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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be suddenly broody at 39?

89 replies

broodymare · 12/09/2016 20:46

We have one DD aged 7. At that time DH was still studying, we had financial issues and having one child seemed to fulfil our desire to be parents. We had no particular desire to have more and then the window seemed to pass. We drew a line under it and were completely fine with that.

Just recently I am having major doubts. I feel very bad that I haven't given DD any siblings as both DH and I are very involved with our own families. We are in a much better situation now financially and could easily afford another child (we would have been extremely stretched 3 or 4 years ago).

AIBU to be ridiculously broody and to just go for it? I'm aware my fertile window is getting smaller with the years and that this could be the last chance we have. Would I be mad to go back to the square one of sleepless nights and nappies? Has this happened to anyone else and did you get over it or go for it?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/09/2016 21:05

Don't do it.

I always resent the 8 year gap between me and DB.

Ledehe · 12/09/2016 21:08

I have a 9 year gap, both girls. Currently 10 and 1. They both love each other dearly even if they won't be playmates. My oldest can keep an eye on the baby while I nip to the loo etc and has been a great help. I had my oldest at 20 and had no desire for another baby.....then she turned 8 and I was broody. Hope it doesn't happen again in another 8 years!

But go for it. 2nd baby is so much easier cos you know what you're doing. Although a tiny toddling total and a hormonal pre teen is a bit difficult!

Original poster
broodymare · 12/09/2016 21:11

Thank you, it seems lots of people have done it and are positive about it though I take the point that the age gap can be difficult. I have also clearly completely forgotten the reality if life with a small baby, its a hazy memory now. Also not sure how easily I would conceive now, it was very easy 7/8 years ago but the online statistics for age 39 are a bit grim.

OP posts:
TwoLittleBlooms · 12/09/2016 21:11

Oh and I initially wanted the second one as I felt bad that the eldest had no siblings. It was hard for the eldest at first (in a 3 month window she started high school, started her periods and had a baby sister (who had feeding issues so was constantly back and forth to hospital) but by gosh they are amazing together now! (Little one is almost two and they absolutely adore each other).

PepsiPenguin · 12/09/2016 21:13

9 year age gap between me and my brother, and we really are very close.

He was a bit of a pain when I was 15, he used to "steal" things...

Original poster
broodymare · 12/09/2016 21:13

Twolittleblooms I'm so glad its worked out well for you and its heartening that you can relate to the feeling of wanting to give them a sibling. I keep feeling like I have let her down in some way.

OP posts:
BabooshkaKate · 12/09/2016 21:15

ThroughThickAndThin01

Don't do it.

I always resent the 8 year gap between me and DB.

Why? Hmm

TheMasterMurderedMargarita · 12/09/2016 21:15

I'm 39. I have a 9 year old and a 2 week old.
We settled with our first until I got to 37 then I got very broody. DH is a fair bit older than me and he didn't want any more and although I was sad it was OK.
I got pregnant last year as contraception failed but i miscarried which was awful. However when we initially found out we were both really happy so we tried again and I found out I was pregnant on Christmas eve.
I'm at this minute feeding that baby Smile.
DH is over the moon, my 9 year old is delighted to have a sibling and I'm shattered from feeding every 2 hours or so but it's awesome!

CannotEvenDeal · 12/09/2016 21:16

Dh and I both have one sibling with a large gap and our boy is 12 and we're trying for another. I'm sure big believer in what will be, will let be. As a pp said, if you're both on board then why not Grin

whattaway · 12/09/2016 21:16

No you're not. Buy I'm 39 with a 1 yo and 6 yo and I'm constantly fucking knackered. I can't wait for the 1 yo to be a bit older.

MermaidTears · 12/09/2016 21:17

Do it

Original poster
broodymare · 12/09/2016 21:17

Congratulations themastermurderedmargarita I'm so glad you have this happy outcome. I fear I've forgotten what two hourly feeds are like but I know from before that they were worth it.

OP posts:
TheMasterMurderedMargarita · 12/09/2016 21:18

And I seem to be much more relaxed this time be it due to my age or the fact it's the second so baby is pretty chilled out too.

Original poster
broodymare · 12/09/2016 21:19

I need to sit DH down for a long talk. I'm not sure if he will take the plunge and go for this. There's no going back if it works, is there? There's also the issue of screening and the fact that risks of a problem are greater at this age. It is something that worries me more than it did the first time around.

OP posts:
Laineymc7 · 12/09/2016 21:20

If you really want another baby go for it. There was a 7 year gap between me and my brother. We are very close and do lots of stuff together. I remember helping dress him and trying to feed him when he was younger. It's lovely having those memories.

Bountybarsyuk · 12/09/2016 21:22

I had this broodiness at exactly this time, over a third child, having not had it for years. It was terrible, I really felt like I was in last chance saloon. I didn't go for it, and a few years into my forties, I'm really glad I didn't! It worked out for us to stick with the family we had, have older children, I wouldn't want to have a 5 year old now. It's different for everyone, but I just wanted to say it's normal to have these feelings at this time, as you see the fertility window shutting.

Original poster
broodymare · 12/09/2016 21:23

Thanks bounty its good to hear you can relate and also that you decided not to act on the broodiness.

OP posts:
TheMasterMurderedMargarita · 12/09/2016 21:26

Thank you broodymare.
I was concerned about the risks also but it was never once mentioned by any of my midwives (I saw a lot for various reasons). I actually had a GP appointment for something else and she was very positive about it saying that 39 was not over the hill and her last practise first time mums were generally all late 30s early 40s.
And I totally get what other posters are saying about difficulties with the age gap but you have problems with small age gaps too..just different ones!

hippydippybaloney · 12/09/2016 21:30

Well my second youngest is 7 and the others are older, one in high school and one not far off and they don't resent the one year old for a SECOND. They worship him, and think he's the best thing that ever happened to them. They love playing with him, even if they have somewhat different interests.

It is so much easier juggling just one young one when the rest are pretty independent. I make a point of never putting upon them where the baby is concerned, but they gladly help out and offer all the time.

Fairylea · 12/09/2016 21:31

I had ds ten years after dd. I don't agree that the age gap means they aren't close - dd and ds are very close and love to play / mess about together. Dd is now 13 and ds is 4. Things didn't go exactly to plan because ds has severe autism and learning difficulties which means I haven't been able to return to work and obviously our lives have all changed so much but even saying that ds has completed our family. He brings so much fun and joy and love to us all. Dd adores him.

altiara · 12/09/2016 21:40

One of my best friends and her sister both have 8 year gaps with their 2 DCs. It's a different relationship for the siblings but its an equally exciting one for DD to have a baby in the family!

Plus if you think about it, if this was number 3, you may be having this gap between oldest and youngest and your children would still have to play/get along with each other.

I have a 3 year gap with mine and DD used to mother DS until he could walk and he felt they were equals, whereas DD felt she was my equal and he was our baby Grin they didn't get on then! We do have a new baby cousin in the family and now DS wants me to have a baby. I got a puppy instead Grin

You just need to do what's right for you and DH - good luck Smile (don't rule out puppies either! They look adoringly at you and can help kondo your house by chewing up plastic tat)

StMary · 12/09/2016 21:45

Do you know what? Possibly the thing that gives me most pleasure in life is watching/listening to my two playing, laughing, talking, cuddling, giggling, helping, and loving each other. Seriously, it's amazing.

And I know sisters who are 7 years apart who are really close.

Go for it.

nursepearl · 13/09/2016 01:41

My 2 are 6 years apart and its never been an issue. Plus I think age gaps don't matter when siblings are adults.

KittensWithWeapons · 13/09/2016 02:02

If you and your DH both want another child, then go for it! My sisters are 8 years apart in age, and while they didn't play together as children, they are extremely close as adults. They have an amazing friendship.

I can completely sympathise with the broodiness. DP and I spent years ttc, I had 5 MCs, and then we decided that we needed a break from it. We were extremely happy just the two of us. Until my sister had her baby. Spending time with my beautiful nephew has made me unspeakably, ridiculously broody. It's all I can think about. I spent hours crying today because I'm missing out on the wonderful experience of having a scrumptious little newborn.

So if you both want another, do it!

Topseyt · 13/09/2016 02:29

There are 7 years between my DD1 and DD3. They are very close.

DD2 is more the one on her own and is the middle child.

Bigger age gaps don't always detract. If you both want it then go for it.

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