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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome my cats?

129 replies

billyholiday · 12/09/2016 22:41

I've had them for 6 months and due to unforeseen circumstances I can't afford to keep them any longer. I love them and believe me it will hurt a lot to see them go but I'm struggling to find any other option. One of them was ill over the weekend (she's fine now) and it made me realise that if something went wrong and one of them needed expensive vet treatments etc then I won't be able to afford it. It's making me miserable.

AIBU to rehome them before I get even more attached?

OP posts:
Idratherbeaunicorn · 13/09/2016 11:40

We have two rescue cats - taking them on was something we thought long and hard about, and I cannot imagine getting rid of them, however, you need to do what is best for you and the cats - if you cannot realistically provide them with a suitable home, then you should look to rehome them. If you cannot afford treatments, food etc then you should rehome them. Unfortunately love isn't enough to keep them fed and in good health (how lovely it would be if it was!!)
I hope you're OK OP, it must be a very difficult choice to have to make.

39up · 13/09/2016 11:41

Bountybarsyuk - yes! That!

People are saying things like "unless you die, there is no excuse".

Life happens. I had to foster my cats for six months because of an unexpected house move. How the hell was I meant to know when I got them that in ten years time my DH would lose his job and the only replacement he could get would be in another city? A friend of mine had to rehome her cats because her daughter was born with massive health issues and they needed to keep the house sterile.

Life happens. All you can promise your pets is that you will do your best.

LyndaNotLinda · 13/09/2016 11:43

It is foolhardy to get cats without being able to afford the first year's insurance/shots etc first.

And they might have been in a cardboard box. Equally, they may have been in a loving home where people had a bit more foresight.

There are some circumstances where rehoming pets is acceptable - realising six months' in that they might be a bit expensive is not one of them.

Please don't get any more pets OP.

CatNip2 · 13/09/2016 11:46

Adult cats can be rehomed. I have taken several recue adults. My most favourite, adored, loved cat was given a pampered home by our family aged 10, he lived another 14 years, and sadly died this year, of age related illness. He settled fully within a month and was the most faithful companion ever.

If you are going to rehome, make sure you do it responsibly and don't get anymore animals, it isn't fair.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 13/09/2016 11:47

I think you've had some harsh replies.
We really don't know what "unforeseen circumstances" mean - it could simply be "they're not as cute and fluffy, and I've realised they need work and money" like so many others who rehome at this age, or OP could have had a complete change of circumstances, etc.
Though others have a point re commitment, and the cats being less likely to find homes now they're not tiny.

However if you're really going to struggle to provide for them, it may be better to think of rehoming while they're still kittens rather than carry on through a sense of duty.

If you're unsure, there are lots of ways to make it work. As others have said there are cheaper options available for insurance, food etc. Many vets will do a health care plan for ~£10 per month that covers vaccines, fleas and wormer.

If you do decide to rehome them, perhaps have a word with your vet? Our practice often sends messages round re animals who need new homes, for various reasons - very often a staff member knows someone who can give them a good home.

Blueskyrain · 13/09/2016 11:51

There are exceptional circumstances, but people are too quick to give them up for adoption. I hope people don't take the same attitude with their children.

If you move house, you make sure its somewhere you can take your pets. You lose your job - until you get a new one you tighten the belt and if needs be cut back yourself to afford to pets. Lifetime commitment means just that, not lifetime as long as nothing changes.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/09/2016 11:55

What a load of sanctimonious old clap trap Blueskyrain

Bountybarsyuk · 13/09/2016 11:56

If you move house, you make sure its somewhere you can take your pets You cannot have cats/dogs in most of the rental sector. It's not just a question of holding out for it, most landlords won't let you. It's very lucky if you can. We can't, and haven't been able to in any of our rental properties in the past ten years. There's a shortage of places and so they set harsh terms (no benefits, no cats/dogs, children usually allowed if family home).

BertrandRussell · 13/09/2016 11:57

"If you move house, you make sure its somewhere you can take your pets. You lose your job - until you get a new one you tighten the belt and if needs be cut back yourself to afford to pets. Lifetime commitment means just that, not lifetime as long as nothing changes."

There speaks someone with limited life experience.

Blueskyrain · 13/09/2016 12:00

I moved with a cat. It was fine.
Pets are a lifetime commitment.If you had someone saying they wanted rid of their kids because their circumstances changed there would be complete outrage. Whilst kids are a but different, pets are a lifetime commitment.

I have plans in place should my husband and I die, for our two cats. When we bought our house, we specifically excluded some areas as too dangerous for a cat.

Whilst peoples lives don't revolve around their pets, a commitment is a commitment, not just when its easy.

allthecarbs · 13/09/2016 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BertrandRussell · 13/09/2016 12:03

"I moved with a cat. It was fine."

Well, lucky old you.

Should the lady we got out dog from have carried on with both her and the dog being stressed and miserable because "a pet is a lifetime commitment"?

Blueskyrain · 13/09/2016 12:03

I've changed jobs with cats. I've moved house with cats. I've rented and moved to a new rented place with cats. I've moved cities with cats. I'm not the example you gave of a retired old woman where nothing changes in her life. I'm in busy woman in my 30s, like many people on here.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/09/2016 12:03

'Limited life experience' sums it up nicely.

allthecarbs · 13/09/2016 12:04

I'm glad you've managed to keep your cat blue but it's not always so easy. As a PP said a lot of rentals won't take pets. We were lucky and had to pay an extra £200 deposit to have ours in the home.
There have been times in my life where it was impossible for me to keep my cat though. I didn't have the money and circumstances were tough. Again, I was lucky that I knew someone kind enough to foster him for a year while I got sorted out.
Not everyone has that.

Blueskyrain · 13/09/2016 12:06

Bert and Russell, maybe they should have persevered more first. If it was a sibling that was playing up on a new baby, you'd give it whatever time it needed to calm the situation, adoption of the older sibling would be abhorrent. So why is it something people jump to so quickly with pets.

I'm not saying it never becomes an option, but that it should be a real, real, last resort, when there are no other viable options.

Blueskyrain · 13/09/2016 12:08

And what exactly makes you the Oracle on all of this Drama Queen?
How dare you say my life experiences are limited just because I don't treat pets like disposable commodities.

JacquesHammer · 13/09/2016 12:08

do your best for it

Yes - and as a responsible pet owner you could just consider that in certain circumstances that is rehoming the animal.

If you move house, you make sure its somewhere you can take your pets

Nonsense. Life doesn't always fit into neat little tick boxes.

My best friend had to rehome her beloved cats. Her marriage broke down and for her safety she had to get out fast. She transferred within her company to a job that came with a flat. Sadly the flat was pet free and they wouldn't negotiate on that.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/09/2016 12:10

My mum tried to rent before she bought a place,even after offering an extra deposit of £1k in case of damage caused by her cats she still couldn't find anywhere.

Glad you were able to Blueskyrain but obviously areas differ to what they will accept.

allthecarbs · 13/09/2016 12:13

If it was a sibling that was playing up on a new baby, you'd give it whatever time it needed to calm the situation, adoption of the older sibling would be abhorrent. So why is it something people jump to so quickly with pets

Because putting a child up for adoption is a whole lot harder than finding a new home for a cat. You know that. Don't be stupid.

I'm not saying I dint agree with you that people should be committed to their pets but life isn't always so easy for everyone.

BertrandRussell · 13/09/2016 12:17

So the family and the dog should have carried on being miserable for longer. Even though the dog was visibly more relaxed after a day with us.

Why, exactly?

Blueskyrain · 13/09/2016 12:22

It's not about life being easy, it's about persevering for those that you've made a commitment to. My life hasn't been easy, and pet ownership hasn't always been convenient. If there are short term difficulties, there are fostering services available, and although some rented place won't take pets, many will. Or worst comes to worst, you sneak them in rather than give them up.

I'm aware many people disagree with me, that's OK. To those, that's OK. I'll be the crazy cat lady, and to me, you are someone that doesn't take commitment seriously enough. No one is going to change anyone's mind here.

BertrandRussell · 13/09/2016 12:24

Could you answer my point of 12.17 please?

LunaLoveg00d · 13/09/2016 12:26

Cat food is not expensive really, you made a commitment and need to get on with it.

OP didn't say she couldn't afford to feed cats. She said she had realised that due to unforeseen circumstances, she knows she can't pay expensive vet bills.

Yes it's all very well for the animal lovers to bang on about cats being for life and committment etc etc etc but OP's wellbeing comes first. If she feels that for whatever reason she can't continue to care for the cats the responsible thing is to hand them to someone else, it's not to soldier on and get into the situation with a sick cat you can't afford to treat.

LunaLoveg00d · 13/09/2016 12:29

If it was a sibling that was playing up on a new baby, you'd give it whatever time it needed to calm the situation, adoption of the older sibling would be abhorrent. So why is it something people jump to so quickly with pets

I cannot believe anyone is so obtuse as to even put this forward as a valid argument.

A baby is a PERSON.
A pet is an ANIMAL.

People are more important than animals, and their needs come first.

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