To ask would you have another baby?

[Mirrorward]

I've had to NC as this with my other threads would give me away. But perhaps it might anyway?

I have two DCs. The first ended up in NICU the second in SCBU.

I had traumatic sections with both of them (separation, back in theatre lots of personal complications)

DC1 almost died from respiratory distress. We were eventually in separate hospitals.

I had gestational diabetes, SPD and obstetric cholestasis for both pregnancies.

I suffered from PND with both. I was super hard on myself re breastfeeding much was down to low supply poorly babies undiagnosed tongue tie.

DH has said j can have another baby. Section would be planned this time. I diet and exercise control my GD. I spent a fortune with a osteopath to keep walking when j has SPD. I will get OC again it's inevitable.

I feel I have one more baby left in me. I have no local support. But eldest DC is now in school. What should I do? AIBU? My mum and Nan both said leave it. It's too risky all of it. For me and baby. I don't know what I can't explain why I want another baby then I know I'm done.

No I wouldn't. I had a terrible birth but it's the pnd that would really stop me. It hasn't fully gone away even 5 years on.

I absolutely would not have another baby! Like you I have 2 dc and no support. If I had a third dc, i could just about cope...but, I don't want to have to 'just about cope'! I want to be able to focus on the two I have and have a slightly easier life!

No. Don't you value your own life and the life you have with your existing children enough to be able to get over the broodiness?

I had a perfectly standard second pregnancy (first was twins and not) and I could do it again in a heartbeat. I long for another baby. But like formerbabe says - I don't want to just about cope.

Sounds like you had some very bad pregnancies/births. The question isn't should you have a third but what if you died having a third?

No. Not with those risks.

You sound like you have made your decision. If you revisit and change your mind, there is a thread about going from 2 to 3 children on mn at the moment. I don't know if I would risk it, if I was in your shoes. Your older two children will need their mother and if childbirth is that risky to your health, I don't think it is worth the risk.

Sorry to ask this but could your dh manage three alone with no support if something happened?

No, I wouldn't. Give what you have in you to the two you have

Also, given what you say, you seem to be hankering after babies.

That's a biological urge, but it's not fair on the growing children you have. Being a parent is about more that snuggling newborns or teaching toddlers. They need you for the long haul - emotionally and physically

I also don't know why adoption has come up

Is it likely to be able to adopt a new-born?

The OP seems to want to have a better newborn experience

Surely adoption is a much more emotionally-complicated thing for the whole family?

I think adoption is a good idea if the OP really wants a third child. If she only wants another for the newborn experience... Well I will quote my late DGM on that:

"You shouldn't have babies just because you like babies, because they aren't babies for very long"

No I wouldn't.

First DD was stillborn at 36 weeks due to IUGR. Second DD was EMCS at 34 weeks following silent placental abruption, consultant praised me for getting to hospital in time, he reckoned she wouldn't have survived another couple of hours. NICU then scbu, I had pnd, DH struggled to help both of us.

After a couple of years, I broached the subject of another baby. DH wasn't keen, thought it was too high risk and was worried about my mental health if anything went wrong again. It wasn't an easy decision, but we agreed we were lucky with our family and it was best to stick with it as is.