To worry that most people think this

[Motg82]

In response to another thread about how shit parenting is. It's made me feel really depressed. I've just had my second and don't feel the way everybody on the thread does, but worry that at some point I will. It almost sounds like it's inevitable.

Do most people feel like this about parenting?

I think some people overplay the difficulties if I'm honest. I have 3 kids, work pt, one child has ASD and is in a special school, another has diabetes and I've just had to leave work to pick him up as he's stuck in a hypo. The third is a toddler. Nuff said!

I love spending time with my kids-it is the best and even the hard bits can be got through and give me a sense of doing something with my life, which a career and study never completely did.

They make me laugh and I'd love another.

Don't worry, you'll be fine.

I'm with you splendide. I am sick to the back teeth of people with good sleepers who think it's all down to their hard work - as if those of us with bad sleepers haven't tried what they've done - I guarantee we've worked far far far harder to get our kids to sleep and into a routine than they have ever done Thankfully on MN most people agree it's largely down to luck but you do get the odd eejit exception.

I don't feel that way. I think threads like that attract people who either do or are having a bad day and want to vent. We all have bad days.

I like my kids, they make me happy.

"Overplay the difficulties"? Why not just assume that everyone experiences things differently?

I found the early months of 2 under 2 very dark.i adored them, and certainly had joyful moments but when I look back I feel 'dark' about it. Lack of support/village, no sleep, no money, half finished house, DH out of the house 14 hrs a day etc. Of course come had it harder, but it was.still a trying time.

I don't. I find it monotonous/dull occasionally but all in all I absolutely love it. I am one of those women who could happily go on having babies forever! I really enjoy my children.
We have 4 and the faces people pull when they hear that are amazing but I really just don't find it all that hard at all.

We do have a troll who regularly comes on and says similar - wishes she could get rid/have adopted/never had them. I think it's designed to shit people up and get them to share negativity. Not saying that particular thread was them, just to be aware that it's a distinct possibility with posts that invite sharing of experiences.

FWIW, I've never felt like that, everyone has off days, we just have to get on with it. Life in s nutshell really

OP this is really important: PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT

This is the main reason that people have different experiences in life...because they are DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

Some people love being a parent, some people hate it. It would be nice if it was possible to know which you were in advance...

It isn't catching! Reading about people having a bad time parenting, won't cause you to.

I don't feel like that about parenting either.
Yes, Ive had crappy days. Yes, sleep deprivation is torture and yes, there are days when it all seems too much.

However, those days haven't overshadowed parenting in general and I've had more days of fun and laughter than crap.

I found my own rhythm and go along with it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but overall, it seems ok.

I'm sure you'll be fine.

I don't hate it.

Sometimes it's competitive misery. Just breeze over it. Some posters like to be all "woe is me" and "oh the fucking kids, where's the gin"

That's fine, but if it's not "you", just ignore it.

splendide

My children have quite a strict routine which I have followed since babyhood. They go to sleep wonderfully well. They wake up not so wonderfully often

Not all babies follow the manual, even if you do.

The thing I find is people often read the situation backwards - they see you rocking a baby, cosleeping etc and think that is what you've done to create the non sleeper; when often these things happen as a result of the non sleeping baby.

Another one who feels bad about being a parent some times, but not all the time by a long shot!

Mostly I love it. I adore my boys, I'm so glad I had them - but some days, when they will NOT stop fighting, whining, screaming, TALKING at me, I fantasise about running away for a couple of days maybe. Even a few hours! Some days I think I must be doing them the most dreadful amount of psychological damage when I scream back at them because I've hit the end of my rope; other days I know I'm doing all right because they love me to bits and tell me so.

But those negative feelings are very temporary - mostly I'm just glad to have my children, and I'm so proud of them.

I do have to say though - 3 is a VERY trying age.

See people say "oh this and that age are trying" and it just gives everyone with younger kids the willies.

Mine is 3.11 and she's lovely! I've really enjoyed her being 3 :)

Thanks Satsuki I was being oversensitive I'm sure! I wouldn't even say I hate having children, I mostly love being with DS these days (just not at 4 am).

I can understand where you're coming from.

While completely understanding where the posters may have been coming from and being glad they all had a non judgemental place to vent their frustrations- that thread really depressed me.

I can only answer for myself obviously but no - I don't think like this. Far from it. I didn't join in on the other thread as I had nothing to contribute (and I would have sounded like a dickhead - wasn't the place for my own experience).

I have 3 children (aged 10, 6 and 5) and, while knowing its inevitable - don't particularly look forward to the day where they're all gone and the house is empty. I absolutely fucking ADORE this parenting lark. Don't get me wrong - I have those days where I think I'm going to tear my hair out but - for the most part - its brilliant. They are interesting and funny and I love it.

Maybe its because I work full time and get a 'break' (its not an actual break - but its a break from being with 3 kids 24/7).

I don't believe its inevitable that you will feel like the majority on the other thread. Not at all. Don't worry about it. Enjoy it.
I think you have loads and loads to look forward to actually and in my experience, as they get (a little) older it gets easier and easier.

I love being a parent, nothing has made me prouder or brought me more joy in my entire life (and I'm not a young mum). My DS truly is the light of my life and is the best thing I have ever done.

Yes there are days when it's really tough and days when I'm utterly frazzled, of course there are, but I haven't had a single day since his birth when he hasn't made me glad he's here. I have a supportive husband though who works reasonable hours and does his 'share' around the house and in terms of parenting. That really helps.

That thread is excellent, its really honest and I think we need more of that but it's a snapshot of how some people feel at that moment, not a reflection on everybody's experience of being a parent.

splendide, no need to sabotage a positive thread with sarcastic comments, you have missed the point of my post.

I think some people overplay the difficulties if I'm honest. - What makes you think that?

Happy to hear the point of your post if you don't mind explaining it.

I think it's great to have a place where it's possible to express such feelings without being judged, which I'm definitely not! and you're right I'm probably being over sensitive...my newborn is 6 weeks old.

I think it just hit a nerve because obviously most of us have felt like that at one time or another, but the overwhelming sense in that thread was that the bad most definitely outweighed the good most of the time. It's just a horrible thought to know that can happen I guess.

I think absolutely the most important point made in this thread is this one - that everyone is different. Everyone reacts differently to different stresses.
Some people can deal with less sleep, others really can't and so the early weeks become hell on wheels.
Some people can cope with the noise of baby crying, others really can't.

The point I'm trying to make is that it is utterly unreasonable for any poster to say "well I managed this so therefore it's going to be ok for you too" - you cannot POSSIBLY know that, because You Are NOT Them. They Are NOT You. Their sensitivities, their flaws, their lives will be different - and they might struggle with things that you don't (and vice versa, you never know!)

And for some, yes, the bad will outweigh the good, sadly - undiagnosed PND could be a reason, or they might just be missing the maternal bone, or they might have been coerced into having the child(ren) in the first place and really resent it.

But for most of us, the good will outweigh the bad. Most, not all.

For you, OP - take the positive, and try to forget the strongly negative - you have the choice what you take away from these threads. :)

everyone is different. Everyone reacts differently to different stresses.
Some people can deal with less sleep, others really can't and so the early weeks become hell on wheels. Some people can cope with the noise of baby crying, others really can't.

Yes. And babies and children are different too. Some are easier. Some are harder.

So it's not just that parents react differently to things like broken sleep - they are dealing with different challenges too. Like 8 weeks of broken sleep vs 3+ years of broken sleep.

This will affect how much fun or not fun people find parenting.

Splendide....the point of my post was that everyone's experience will be different, some are very negative at times due to stages of parenting they personally dislike or find difficult, for example l loved the o-8 stages but am a bit (very) worried about the teenage years.

Also when l was feeling very bleak about parenthood when pregnant,( l was very ill throughout), a simple comment changed the way l felt about coping, and how l did things and made the whole thing much more enjoyable.

l am not sure why you are affronted by my post!

I'm not affronted, I'm sad.

I took from you saying that you hated chaos and not sleeping so you got them in a good routine to mean that you thought people suffering from broken sleep just hadn't tried hard enough to get them in a routine.

I do try to be more positive and I have done CBT to try to help. I'm having an extremely hard time just at the moment.

Dragon what I took from your post is that as long as a parent "does it their way" then they will have a happy time as a parent.

Which completely ignores the fact that the baby may not cooperate with "your way". Yours did - lucky you.

I read that thread. I don't feel that way. Even on my worst days, I love being a parent.

But it wouldn't have been appropriate to post that sentiment on a thread where people are venting. It would have come across as smug.

Similarly occasionally there ar threads about how useless all men are. My DH isn't useless, he's lovely but if the whole thread is being used cathartically by posters to let out some tension about their other halves it would been out of place to comment.

People who post on MN are self selecting - it's not necessarily representative.