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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how the fuck anyone with a baby gets anything done?

106 replies

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 12/09/2016 14:17

DS is 7.5 months. He is a lovely little boy, I'm on maternity leave so home during the day, we usually get out to a busy babies/rhyme time most days.
My house is a complete tip. I can put him in the jumperoo for all of five minutes before he's crying. I put him down with toys, turn my back to him to do something and he's crying. He naps for just about long enough for me to eat something once a day and he's crying and takes hours to go to back to sleep. I have a mountain of admin and cleaning that I NEED to do, (the admin more than the cleaning). DH works long hours and needs to be carefully instructed in what housework to do, because he's apparently fucking incapable of seeing what needs doing.
I am at the end of my fucking tether.
How do people get shit done?

OP posts:
InionEile · 13/09/2016 05:33

Hiring a babysitter has been the only solution for me but that's not very helpful for you unless that is something you want / can afford to do!

On the days I have both kids with me at home, it just depends how I'm feeling really. Sometimes I just soldier on and get things done - making phone calls with screaming kids in the background, folding laundry with 1-year old hanging off my leg and 4 year old trying to press buttons on the machine, cooking dinner to the soundtrack of howling and shrieking... then other days I just can't deal with the noise and sensory overload and I just let everything go to shit.

It is exasperating to have an ever-growing to-do list that never seems to be completed because I can't ever get a clear run at anything. I'm supposed to be studying for an exam this Friday and it is just impossible except on the day I have my babysitter here.

emmantfc · 13/09/2016 05:45

Thanks for this thread, some good tips! Cordless vacuum helps, sling has been invaluable although it sounds like that's not practical for you. I sit DS in his bouncy chair close to me and turn housework into a game with silly songs etc. I've also been known to push him backwards and forwards in his pram with my foot whilst doing a task. Admin and online shopping I do on my phone during night feeds. I also have a to-do list on my phone so that when he goes down for a nap I can whizz through my jobs and not forget what needs doing. But getting any deep cleaning done is hard, and I've pretty much given up on cooking from scratch.

oblada · 13/09/2016 06:03

Agreed with some others - baby carrier/sling has been my lifesaver with my first one. I'd get anything done with her strapped on me. Especially after 6months as she could be on my back then. TV was no help at all with either of my kids but then again can't stand TV just being the background and baby programmes drive me nuts.
Otherwise I usually could get some work done on computer whilst bf as well so this helped too... With my second she would sleep till 10am and then have a 2-3hrs nap so easy! :)

whoopiedoo · 13/09/2016 07:21

My DD was like this, 16 months on she still demands my attention the entire time she's awake which is from about 5/6am until 9pm (she doesn't nap!). Everyone tells me what a gorgeous sociable little girl she is, and she is, but it also means she wants constant interaction with me and we're awake for virtually the same hours! My DP also works long hours and is more than useless around the home he's a hindrance he's so untidy!

My advice is (as other people have said) lower your expectations, it is hard but your little one will eventually grow out of this stage and become more independent. In the meantime, apply the 'one thing' rule :) if you manage to get one thing done each day you're doing well :) That one thing could be to put washing on and hang it out or put the hoover round or tidy up/clean (what really needs to be done rather than to your usual standard) the kitchen or bathroom. It might sound crazy but the one thing rule kept me sane when my DD was that age and I would often feel so frustrated with my home looking a tip.

Troika · 13/09/2016 10:18

I just don't.
My house is tidy ish but it's getting pretty dirty tbh. It's a big old house that generates lot of dust and takes a lot of cleaning at the best of times.

I get the chance to surface clean but that's it. So a quick hoover, a quick spray and wipe around the bathroom, a quick whip around with the duster...

It's disgusting underneath though Sad

minipie · 13/09/2016 10:28

I don't want to derail the thread, but does he sleep well at night? If not, then you might want to consider some sleep training* for the nights, and as a bonus you might find he does longer cot naps and is less grumpy in the day.

*not if he's teething heavily or has mega separation anxiety right now... wait till it calms down

Oysterbabe · 13/09/2016 10:31

At 7.5 months I'd expect 2 naps of at least an hour and possibly an extra little catnap. How well does baby sleep at night?

Creativemode · 13/09/2016 10:40

I really don't know. I'm starting to actually feel quite depressed about this.

I'm at home with a 15 month old. He's does nap but you can barely go upstairs without him waking up. He's round my feet all day moaning. I can't even fold washing because he's climbing everywhere and pulling it all over.

Never understood the sling thing, I mean how much can you actually south a big lump of a baby in a sling?

Dh is starting to get a bit like"what have you been doing all day". I feel like telling him to go fuck himself. It's all just getting on top of me.

Creativemode · 13/09/2016 10:42

Oh and he isn't sleeping at night atm so I'm spending half the night getting whacked over the head by him.

Klchi · 13/09/2016 10:45

I'm in the same boat. Can't get fuck all done. He hates his sling/carrier. Hates the jumperoo and walker after 5 fucking minutes and only wants to play with the packet of wipes (which occupies him long enough for me to eat a bloody sandwich)
I then get DP asking why I haven't done fuck all, all day. Then DS is happy as a fly in shit when he's back so I look a complete liar

Original poster
LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 13/09/2016 12:00

Mini at night we generally get a 6 hour stretch then he comes into bed with me for the rest of the night. Naps are an issue!
So pleased (and sorry for everyone else) that it's not just me!
The one useful thing I can add is an electric pressure/slow cooker (mine's an instant pot, and I love it dearly) makes the cooking much easier

OP posts:
ChickenMe · 13/09/2016 12:14

My house is pretty disgusting but I've given up caring really. I just about manage to clear up after her. We don't stay in much. She was sitting up at 4 months in her bouncer standing at 7 months it's been go go go from the start.
Some people judge the use of TV but I'd be lost without it.

geekymommy · 13/09/2016 13:36

Are the laws in your country enlightened with respect to people who maim or kill someone who knows you've been home with a baby and say "what have you been doing all day"?

pleasemothermay1 · 13/09/2016 13:41

Op hope Somone has the answer I have 3 kids 2 who are under 4

Mostly I dump the kids with dh and do everything on the weekend mostly try and hold in togethe during the week

Letting the two little one agruge over a toy cat gave me about 30 minutes to clear out the play room i am not proud btw

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 13/09/2016 23:07

Lapin YY to finding other ways to do things. I am doing a bit of studying at the moment. I wrote my last essay mostly on my phone while at children's birthday parties (I realise this is less helpful to parents of babies), soft play and in 5-10 minute bursts at home. So annoying, time consuming and I would much rather have sat at the computer but it wouldn't have happened otherwise (obviously the final write up and editing wasn't on my phone). Just about to start the next module now and I know most of that will be done on my phone or at stupid o clock at night too.

wurlycurly · 13/09/2016 23:23

I remember feeling just like you did. I was sleep deprived and at a very low ebb. My baby would not nap at home and woke four times a night. I was telling this to a friend of a friend at a kids party and she said 'they are tiny for such a short time and will only need you in this way for such a short time' it really helped to hear that. Also at 9 months she decided to nap at home, it was like being reborn! It was amazing to have predictable time to myself after so long. Good luck. Hopefully it comes good soon

HOMEMADEROLLS · 04/08/2022 08:08

6 years later, with my own 4 month old... I have NEVER related to someone so much in my life. From the 5 mins in jumperroo until total meltdown, chores piling up, husband needing to be watched and guided in the simplest of housework. My husband works long hours too so I get barely any help with baby or chores. Idk how tf he thinks his clothes get washed, his food made or the house gets clean... Guess he will realize when it ends up not getting done because my son is just about making it so I have ZERO non-holding/carrying time. Can't put him in a carrier to cook or take a shower or boil bottles to disinfect them. My baby doesn't quite sit up alone totally yet and he refuses to even lay in a crib of any kind. So I try the jumperroo like you said and even turn on kids music on the tablet. Useless. I can't sit him in a chair near me or sit him in the floor. He's too young to sit independently. I have no idea wtf to do. Where do I put my baby when I MUST BATHE or COOK or do anything that I just can't hold him while doing? I even hold him while I am on the toilet... Just to keep him from losing his mind in a crib for 5 mins. I need to know what people do with their 4 month olds when they need to get things done! I'm rambling though, sorry. I'm just so sick of looking to the internet for answers and I get bs answers like "try to get your chores done when your baby naps" well IF I can get him to nap, it's for 30 mins tops. So I can do MAYBE 1 THING ON MY ENDLESS LIST. Or another answer I get over and over is "your baby just likes to be held and there's nothing wrong with that! Hold him if he wants to be held!" THANK YOU, EARTH MOTHER, FOR THE BRILLIANT ADVICE. I'm losing it.

But thank you OP. This is the only thing I've found that made me feel better in my search for answers. Everything you said is so my life right now.

MeenzAmRhoi · 04/08/2022 08:36

I was the same. My son never just sat and played, he was constantly bored and whining. So I'd just wait for husband to come home, he'd take baby, do dinner and bath, I'd do some tidying while he didn't that and when I put baby to bed, he continued.
We would then eventually sit down together at 9ish for a few hours. We just understood our house would be a bit messier with small children but it won't be like that forever so accepted it 😅

MeenzAmRhoi · 04/08/2022 08:37

MeenzAmRhoi · 04/08/2022 08:36

I was the same. My son never just sat and played, he was constantly bored and whining. So I'd just wait for husband to come home, he'd take baby, do dinner and bath, I'd do some tidying while he didn't that and when I put baby to bed, he continued.
We would then eventually sit down together at 9ish for a few hours. We just understood our house would be a bit messier with small children but it won't be like that forever so accepted it 😅

My spelling mistakes 🙄 I meant whinging* as it seems less harsh 😅 and I mean "while he did that".

MeenzAmRhoi · 04/08/2022 08:39

I should add, now DS is 2 and is SO much easier to get things done. I play with him a little then tell him I've got to empty the dishwasher and he plays on his own. And I mix it up, so the house gets tidy through the day and there's much less to do in the evening now.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 04/08/2022 08:46

If i needed to get stuff done, i used to just crack on and let DD whinge. I'd put her down in the lounge with her toys and the tv on, and get on with tidying etc.

LT2 · 04/08/2022 09:12

I'd like to know this too! My 6 month old is attached to me like velcro. He's the same with his jumperoo - great fun for 10 mins, then he's done. Same with any other activity. I'm trying to remember to use the sling more often, so that he can be with me and I'm still able to do things. But he's not always in the mood to be in that.

Youdoyoutoday · 04/08/2022 09:22

Chucking baby and daddy out for a walk for an hour to run round and get stuff done helped with the first.
Lowering standards, my folks would come round and hold the baby whilst I did a few bits, my mum used to be a cleaner so she couldn't help herself sometimes so I just let her crack on with it. I'd sometimes come home from work to find the ironing done and the bathroom cleaned!

My second was very clingy but she would nap for ages after the school run so I would do everything in those couple of hours.

TOMM helped to break it down a bit but don't waste money on the book or app.

Maybe a list a daily chores on the fridge would help guide your DP

twoandcooplease · 04/08/2022 09:39

I think op probably got he admin and housework done and I'm sure she gets a bit more of a break now that her ds is school age ...

Zombie thread 2016

MassiveSalad22 · 04/08/2022 09:41
  • robot hoover
  • lower standards
  • get out the house so it stays nice
  • present husband
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