Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To want him to say thanks?

84 replies

Lizkmg · 13/09/2016 10:50

OH went away on a stag all weekend, I stayed at home with our 6 month old baby. His Mum was away as well leaving me to feed her cats and clean her 6 (yes six!) litter trays. The cat thing wasn't his fault, his mum just went and expected us to do it, but still, they're not my cats.

Anyway since He came home on Sunday he hasn't said thanks. I don't want a big fuss, just a quick thank you for looking after the baby and cats all weekend.

I feel like because at the moment he earns and I don't he doesn't need to thank me.

OP posts:

Lapinlapin · 13/09/2016 13:33

I find mumsnet weird sometimes. On other posts people make a huge thing out of having equal free time / down time /nights off a week and yet here there is a poster who has not had a break all weekend and so presumably it will now be next weekend before she does. She isn't complaining but would just like a simple acknowledgement and lots of people are saying she's totally unreasonable

Original poster

Lizkmg · 13/09/2016 13:51

It's good to hear both sides, those who agree with me obviously I love hearing what you have to say

Those who think my OH hasn't done anything wrong help too because that's clearly how he sees it, and he's not alone, therefore not being an arsehole. We are just different. I have been invited out in a couple of weeks on a Friday night. It'll be my first night out (OH has wet the babies head on roughly 8 nights out) since she was born, so perhaps the experience he will have that night will make him see it differently. If not then fine, I can live without the thanks.

I'm not used to posting from the phone so don't think my replies are clear in who they are to. To the person who asked about baby groups, I intend to search for some starting next week, most of my friends are still in work full time so I do need a new circle.

OP posts:

SlightlyperturbedOwl · 13/09/2016 13:57

It's just nice to show appreciation when one of you has contributed above 'their share' of the shared roles. The cats though, I would have zoomed off with DC to distant family for the weekend with a 'sorry I'm away'

Zippidydoodah · 13/09/2016 18:22

Night wakings are horrendous, I agree. Two out of my three were awful sleepers. But six month olds aren't as difficult as toddlers/theeenagers/ my six year old Whatever though.

Zippidydoodah · 13/09/2016 18:26

My dp doesn't particularly thank me for being on my own all the fucking time with my three, but usually he's working (very hard to pay our bills) and I don't begrudge him the odd night out with friends to unwind. we both know how hard the other works to keep the family afloat and it's an unspoken thing usually. We tell each other we love each other multiple times a day, though, and every now and then (when things are particularly tough) we acknowledge this to one another.

Zippidydoodah · 13/09/2016 18:28

Many people on mumsnet seem very lucky to have equal free/down time etc. Yes, I said and meant lucky. Not many people in my real life are as lucky. Often one works all hours and the other does 24/7 childcare. It's just the way it is.

Hermanfromguesswho · 13/09/2016 18:35

Of course he should acknowledge that you've taken over his share of parenting plus his share of house chores for the whole weekend. It was nice of you to do so and he should say thank you.
If anyone took on my responsibilities for a couple of days then I would thank them also!

DeadGood · 13/09/2016 18:37

OP, YANBU.

Zippidy, I feel sorry for you and I don't think you should be insisting that everyone else has it as crap as you do.

Hidingtonothing · 13/09/2016 18:42

My DH will say thanks and try to give me a break with DD and often bring me a present when he's been working away all week let alone out having fun! I like to think we both show appreciation for the things we do for each other and for our family. Not everyone thinks that way though so I would try and let him know you feel a bit taken for granted OP, you don't have to make a huge issue out of it but if he doesn't know you feel that way he won't know he needs to show a bit of appreciation next time.

Zippidydoodah · 13/09/2016 18:44

Dorothy- I think 6 month old TWINS might be a bit difficult!!

Dead- no need to feel sorry for me! I made my choices and most of the time I'm fine with that. But thanks though.

dowhatnow · 13/09/2016 18:49

I don't think he needs to say thanks explicitly but I do think he should be telling you that you deserve the same. I hope he is enthusiastic about your future nights out and that he has made it known that he will be happy to reciprocate when you go away for a weekend when you want to.

DoinItFine · 13/09/2016 19:03

Nasty, stupid responses on this thread from the "shutband know your place, woman" dicks that inhabit AIBU.

Of course you shoukd exoect thanks for facilitating the father of a baby to leave the baby for an entire weekend.

He couldn't have gone on the stag weekend if you hadn't covered his share this weekend.

As for his mother's cats??

First of all, you shouldn't have done.

Silly bitch.

Never allow her to treat you like that again.

Second of all, her son should be incredibly sorry that his nasty mother made your life so unpleasant while he was off having fun.

You deserve an apology as well as thanks from him for that.

Zippidydoodah · 13/09/2016 19:23

Fucking hell, Doin! Don't mince your words!! Are you actually calling the op a "silly bitch" for looking after the cats?!

Original poster

Lizkmg · 13/09/2016 19:31

I didn't read it that way

OP posts:

DoinItFine · 13/09/2016 19:32

No, I'm calling her partner's motger a silly bitch for not arranging anyone to look after her cats.

Zippidydoodah · 13/09/2016 19:35

Oh!

Sorry. I'm utterly exhausted from looking after my 3 kids on my own for the best part of two weeks it's hard but I really have no choice!

Canyouforgiveher · 13/09/2016 19:42

So if I go off for a lovely weekend with my friends and my husband stays home does 24/7 minding the baby and also helps out my mother, it shouldn't cross my mind to say thank you? Because he is only minding his own child and I didn't ask him to mind the cats, did I?

I sometimes wonder do many posters here actually like their spouses?

I'd say thank you to someone holding the door open for me, why wouldn't I say thank you to my husband for doing all the household stuff/ childminding for a weekend?

Or do you all believe that minding a 6 month old for an entire weekend is a pure joy, comparable to any weekend away having fun?

DoinItFine · 13/09/2016 20:01

I sometimes wonder do many posters here actually like their spouses?

Me too.

Kindness and gratitude really help with being happily married.

INXS · 13/09/2016 20:16

"I'd say thank you to someone holding the door open for me, why wouldn't I say thank you to my husband for doing all the household stuff/ childminding for a weekend? "

Totally!

Chopstick17 · 13/09/2016 21:16

I would say a thanks from MIL. I would expect him to ask you how your weekend went and maybe cook for you or give you a night off childcare, run you a bath maybe. That's just what my DH would do, not necessarily a thank you. I presume he's happy for you to have a weekend away too?

LineyReborn · 13/09/2016 21:25

Yes I would appreciate a thank you from both of them for holding the fort while they had time out .

Cubtrouble · 13/09/2016 21:26

The only thing unreasonable here is that anyone finds it necessary to own 6 cats.

Eeew

You deserve a thank you

Hateloggingin · 13/09/2016 21:34

Yanbu, it would be polite for him to thank you as you enabled him to go away doing something he wanted. Not sure what all the yabus are about.

Hateloggingin · 13/09/2016 21:35

Cub - I have 10 :D

Original poster

Lizkmg · 13/09/2016 23:58

Thanks all. I thought a thanks or acknowledgement would have been nice. Oh well, at least when I finally do get a night out it will be 100% guilt free!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4