Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To have got out of this taxi?

73 replies

Rufen · 12/09/2016 15:09

Hello everyone,

I'm only young, 19, and with no desire to have children, but I'm a long time lurker as I'm a feminist and love this site for being a safe space for women. I've always been content with lurking but today something happened that made me think I should ask for your thoughts.

I'm a student, and I usually get the tram home after class, however today there was an issue at one of the stations, meaning I had to get a cab home instead. So I get in one and tell the driver to take me to the station I'd usually get off at, where I was meeting my dad. After some dithering and being asked if I had any money (which felt a little uncalled for), he started driving and then asked me where I was going afterwards. I replied 'home'. He then asked me 'where is home?', to which I asked 'why?'. He didn't seem to have an answer to that and I was incredibly uncomfortable, and told him to let me out of the car because of this, which he did. He didn't apologise or give my discomfort much acknowledgement.

My mum says it was just conversation but I felt so uncomfortable being asked for information like that when I only asked to be taken to the station. Something just told me to get out of there so I did. It really shook me, even if in writing it doesn't seem so bad. Perhaps he was asking where I was going on the tram? But I just panicked and didn't want to be in a confined space with him on my own.

So WIBU to have got upset over this and asked him to let me out? I need to know if I was exaggerating or not!

OP posts:

Quimby · 12/09/2016 16:26

Never unjustified to get out of a taxi if you feel uncomfortable even though I'd think that's a complete over reaction. It's your decision after all.

Don't see anything wrong with what the taxi driver said, but you don't really have to justify yourself or your feelings to anyone else, once you paid for the portion of the journey undertaken then it's a bit of a non issue.

britbat23 · 12/09/2016 16:26

Well yes but OP felt threatened by him... then did nothing to prevent future young female fares from also being threatened :-/

gobbynorthernbird · 12/09/2016 16:28

The trams go all over Manchester. You could be going to Altrincham, Bury, Rochdale, etc. I'm not saying your instincts were wrong, but it's a fairly standard question.

Littletabbyocelot · 12/09/2016 16:31

Well done for having the confidence to listen to your instincts. It was probably just normal driver chatter but you shouldn't suppress your feelings to be polite. 1) it made you uncomfortable which is reason enough on its own and 2) better to offend 1000 'just chatty' men than ignore your intuition the one time it really is scary

NerrSnerr · 12/09/2016 16:31

It just sounds like small talk. He didn't ask for street address, I bet he was just expecting you to say an area.

RiverTam · 12/09/2016 16:37

Can I just say good for you for getting out? At that age and for a long time after I would never gave done that, I would have just day there feeling more and more uncomfortable. I would not have had the confidence to walk away.

RiverTam · 12/09/2016 16:37

Just sat

SoupDragon · 12/09/2016 16:38

I think it was just conversation/small talk but I don't think it is ever the wrong thing to do to trust your instincts if you are feeling uncomfortable about something.

kali110 · 12/09/2016 16:38

Nothing wrong with trusting your instincts, but i don't think the driver was weird.
I've had taxi drivers ask me that ( when not going home) i've never told them my exact address.
Just something like 'near the station' etc.

Meadows76 · 12/09/2016 16:44

He was expecting you to say an area. Then he would say 'oh I can take you direct for X amount'. Nothing remotely creepy, just a case of miss out the middle man (being the train/tram) - it's his business.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/09/2016 16:46

I think you were right to listen to your instincts. You will never know if you were right, but what if you had been and ignored them?

Something your lizard brain picked up spooked you. Nothing suspicious actually happened. Always listen to your lizard brain.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/09/2016 16:52

Based on the information you gave, I would say you over reacted and he was likely making small talk.

However, you felt uncomfortable and acted on your gut feeling. Your instinct may have been entirely wrong (you'll never know) but there is a reason we have instincts. Your fight/flight response said 'flight' on this occasion.

takesnoprisoners · 12/09/2016 16:55

Sounds like a combination of first impression and a new experience. You didn't probably like him because he questioned your ability to pay and you were already on edge because of the taxi situation. You know that you don't have to answer the question, right? "where's home?' "oh, not to far. Why do you ask? Where do you live? Where are you from? How long have you been driving a taxi?' There. Job done.

ButEmilylovedhim · 12/09/2016 16:57

You did the right thing 100%. Women are taught to be pleasant, polite, smooth things over, make conservation, never offend, don't make a fuss etc etc, and predatory men use this to their advantage. You picked up many, many cues (possibly unconsciously) in his intonation, body language, his phrasing which are hard to explain to others but which made you very uncomfortable. Well done for acting on these 'instincts' and not your socialisation! I've read maybe half of The Gift of Fear and that's the gist!

If this guy did mean to just make conversation and had no malign intent, then it's a lesson to him that he's coming over all wrong!

Cherryskypie · 12/09/2016 16:59

It's a common question but you did absolutely the right thing getting out of the cab because you felt uncomfortable. Trust your instincts.

SoupDragon · 12/09/2016 17:02

You asked to be dropped at a station so that implies you had a further journey to make. I think that's why he asked why home was - he expected it to be a train ride away.

Blueskyrain · 12/09/2016 17:05

I get taxis quite a lot and many of them like making small talk. Where you going? Where you're from? Whether you've had a good day? Recalling the last two conversations I've had with taxi drivers both complete strangers, one told me all about his wedding plans and the other we made small talk about my work.

Unless he was saying anything in a particularly creepy way or there was something else that I'm missing here, I think he was being entirely reasonable, and your behaviour was a bit odd maybe.

Is may be because you're young you're not used to taking taxis and you're not used to small talk.

Meadows76 · 12/09/2016 17:06

You did the right thing 100%. Women are taught to be pleasant, polite, smooth things over, make conservation, never offend, don't make a fuss etc etc, and predatory men use this to their advantage. Are they? Do they?

Cherryskypie · 12/09/2016 17:07

Yes. Yes. HTH.

scallopsrgreat · 12/09/2016 17:09

Yes you were right to trust your instincts. You were there. You probably looked at more than simply what he was saying and more than you can probably articulate here and made a judgement call.

Women (as demonstrated by some posts on this thread) are often told to override their instincts in order to be polite. They are then asked to justify those instincts coz men and their feelz may be hurt. Or somehow you are responsible for the rest of the female population and this man's future behaviour otherwise your instincts were clearly incorrect .

Original poster

Rufen · 12/09/2016 17:09

Once again thank you for all of your posts, it's really appreciated.

I can see why he may have asked me that now, but at the time it really did unnerve me. I have no way to know his intentions and as some of you said - I'm thankful for that. Thank you for your help and support.

I've asked MNHQ to delete my thread as I'd like to put the ordeal behind me now I have different viewpoints, but all of your input has been incredibly valuable to me and I appreciate it.

OP posts:

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/09/2016 17:13

I get taxis quite a lot.

One of the nuttiest experiences involved a driver asking me to have his babies because I was "child bearing age."

He assured me we wouldn't need to DTD, a turkey baster could be employed to get round the icky bits.

I did phone the taxi company to report but unfortunately hadn't taken his reg no.

Obviouspretzel · 12/09/2016 17:15

I think you were being ridiculous, he was just making conversation. He probably didn't acknowledge your discomfort because he was probably thinking, suit yourself then.

Unless he said it in a seedy/leery way, I can't actually see what was wrong with it. Just lie if you don't want to say where, he wasn't asking you for the address.

JellyBelli · 12/09/2016 17:15

Meadows76
Yes we are, and yes they do.

SoupDragon · 12/09/2016 17:17

Women (as demonstrated by some posts on this thread) are often told to override their instincts in order to be polite

I don't think any posts say she should have overridden her instincts. Pharos 2 may have. Implied that and some didn't mention instinct at all and just commented on it just being small talk. The vast majority said it is never wrong to trust your instincts.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread