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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have got out of this taxi?

73 replies

Rufen · 12/09/2016 15:09

Hello everyone,

I'm only young, 19, and with no desire to have children, but I'm a long time lurker as I'm a feminist and love this site for being a safe space for women. I've always been content with lurking but today something happened that made me think I should ask for your thoughts.

I'm a student, and I usually get the tram home after class, however today there was an issue at one of the stations, meaning I had to get a cab home instead. So I get in one and tell the driver to take me to the station I'd usually get off at, where I was meeting my dad. After some dithering and being asked if I had any money (which felt a little uncalled for), he started driving and then asked me where I was going afterwards. I replied 'home'. He then asked me 'where is home?', to which I asked 'why?'. He didn't seem to have an answer to that and I was incredibly uncomfortable, and told him to let me out of the car because of this, which he did. He didn't apologise or give my discomfort much acknowledgement.

My mum says it was just conversation but I felt so uncomfortable being asked for information like that when I only asked to be taken to the station. Something just told me to get out of there so I did. It really shook me, even if in writing it doesn't seem so bad. Perhaps he was asking where I was going on the tram? But I just panicked and didn't want to be in a confined space with him on my own.

So WIBU to have got upset over this and asked him to let me out? I need to know if I was exaggerating or not!

OP posts:
littleducks · 12/09/2016 15:12

Maybe it was just conversation but you have to listen to your instincts and if you are feeling unsafe then you were sensible you get out

JellyBelli · 12/09/2016 15:15

No thats not just conversation, report him to the cab company.

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 12/09/2016 15:15

It may have been innocuous. But you should trust your instincts nonetheless.

Queenbean · 12/09/2016 15:17

That sounds like normal conversation but I agree to trusting your instincts by getting out

I don't think it's necessary to make a complaint to the cab company though - he didn't actually do anything wrong

Amandahugandkisses · 12/09/2016 15:18

Good for trusting your instincts

JellyBelli · 12/09/2016 15:20

Theres a list somewhere of 'normal bounds' for workmen who are in your home. They include not asking personal questions, too many questions, or questions unrelated to the task they are paid for,

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 12/09/2016 15:24

Always trust your instincts. There are some times that your instincts may be wrong - there could be a bewildered taxi driver moaning about you right now - but that's not your problem. He didn't need to know where you lived, so you were right not to tell him.

Birdsgottafly · 12/09/2016 15:24

It's normal to check if someone does have the money to pay, if a taxi driver has doubts (four taxi drivers in the family).

You were there, you went with your instincts.

However, I've always been asked where I'm going, when I've been dropped at a station. That's what might have prompted the question.

If I have someone directions to a station whilst on the bus (which has happened a few times, or someone has a suitcase), I'll ask where they're off to.

I like a taxi driver whose chatty and he may have been trying to difuse the awkwardness over asking if you have the money.

acasualobserver · 12/09/2016 15:30

You made a judgement call. Thankfully you'll never know if it was justified. And not being afraid to exercise your judgement is a positive thing I think - good for you.

TwentyCups · 12/09/2016 15:34

Since you were going to the station he might have been expecting you to have said "Liverpool" fir example, as though you were taking a train home.

However, trust your instincts. If it made you uncomfortable there is probably a reason. Better safe than sorry.

KurriKurri · 12/09/2016 15:34

Always have the courage to go with your gut feeling - well done for doing that, it's how you keep safe. Doesn't matter if it was just conversation - it made you uncomfortable and you did the right thing.

Have you read The Gift of Fear ? - it's got some good ideas about trusting your instincts and why they are usually right.

KurriKurri · 12/09/2016 15:36

The Gift of Fear

chickenowner · 12/09/2016 15:37

I completely agree about trusting your instincts. I have been in a similar situation before, felt unsure, left and then found out some very unpleasant things about the individual later on!

sonlypuppyfat · 12/09/2016 15:38

Well I'd just call it normal bloke chat up lines, I used to work in a city centre shop and I used to get it all the time. But if you're not comfortable you did the right thing

Mycraneisfixed · 12/09/2016 15:39

First thought was same as others. "Trust your instincts." He was probably just being chatty but you had the courage to make a decision to get out.

Owllady · 12/09/2016 15:41

You must trust your instincts

harderandharder2breathe · 12/09/2016 15:42

Chances are you over reacted and he was just making conversation. I inly really get taxis to and from train stations and always get asked where I'm going. Especially if you don't have a local accent it might be assumed "home" is another town.

But no harm done by following your instincts. In future can you use a reputable taxi company so you have more trust than a random cab?

britbat23 · 12/09/2016 15:47

Poor guy. He was making conversation.

"Where is home" means "whereabouts in the country", not "what is your address so I can stalk you".

It's not uncalled for, for a taxi driver to ask a passenger whether they have the fare (they may need to make a stop at a cash machine if not).

You point out that you are young. You need some more experience in making small talk. And to stop assuming that every man is a rapist.

lionheart · 12/09/2016 15:59

The Op does not assume 'every man is a rapist', or indeed, that this one would be. She felt uncomfortable and trusted her instincts.

Good for you, OP.

Original poster
Rufen · 12/09/2016 16:01

Thank you for your replies and support.

I can see looking back on it that he may have been trying to make conversation with me, but that's in hindsight. At the time I did feel unsettled, I just didn't know if it was justified. To clarify though it was a tram station, not a train station, and the trams only really go around Manchester, so I didn't know how to elaborate on where home was because it was in the name of the station. I very very rarely get cabs to stations and it was a black cab, which I trusted.

Kurri - I haven't read that book but I'll certainly do so! It sounds like an interesting read.

britbat - Who said I assumed all men are rapists? Many key figures in my life are men and I firmly believe in seeing the best in people. I'm very sorry I acted on my instincts because that aparently makes me fearful of men. I was happy to accept your viewpoint until you came out with that.

OP posts:
Daisygarden · 12/09/2016 16:06

britbat most taxi drivers with a bit of common sense would steer clear of asking "where is home" of a young single female, especially when she could have offered that information. The fact she said "home" suggested she didn't want to give a location.

OP always listen to your instincts.

Meadows76 · 12/09/2016 16:09

He was taking you to a station. 100% this driver was asking where home was because he was trying to get the onward journey from you.

AlpacaPicnic · 12/09/2016 16:20

Well, I'd rather appear a little bit rude to a total stranger that be a victim of a crime through being polite. You did the right thing OP. Our instincts are honed to keep us safe, sometimes they may be overeager to do so but did anyone ever suffer from being too cautious?

britbat23 · 12/09/2016 16:23

Next time it would be a good idea to make a record of his registration and badge number so that you can report him to the council as predatory cab drivers should not keep their licences!

Meadows76 · 12/09/2016 16:25

Next time it would be a good idea to make a record of his registration and badge number so that you can report him to the council as predatory cab drivers should not keep their licences! predatory?? Come on. The guy was asking where home was because he was trying to get a bigger fare out of the OP by taking her home rather than just to the station.

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