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Original poster

DS paying for 1/3 of school trip

28 replies

MemyselfI2 · 13/09/2016 16:55

I posted a previous thread about splitting the cost of extras over and above maintenance payments, background being that my DS has a chance to go on a school trip. In my original I was talking about him going abroad. He has now decided to pick a much cheaper trip because that's what most of his friends are doing and he'll have more opportunities to go abroad in the next two years.

Anyway, I texted my ex telling him the cost of the trip (150) and that a £50 deposit is needed and that I'd send over the info. Didn't outright ask for any money, left it open to see what he came back with.

My DS tells me now that ex has told him we can spilt it three ways and that DS can pay the £50 deposit from his account that ex outs £20 per month pocket money in.

I'm not being unreasonable to say that's a shit thing to do, am I? DS is 11. Ex is about to go on his fifth trip abroad this year and gives me £100 a month for DS (up £35 since April), and pays £25 club fee. He's only gave me money towards one other major trip and then told DS to take spending money out of it!

Would anyone here expect their kid to pay 1/3 of a trip at aged 11?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 13/09/2016 16:57

Why is your ex only paying £100 per month, when he can clearly afford more? Are you going through official channels?

formerbabe · 13/09/2016 16:58

Would anyone here expect their kid to pay 1/3 of a trip at aged 11?

Nope!!

ThisUsernameIsAvailab1e · 13/09/2016 17:00

I'd probably leave an 11 year old out of this completely if at all possible. If
you are struggling to pay, then do tell the school, they can help in these situations.

I'd personally tell my son not to worry about it, I'd tell my ex the same, I'd take him through the proper channels to secure a properly worked out maintenance as well

Original poster
MemyselfI2 · 13/09/2016 17:03

I'm not worried about paying it at all, I wanted DS to go on the more expensive trip and my previous thread said I'd pay it all myself if I had to. But I wanted ex to know I expect him to pay half.

No way do I expect DS to pay for it.

OP posts:
Oblomov16 · 13/09/2016 17:03

Mad. Especially for an 11 year old.

lalalalyra · 13/09/2016 17:12

Nope. Not unless it was an extra trip or something similar (DS1 paid half of a football trip from his savings around that age, but that was because we'd already paid for a school trip and camp with scouts. He knew we couldn't afford another trip).

Do you get maintenance through CSA/CMS? Is he paying the right amount?

Original poster
MemyselfI2 · 13/09/2016 17:21

We've never done it through the CSA. I've used the calculator, but only guessing at salary. Plus he has another NR child he pays for. But he does a lot of OT and lives the life of fucking Riley.

OP posts:
Original poster
MemyselfI2 · 13/09/2016 17:25

I wouldn't put it past him to never let on the money belonged to DS.

OP posts:
wheresthel1ght · 13/09/2016 17:41

It was an option we raised to dp's exw when she demanded we contributed £800 towards a ski jolly next year. There was no way we could afford it on top of everything we already pay for and suggested the best we could manage would be 1/3 of the final £1600 cost and that she would need to meet 1/3 and the rest come from DS's savings. Even that would have been a massive stretch and stopped all days out, presents for the year for all 3 kids as well as no holidays for anyone. Exw was initially ok with it and then changed her mind and demanded we paid the £800.

Unfortunately we had to tell Dss that he couldn't go on the trip as we simply couldn't afford it.

WankingMonkey · 13/09/2016 17:43

When I was 13, we went on a school trip to France and I had to pay for it myself out of a savings account. 13 is a bit different to 11 though :S

Original poster
MemyselfI2 · 13/09/2016 17:50

For something so expensive, and if it's the only way your DC can go, okay maybe. But it's £150, £75 each.

He's telling me he thinks it perfectly fair and that we can split the rest and spending money. I think DS should save up future pocket money towards spending money, no problem. That helps make sure he behaves and earns his pocket money between now and then. But not take money from what he's already saved for the sake of saving us £25 each! And not when all he got from his dad for a holiday this year was an overnight trip to a theme park, when dads going abroad every other month.

OP posts:
TheHobbitMum · 13/09/2016 17:55

That's a crappy thing to do! That isn't a great deal of money either for a school trip! Can you go through CMS it seems you ex should be paying more. My DD had a school trip as part of her birthday presents as it's the 2nd foreign trip in the school year (she still had plenty for birthday ;) ) and each trip is £800! Your ex is being extremely tight!

wheresthel1ght · 13/09/2016 17:56

You are sounding jealous and resentful of your ex's trips abroad.

He may have a genuine reason for suggesting it. Is the strip educational in its basis or is it a holiday?

wheresthel1ght · 13/09/2016 17:57

Is this trip

Sorry battling a toddler

Katedotness1963 · 13/09/2016 17:59

No, I would not expect my child to have to stump up for their school trip. I'd go without something myself to make sure they could go, especially for an 11 year old.

Original poster
MemyselfI2 · 13/09/2016 18:00

I am resentful! Have you read what he pays towards DS? He hasn't so much as bought him a new pencil for starting school, never mind any uniform. He's never paid a penny towards childcare and DS has just told me he was saving that pocket money towards stuff for their new house when they move, like a bloody light and desk for his room!

OP posts:
DivorceBadger · 13/09/2016 18:01

Of course not. I assumed this was would be about a teenager

Original poster
MemyselfI2 · 13/09/2016 18:01

One day is a fun day and the other two are kind of educational, science and history throw stuff.

OP posts:
wheresthel1ght · 13/09/2016 18:12

Yes I have read what he pays but if that is all his earnings mean he has to pay then there isn't much you can do.

If he is a higher earner then you need to sort things officially through the cms.

madgingermunchkin · 13/09/2016 18:30

Why on earth aren't you going through CSM?!

Get it sorted.

ImperialBlether · 13/09/2016 21:42

I agree - go through the official channels.

Hockeydude · 13/09/2016 21:52

Yes it's a shit thing to do.

Next time, ask him to go halves with you, don't just see what he comes back with though because clearly he will try and wriggle out of anything.

Original poster
MemyselfI2 · 13/09/2016 22:01

I don't go through CMS because other than the issue of money, we get along for the most part. Also because I don't think he's a high earner, but he hammers the OT. But that's clearly for his benefit not his DC. He's saving for a wedding and to buy a house and I reckon once that's all sorted and all his holidays out the way, he'll reduce the OT. If I claimed him now though CMS, I don't think I'd have much chance of getting anything extra from him for trips etc. I suspect he'd pay bare minimum and not a penny more. Without knowing his actual salary, I don't think it's worth the aggravation. DS stays there roughly ten night per month too, so he probably is paying me roughly the "right" amount anyway. But when I know I've spent £500 on uniform, childcare, clothes, haircuts and club fees over the last 6 weeks before even buying DS a thing to eat, washing his clothes or running him a bath, and he's hasn't so much as bought uniform for the two nights DS stays there, I do get pissed off. However, I know I could be much worse off in all aspects.

This really wound me up though, so I've told him it's not on for DS to pay for the trip and he has agreed to have him save his future pocket money towards spending money instead. He's given me a lengthy explanation about how he's trying to teach him responsibility and the value of money etc, as he says no one taught him and that he's not trying to be unfair to DS. No one taught him the cost of raising a kid either, mind you, so I'll reserve judgment on his reasoning. DS has never been one for asking for much. He desperately needs new trainers this week, but he keeps telling me he doesn't!

Anyway, thanks for the replies.

OP posts:
madgingermunchkin · 13/09/2016 22:24

What he spends his money on is not your problem. What happens if one day the money just stops. What would you do then?

It doesn't matter if this is the only issue, it is an issue. And he's getting away with it. You have no idea how much money he earns. So get the CSM involved and get it sorted. He could be royally fucking you over for all you know. If he can afford to have a foreign jaunt, save for a wedding and buy a house, he can bloody well chip in a decent amount of money for his child.

greenfolder · 13/09/2016 22:25

He sounds like an absolute cock. On the positive side your son will realise this for himself and your ex will be chucking his relationship with his child away for buttons. My best mates dd has recently watched her dad go away on holiday abroad multiple times but required her to cough up £100 towards a caravan holiday in the UK. She didn't go and has just added it to the "my dad knows the price of everything and value of nothing " folder.

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