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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have got out of this taxi?

73 replies

Rufen · 12/09/2016 15:09

Hello everyone,

I'm only young, 19, and with no desire to have children, but I'm a long time lurker as I'm a feminist and love this site for being a safe space for women. I've always been content with lurking but today something happened that made me think I should ask for your thoughts.

I'm a student, and I usually get the tram home after class, however today there was an issue at one of the stations, meaning I had to get a cab home instead. So I get in one and tell the driver to take me to the station I'd usually get off at, where I was meeting my dad. After some dithering and being asked if I had any money (which felt a little uncalled for), he started driving and then asked me where I was going afterwards. I replied 'home'. He then asked me 'where is home?', to which I asked 'why?'. He didn't seem to have an answer to that and I was incredibly uncomfortable, and told him to let me out of the car because of this, which he did. He didn't apologise or give my discomfort much acknowledgement.

My mum says it was just conversation but I felt so uncomfortable being asked for information like that when I only asked to be taken to the station. Something just told me to get out of there so I did. It really shook me, even if in writing it doesn't seem so bad. Perhaps he was asking where I was going on the tram? But I just panicked and didn't want to be in a confined space with him on my own.

So WIBU to have got upset over this and asked him to let me out? I need to know if I was exaggerating or not!

OP posts:

Sn0tnose · 12/09/2016 17:17

Well yes but OP felt threatened by him... then did nothing to prevent future young female fares from also being threatened :-/

From what the OP has written, it sounds like he was either just pushing for an extra fare or trying (and failing) to make general conversation and lacking in the social skills needed to realise it wasn't welcomed. Yes, she felt uncomfortable enough to get out of the cab, (good for you, OP) but it's hugely unfair of you to make it sound like he is a sex offender or a mugger, just waiting to pounce and that if anything happens to any lone females in his cab, then it's on her for failing to report him. Stop trying to make her feel like that.

OP is 19. I certainly wouldn't have had the confidence to stop a cab at that age, and probably wouldn't have had the confidence to listen to my instincts either.

JellyBelli · 12/09/2016 17:18

A driver offering to take you the entire journey can just do that. They dont need to ask you where you live first.

''If you're catching a tram I can take you across the city''. Not creepy or intrusive.

britbat23 · 12/09/2016 17:23

Sn0tnose she felt uncomfortable enough to get out of the cab (to protect herself) but not uncomfortable enough to report him (to protect others).

That's an awfully fine distinction to make isn't it!

dowhatnow · 12/09/2016 17:23

Nothing wrong with trusting instincts. It's not just what people say but their body language too. Better be safe than sorry.

RiverTam · 12/09/2016 17:24

The taxi driver wasn't taking her home so he had no reason to ask where home is. He was taking her to the station.

Lots of people find this kind of small talk excruciating. I wish druvers would pick up cues from their passengers rather than imposing themselves in them.

WeAllHaveWings · 12/09/2016 17:30

From what you say it sounds like general chit chat, "where is home" is a completely normal taxi driver question and answered by Glasgow, west end, govan or whatever, he's not asking for your address.

Obviously something about him spooked, we have no way of knowing if he was creepy or you are overly anxious in a 1-1 situation with an unknown man.

You did the right thing getting out of the cab if you felt nervous, but hope you paid him for the part journey he took you on as it doesn't sound like he did anything untoward.

Either way reporting him is way OTT and you have nothing to report him for.

Meadows76 · 12/09/2016 17:40

The taxi driver wasn't taking her home so he had no reason to ask where home is. He was taking her to the station.. You are missing the point. He asked where home was because he wanted to get himself a bigger fare by taking her home rather than dropping her at the station. It's his job ffs. Any decent taxi driver is always on the lookout for that next pound

user1471734618 · 12/09/2016 17:41

OP you did the right thing.

RiverTam · 12/09/2016 17:42

No, his job is to take his fare where she's asked.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 12/09/2016 17:45

OP you definitely did the right thing. Trust your instincts. I know you said you wanted the thread deleted but before it goes I just wanted to share this website:

www.suzylamplugh.org

I think is the one mentioned up thread, really useful tips.

Sn0tnose · 12/09/2016 17:45

Britbat The OP was very sensible, listened to her instincts and got out of the cab. Unless I've misquoted you, (which I'm not ruling out as my iPad seems to have gone rogue) you described him as a 'poor guy just trying to make conversation' and told the OP she needed more experience in making small talk and that she should stop assuming every man is a rapist. Leaving aside the hugely patronising manner in which you dismissed her concerns, (which were completely valid if his manner made her uncomfortable) it seems a little incongruous to then make her feel like she's responsible if any other women feel threatened by his small talk. It's an unnecessarily unkind thing to say to a young woman who is already doubting herself.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 12/09/2016 17:51

I agree 100% with Sn0tnose. It is also worth noting that a common tactic for people who may want to harm you is to play to the feeling (that many women have) of not wanting to make a fuss, or be rude. If someone is making you uncomfortable don't just put up with it. You should never, ever, put politeness above your personal safety.

OrchidsAndLace · 12/09/2016 18:18

"I'd like to put the ordeal behind me"

"Ordeal"? Wow. Let's hope you never have to deal with anything more stressful in life than someone asking you a perfectly normal question. Honestly, you probably made the taxi driver very uncomfortable with your odd behaviour.

To all the people saying "always trust your gut" and "we have instincts for a reason" - you really should watch a video compilation that went viral recently of cats being spooked out of their skins by cucumbers. Yes, we have instincts for a reason. But nine times out of ten when an animal (including us) gets panicked by something, it's a false alarm based on, basically, nothing at all.

Bear in mind that "instincts" are probably also what made the taxi driver question whether the OP had any money. People are often happy to trust their own (usually incorrect) instincts about the sinister intentions of others, but when they're on the receiving end of other people's incorrect assumptions they get all indignant. It works both ways.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/09/2016 18:19

Having been sexually assaulted I can say with absolute certainty that men definitely do use female socialization against women. They know we don't want to be rude. We're brought up not to make a fuss. Predators use this.

Ted Bundy, serial killer, used to ask girls to help him with stuff. Had a fake plaster cast. Killed at least 30. Best known example, but the principle is the same.

user1471734618 · 12/09/2016 18:21

I agree.
men start all this...'wheres home love' ' have you got any money for the fare' in the full knowledge that if anyone accuses them of being creepy or predatory they can say 'but I only asked her this or that, silly cow' and that the majority of people with agree with him.

kali110 · 14/09/2016 13:48

Not wrong for op to listen to her instincts, but lets not imply that this taxi driver was anything but a taxi driver.
Many of us have said this is a very normal question that taxi drivers ask ( and that they ask not just women!) so lets not make out he had any sinisters thoughts, or that he did anything wrong.
Op didn't feel right, fine, but he didn't do anything wrong.

BurningBridges · 14/09/2016 14:15

I think you are amazing for acting on your instincts and I hope that if necessary my DDs will be able to act like that too - put this one down to experience.

BurningBridges · 14/09/2016 14:17

BTW - please do get out of a 100 taxis and offended every driver in Manchester and all the shires beyond but just get home safe.

BurningBridges · 14/09/2016 14:18

"offend" I meant. Although I doubt he cared one way or another.

northernshepherdess · 19/09/2016 14:07

Taxi drivers are very much like hairdressers... great at waffle.
My sister is a hairdresser and friend is a taxi driver.. even my sister goes into waffle mode when she's doing hair for people she knows...
None of what was said is odd.. It falls in the waffle bracket. They ask you a couple of questions... just enough to get you waffling while they half listen and suddenly the time has passed.
But always follow gut instinct, it picks up on tiny instinctive clues.
If he was a weirdo Id have expected him to be more reluctant about letting you out but u never know.

northernshepherdess · 19/09/2016 14:13

P's. .. taxi drivers get screwed all the time in mcr. Often they pick people up off the record for extra cash but the more Sharp travellers are aware that this is illegal, unlicensed and uninsured so refuse to pay knowing the driver cannot call the police.
Bf is a dj in mcr and they see loads of end of night rows with taxi drivers :/

WhateverWillBe · 19/09/2016 14:15

If you ask a taxi driver to take you to a train or bus station, the logical next question (if they're the chatty type) is along the lines of 'Oh where are you going?' 'Home' could have been anywhere, including flying to North America or Australia or somewhere else far-flung. Which is a conversation started so there's no wonder he asked.

It's just conversation. Think you way overreacted!

NavyandWhite · 19/09/2016 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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