing out of lying on the floor playing' 😁

Traditionally the eldest gets it.

Rationally it makes more sense that the one the needs it more gets it.

In your situation I'd put the eldest in there as she'll probably need it more (sleepovers, home work, space to play with friends away from the little one), but if you don't think that's the case then do it the other way around. But do it on 'best use' not 'date of birth'.

Careforadrink · 14/09/2016 23:37

Eldest.

Pretty automatic in our family.

RepentAtLeisure · 14/09/2016 23:50

If the elder one likes reading on their bed, and the younger likes running around, then the younger should have more space.

SuburbanRhonda · 14/09/2016 23:55

I was also going to say that if they're all double rooms, parents should take the smallest room as they spend the least time in their room.

MaudlinNamechange · 14/09/2016 23:55

Can anyone remotely justify the eldest thing?

Do you all also have husbands who are "head of the house"?

MyKingdomForBrie · 14/09/2016 23:58

can anyone remotely justify the eldest thing only centuries of social tradition! Right or wrong that's where it comes from.

They eldest was there first? It seems to feel innately fair to children? Certainly never bothered me when I was little, I got a high sleeper and had loads of space and a cool den like feel to part of my room. Certainly didn't play into any sibling dynamic in our family.

OlennasWimple · 15/09/2016 00:01

Eldest gets the biggest room; youngest gets the hang ups of not being the PFB or deemed worthy of the biggest room

NapQueen · 15/09/2016 00:02

Because the younger sibling will get it eventually. Once the elder moves out the younger can move up.

Wordsmith · 15/09/2016 00:03

Our boys have swopped between the large and the small room a couple of times. For the past 5 or so years the eldest has had the small room as all he's into is gaming on his computer and the youngest has had the big room as he was still into toys. They've just swopped again as eldest is now 16 and will be having double bed. It's been a great opportunity to offload some of the toddler toys that 12 yr old DS2 has always fought against letting go.

FamousGBBOGoOnAnAdventure · 15/09/2016 00:05

If the eldest does, do they keep it when they go to uni or does the younger sibling get it then ?

Careforadrink · 15/09/2016 00:09

Eldest having the biggest room is nothing is remotely like a husband being head of the house. For starters eldest isn't gender specific.

The eldest is physically bigger. Will go through puberty first....may wish for greater privacy. May need more space for schoolwork. Sleepovers, relationships etc..

Seems the obvious choice to me

MaudlinNamechange · 15/09/2016 00:11

"For starters eldest isn't gender specific."

It's just as arbitrary.

"Will go through puberty first....may wish for greater privacy"

  • which can be had in a room of one's own of any size

Things like homework, sleepovers, being physically big - these will happen to all the children eventually, but when it happens to the younger one, (s)he will be stuck with the smaller room anyway

"Because the younger sibling will get it eventually. Once the elder moves out the younger can move up."

Unless there are two children with an age gap of 9 years or more, this still disadvantages the younger child.

I am astonished that everyone thinks this is so obvious.

FamousGBBOGoOnAnAdventure · 15/09/2016 00:11

My eldest is soon going to be the shortest, his younger sibling is the same height but six years younger, I guess he needs the larger room then ?

MaudlinNamechange · 15/09/2016 00:14

It makes sense, as much as any of the other nonsense, Famous.

If your husband is older than you, does he have a bigger wardrobe than you and is he allowed more space in the bedroom?

Careforadrink · 15/09/2016 00:20

Well you seem to be swimming against the tide maudlin as the majority of people on this thread at first glance would appear to agree.

MaudlinNamechange · 15/09/2016 00:22

nope, still not a sensible argument

"everyone else does it"

not working for me

Thingvellir · 15/09/2016 00:23

In our house the youngest has the bigger room (actually in sq foot he has the biggest room of all!). This was due to house layout - master bedroom and bedroom 2 are on the same floor, older child was put in next largest room which is on a different floor. I didn't want youngest too far away as when we moved in as was still dealing with night feedings etc. I did 'soup up' DC1s room though (great expression from a pp!), climb up bed, den, desk etc so it's a special space for her. Also both rooms are a good size, just one is huge, the other less huge.

Agree the dominance of eldest on this thread is a bit strange, why should a younger always get the next best?

Careforadrink · 15/09/2016 00:24

It doesn't have to work for you. It's your choice.

Everyone else does it is not the reason though. It makes sense to me and no doubt the majority for all the reasons that many posters have outlined.

sweetkitty · 15/09/2016 00:28

Ours is the eldest too.

We used to have DD1&3 in one room, DD2 in the teeny box room. We built an extension, DD1 got the newly extended no room which is the biggest room, DD3 stayed where she was, DD2 has the smallest room but she wanted it as it was downstairs and DS got the last room which is second largest.

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 15/09/2016 00:30

Whoever's likely to spend most time in it.

user1471443957 · 15/09/2016 00:31

Youngest should have the bigger room because 4 is a bit young for a high sleeper, which eldest could have in the smallest room. Or find a house with more evenly sized rooms.

Brokenbiscuit · 15/09/2016 00:31

It seems to feel innately fair to children?

It never felt fair to me, not one jot. In fact, I think I still resent having had the smaller room as a kid, despite having left home 25+ years ago. It really upset me at the time.

What I really struggle to understand are all the comments along the lines of the eldest needing a bigger room for sleepovers, or a desk for doing homework etc. And the suggestions that the youngest can have the bigger room when the oldest one leaves home.

Do you all have really massive gaps between your children or something, so that they don't need these things at the same time? Will the younger one not want sleepovers in a couple of years as well? Won't they start getting homework too? Are you going to move then, or is the younger one just going to have to suck it up because the older one got there first?

And when will the older DC move out so that the younger one can benefit from the extra space? My DSis didn't vacate her room until well after I'd left home.

Am I bitter about this? Yes, I am - it still feels really unfair, all these years later. Sometimes I'm so glad I have an only child!

In your situation, OP, I'd toss a coin, or make them swap every couple of years.

Brokenbiscuit · 15/09/2016 00:35

And I agree with Maudlin that this kind of thing can have a long term impact on relationship dynamics. I'm actually quite shocked at how angry this thread makes me feel. Shock

ohtheholidays · 15/09/2016 00:47

The oldest(and I am the youngest of 3)because it wont be long before your oldest DC is in secondary school and the amount of stuff they end up needing for secondary school is madness(we have 5DC) plus it won't be long before your oldest starts wanting to have friends round and as they get older they tend to spend more time in they're rooms with they're friends rather than the rest of the house and when they start wanting to have friends over for sleepovers the bigger room will be needed.

Presuming your oldest will go onto university then once that happens the rooms can be swapped around so that your youngest child gets to move into the biggest room of the 2.