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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask would you have another baby?

62 replies

Mirrorward · 13/09/2016 23:31

I've had to NC as this with my other threads would give me away. But perhaps it might anyway?

I have two DCs. The first ended up in NICU the second in SCBU.

I had traumatic sections with both of them (separation, back in theatre lots of personal complications)

DC1 almost died from respiratory distress. We were eventually in separate hospitals.

I had gestational diabetes, SPD and obstetric cholestasis for both pregnancies.

I suffered from PND with both. I was super hard on myself re breastfeeding much was down to low supply poorly babies undiagnosed tongue tie.

DH has said j can have another baby. Section would be planned this time. I diet and exercise control my GD. I spent a fortune with a osteopath to keep walking when j has SPD. I will get OC again it's inevitable.

I feel I have one more baby left in me. I have no local support. But eldest DC is now in school. What should I do? AIBU? My mum and Nan both said leave it. It's too risky all of it. For me and baby. I don't know what I can't explain why I want another baby then I know I'm done.

OP posts:
e1y1 · 13/09/2016 23:35

If it were me, no I wouldn't.

However, it's your decision, as long as you can hand on heart say you are prepared for what could happen, and you have a support network to help looking after your 3 children. Then go for it.

Original poster
Mirrorward · 13/09/2016 23:42

No support network. I would be going it alone. If I get pregnant next year it would coincide with DC2 starting preschool 3 mornings. But I have no family support. Husband is out of house 7-7 but he is back for bath time

OP posts:
PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 13/09/2016 23:44

If you want ant another boy any time then go for it but I think how will you cope with no local support? I had a emergency c-sec and it took 9 weeks to recover. Normal is 6 weeks. Will this be an issue for you if you have no local support?

user1466690252 · 13/09/2016 23:44

Nope. Sorry but i wouldnt. Not just for the many reasons you stated either.

ifcatscouldtalk · 13/09/2016 23:45

After all that you've dealt with I wouldn't, but I am not you.
After pnd I didn't want a second! Good health is important to me and that included my mental health. I'm sure your mum and nan are just concerned and want you to enjoy what you already have.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 13/09/2016 23:45

That's supposed to be baby and not boy. Stupid phone

umizoomi · 13/09/2016 23:45

No. I wouldn't

But what we say probably won't matter.

e1y1 · 13/09/2016 23:46

Well if it would coincide with DC2 being at school, that of course would make it a bit easier.

And your DH being able to help out with the evening routine too.

ifcatscouldtalk · 13/09/2016 23:48

Just reading your post again I would actually be terrified to have more if i'd gone through all what you have listed!

Original poster
Mirrorward · 13/09/2016 23:49

My first section I was up and about in 2 weeks. Partly to do with having a baby in NICU in another hospital and eventually moving to that hospital. Second baby section took its toll. DH had to help in mornings then I would walk really. At 4-6 weeks my mother stayed to help for a week. (She lives about 3 hours away). I just can't stop myself from feeling like I want another. I want another baby so much it hurts BUT my sensible side is saying that I can't do it and my Nan and Mother they are right I know. They worry about me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mirrorward · 13/09/2016 23:52

Ive only given half story in my post as much more happened to me personally. I can't say too much because will give me away. But I am lucky to be here. That's what docs told me first time. I'm being stupid. I would read me and say you dumb bloody cow! You have two kids just stop! I am glad they are bright and healthy. I shouldn't chance it. But I look to my future and I want a bigger family

OP posts:
Original poster
Mirrorward · 13/09/2016 23:53

Dc2 would be in preschool so max 15 hours a week

OP posts:
purpleshortcake · 13/09/2016 23:58

You say you see your future with a bigger family. Could pursuing adoption be an option? It would minimise the health risks to you (and hence the potential impact on your children of an ill/recovering mother). I'm not saying it's an easy route or even possible but wondered if it's something that had ever crossed your mind??

jellybeans · 14/09/2016 00:06

Yes i would and did. I had extreme complications, lost 4 babies 2 being stillbirths, massive post section hemorrhage, blood clotting issues, 3 autoimmune disorders and almost lost 2 babies who ended up in NICU. My parents were not happy when I told them I was pregnant. I had a cervical stitch and blood thinners and was in and out of hospital but he was so worth it. I know I am done now!! I enjoyed every minute of him, truly a blessing. A planned section is much safer, you will probably have a top consultant. I had no complications.

Original poster
Mirrorward · 14/09/2016 00:06

Have definitely considered adoption spoke to DH about it last week. He seemed happy for it to be something we could consider. He felt we had a lot to offer a child. We only touched on it for 30 mins or so. So we would need to spend some time researching if it's something we could be an option for.

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom · 14/09/2016 00:07

No I wouldn't.

Amalfimamma · 14/09/2016 00:12

I've been in your exact situation, almost exactly the same back story and yes, I'm going to wait a year or two, but I fully plan on doing number 3. I've already spoken to my OBGYN about pre pregnancy care and what I need to do to keep baby and I healthy and safe.

OP do what is in your heart, but get a good midwife and a great OBGYN in place first

Original poster
Mirrorward · 14/09/2016 09:46

My heart changes one day to the next that's the problem! Especially when j have a tough day with the two I have!

OP posts:
HateSummer · 14/09/2016 09:56

No. Just think of the children you DO have. Your health is so important to those children. They need a healthy, happy mother. Don't put them at risk of losing you or having to see you ill in hospital.

I understand the broodiness, I had it severely after baby 2 and ended up with baby 3 but my health wasn't at risk and I had a straightforward birth with no complications.

SparkleSoiree · 14/09/2016 09:59

We had similar dilemma 5yrs ago. 3 c-sections, post op complications with each and a near fatal illness followed by PND after the last one. We decided it wasn't worth the risk as each pregnancy bought a new set of issues and we couldn't predict what they were.

I have somehow gotten past my broodiness, perhaps because I'm now a grandmother of an absolutely beautiful 2yr old.

EveOnline2016 · 14/09/2016 10:58

I wouldn't take the risk, the fact that you are lucky to be here should be all you need to know.

Look at your 2 beautiful children and imagine them without a mother, because the next pregnancy could leave them without a mum.

CakeByTheOcean · 14/09/2016 11:09

I would OP. I couldn't take the risk that I might leave my existing children motherless. Sometimes head has to rule heart.

CakeByTheOcean · 14/09/2016 11:09

Should be wouldn't

ButtfaceMiscreant · 14/09/2016 11:16

I wouldn't either. I said after DC1 (traumatic birth, major primary and secondary PPHs) that I would only get pregnant one more time, even though we wanted 2/3 children, and if the birth was anything like my first then definitely never again as I didn't want to risk my child(ren) having no mother through what is essentially a selfish act of having more children because I wanted them.

As it happens, I got pregnant and had twins (better birth but still had primary and secondary PPHs) so definitely no more babies for me, but had I only had a singleton the second time, despite having a better birth, I would still be reluctant to go through it a third time.

I think there comes a point where you have to look at things realistically, and ignore your wants for the bigger picture. Good luck with whatever you choose as it is your decision, not ours.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/09/2016 11:16

Huh.

I had both my babies late, owing to when I met DH - the 1st pg was a breeze, the 2nd one wasn't. I didn't have half the problems you had either; but after I'd had Ds2 I wondered and wondered about going for no. 3, despite my age and the problems with having Ds2 - right up until his 3rd birthday. And then it all just went away and I was SOO relieved - no more broody feelings, no more wishing I still had a baby, no more wishing I'd had a girl baby - none of it. And this despite 2 friends having girl babies around that time, so I was fully exposed to what having a girl baby would be like - but the impetus was completely gone.

In your situation, I would say "Wait". If you have the time, wait another couple of years, until you have a bigger gap and your other DC are more self-reliant - and see if you still have the yearning then. Don't say "never" just yet - you need to feel it truly, I think - but Wait.