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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how the fuck anyone with a baby gets anything done?

106 replies

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 12/09/2016 14:17

DS is 7.5 months. He is a lovely little boy, I'm on maternity leave so home during the day, we usually get out to a busy babies/rhyme time most days.
My house is a complete tip. I can put him in the jumperoo for all of five minutes before he's crying. I put him down with toys, turn my back to him to do something and he's crying. He naps for just about long enough for me to eat something once a day and he's crying and takes hours to go to back to sleep. I have a mountain of admin and cleaning that I NEED to do, (the admin more than the cleaning). DH works long hours and needs to be carefully instructed in what housework to do, because he's apparently fucking incapable of seeing what needs doing.
I am at the end of my fucking tether.
How do people get shit done?

OP posts:
londonrach · 12/09/2016 16:49

My life at the moment. Simple you dont

IJustLostTheGame · 12/09/2016 16:51

I too had a velcro baby. I was lucky if I got a wash on.
I just lived in a hovel for a year

Diddlydokey · 12/09/2016 16:52

7.5 months - do the 2/3/4 routine & do jobs when they nap and after bed. There is always a way but it changes all the time. When they stop napping is a shock to the system!!

Trying to maintain a standard rather than letting it go to pot and spring cleaning is easier.

In the first year dh took the baby out so I could do deeper cleaning tasks or just sleep

Put washing on a timer and peg out whilst baby is eating a bit of toast for breakfast.

But defo ger your partner doing their share - he doesn't need to be adding to your workload.

ginorwine · 12/09/2016 16:58

I had a frount sling
And also a baby carrier like a small rucksack on my back
Ds cried when put down but next to me in either o cd do anything exept read . So hoovering , cooking - backpack design - tidying - bit of a pain but better than the alternative . He got to be comforted and I got to do stuff . Hope it works for you .

Silvertap · 12/09/2016 17:01

A sling, a cleaner and the fact I have to do stuff - I can't not feed the animals or do a bit of paperwork (I'm a farmer). It's amazing what you can do when you have to!

GiraffesAndButterflies · 12/09/2016 17:36

Thank you for this thread OP, I nearly started my own "is it normal to still be getting fuck all done when they're 7mo" today. Reading everyone else's stories of Velcro babies and those who won't nap by themselves is immensely reassuring. Seriously thank you GrinFlowers

I think I was actually happier in the early months when I accepted the shit tip house and the constant sling wearing. With DS now 7mo it is getting me down because I feel like we "should be" past that stage. This thread has reminded me otherwise. I shall put the sling back on and re-lower my standards!!

Once again thank you, yes I know I'm gushing but you really don't know how much this has made me feel better!! Smile

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 12/09/2016 17:42

It is a real challenge, that's for sure. It's only now that my youngest is 3 that I feel I have some hope of a tidier house! Sorry as that will not be what you want to hear. I got the minimum done when DD1 was 7 months. Prioritise what's important to you, for me it's laundry and washing dishes. I was luckier than you with the jumperoo time. My advice (awaits flaming) is to try your DC in front of every possible baby / CBeebies tv programme. Hopefully you will find one he likes. Then use that to put on at set intervals through the day and run around like a mad thing! For us it was Mr Tumble like a PP. we had three episodes a day which let me do laundry and washing up. Proper cleaning was done at the weekend by DH while I took DD out.

Also re naps, if you take the baby out will be sleep? Doesn't help the state of the house but you could do admin while he sleeps in pram as has been suggested upthread.

It's a hard age and tbh getting housework done from now until about 15 months years can be difficult so the best bet is to find a strategy that works and do the best you can Flowers

Frazzled2207 · 12/09/2016 17:57

I really struggle - I have two but it was bad enough with one tbh. He never went in a jumperoo or bouncy chair or anything without screaming. When they get to 1 they start watching cbeebies a bit which is a godsend and also playing independently a little bit. But by then you're probably back at work so you need to get dh to help more now. At least hand the baby over when he gets back from work. And put him firmly in charge of the baby for at least half a day at weekends while you catch up a bit, or just have a rest. Put him in charge of the smaller repetitive jobs like
Emptying the dishwasher and doing the bins and send reminders to the diary on his phone.

I used to be Envyat my mummy friends with immculate homes whose kids napped for 3 hours. Mine were both rubbish nappers generally but did get a bit better between 1 and 2.

My house had sadly basically been a tip for over three years now Confused

Frazzled2207 · 12/09/2016 18:01

My husband is far from useless in terms of housework but has much lower standards in terms of how tidy the house has to be.
We argue about it a lot but I firmly believe the key is to basically lower your own expectations of what's acceptable, sadly

29redshoes · 12/09/2016 18:18

Those of you who struggle to get anything done, has it always been like this? Or does it suddenly get worse? DD is only just over four months but I'm wondering if I've still got this to come.

PatPhelan · 12/09/2016 18:22

Eugh I feel your pain. I have a 7.5 motnth old ds AND a 2year old ds.

Some days it's works out that older ds entertains the baby and other days they are both screaming at the same time. I have to turn most housework into a song and dance. The only housework I prioritise is washing up, washing clothes and cleaning the kitchen and lounge. Everything else gets done in the evenings or weekends.

I've had to lower standards to be able to enjoy my day.

minipie · 12/09/2016 18:27

29redshoes it gets worse at times. When separation anxiety hits (some time 6-9 months ime). When they get mobile and are dangerous in whole new ways until they learn a bit of sense and you have childproofed (for DD, this was 10 months to about 15 months). So yeah 4 months is pretty easy in terms of getting stuff done! Sorry!

powershowerforanhour · 12/09/2016 18:38

Same here...DD is requires near constant entertainment or will cry and scream (solidly- the very few times I have left her to it in desperation to get stuff done she has ended up exhausted, ultra stressed and almost shocked looking after crying - not just grizzling- for so long).
It's not colic or teething- she is almost always happy and calm as soon as picked up, except when she has been left too long ( over a minute crying say) and goes past the point of no return.
Very occasionally she will grizzle then settle but 19 times out of 20 she just escalates.
She hates front/hip carry slings and my lower back does too.
Might try her in a back carry one soon.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 12/09/2016 18:47

redshoes I think as mentioned I had lower expectations in the early days, plus DS was that much lighter and it was not too much hassle to just have him in the sling all day.

Now I am aiming for better defined naps and trying to get him in his cot for them. Also solids and teething have entered the mix, just to complicate things. So yeah I'd say it's a bit worse but also I'm being too ambitious as in, I'm actually trying to have ambitions Confused

Original poster
LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 12/09/2016 18:53

Thankyou everyone. I'm going to look at getting a cleaner. Sadly if I back carry him in my sling he grabs my hair and pulls, front carry he's too heavy to get much done

OP posts:
TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 12/09/2016 18:55

29 I think I always struggled (am rubbish at tidying anyway although have planned a new start this academic year) so you may be ok. That said, it gets hard once they can crawl as they are no longer happy on a playmat. A jumperoo is your friend if they'll go in one.

There is a silver lining if your baby doesn't nap reliably or for long... I had friends with babies and toddlers who reliably napped for hours each day. They got loads done... until their baby dropped the nap and then it was a huge shock to their organised system! At least I didn't have that Grin.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 12/09/2016 18:56

Oooh I forgot, I used a hipseat for DD2 and it was amazing. Worth a go?

Sparrowlegs248 · 12/09/2016 18:57

It's bloody hard. You have to find what works for you and the baby. Ds is 13 months now. In the early months I did everything with him in a sling. Then he started to tolerate the bouncer as long as he was bounced, so I washed up standing on one leg, foot bouncing with the other...... Then came the jumperoo which he soon loved. He would go in after breakfast while I washed up and swept. He is good in his highchair too, we have breakfast then I give him a few small things he likes to occupy him for a bit (blueberries etc) and noe he's too big for the jumperoo he goes in a travel cot with toys. He has a load of ball pit type balls which he loves throwing out. So every day I wash up a.m. ( including from the night before thanks dh......) wipe round kitchen and sweep. I'm happy if I get that and a wash done tbh

Twice a week I will do more - dust and hoover downstairs, or hoover and clean bathroom upstairs. That's it.

Me624 · 12/09/2016 19:26

DS is 6.5 months. I have a cleaner who comes once a fortnight. In between her visits I don't clean other than vacuuming when it needs it (every couple of days, whizz round with a dyson cordless), wiping down the kitchen (done as I go) and occasionally the bathrooms, but only if they really need it in between cleaner visits.

First thing in the morning I plonk DS in his high chair with a wooden spoon (his current favourite toy!) and zoom round emptying the dishwasher, clearing out the cat's litter tray, putting the bins out, and making us both breakfast. After he's eaten I get him dressed and not long after that he'll have a nap, which is when I do any vacuuming/sticking a load of laundry on if necessary.

We make a mess all day. While he's eating tea in his high chair (usually finger foods, so I just let him get on with destroying them) I load the dishwasher, wipe down sides if they need it etc. Immediately after he's gone to bed, I wash and sterilise all bottles and tidy all toys away. I can't relax for the evening until it's done.

Life admin gets slotted in whenever I can when he's napping. DS is fickle, sometimes he'll give me a 90 minute or even 2 hour nap, other times it's 30 minutes! I just get what I can done when I can and don't stress the rest.

missm0use · 12/09/2016 20:22

My DD is exactly the same age and I could have written the same post word for word!! I run a B&B and getting the rooms ready is a noisy tantrum filled few hours.

Best thing I did was pay someone to do my ironing for me! I just do as much as I can either one handed or while she clings to my legs or wailing in the play pen baby jail. Although today's genius move was wheel her through in her highchair and sing to her while I made up the beds!

Chocolate and coffee help! Xx

ChickenMe · 12/09/2016 20:23

My daughter is/was just like this. Really crazy, demanding attention constantly, shouting if I averted my gaze. I found 6-12 months pretty tough. Ask for help before it gets too much because on a serious note my mental health really suffered from trying to do everything myself and not trusting anyone else.

judybloomno5 · 12/09/2016 20:25

electronic babysitter. I know its not very helpful but its the only way i could take a phone call as at this age DD was moaning ALL THE TIME.

Lapinlapin · 13/09/2016 00:08

I think minipie's assessment is spot on!
Some babies let you get things done and other don't.

Don't beat yourself up about not getting much done if you have a demanding baby. Maybe you can find a few ways to work round it though.

My children are now 2 and 5, but if I sit with them whilst they play/watch TV I can often do a few basic things, such as reply to emails, do my online shop etc on my tablet. If I try to disappear into the study to use the computer (my preferred option), they start needing me/following me/climbing all over me and I achieve nothing!
So sometimes just finding different ways of doing things can help. And accepting that you need to work round the child you have, rather than change them!

geekymommy · 13/09/2016 04:45

I'm trying to get DS back to sleep now. He still doesn't sleep through the night or nap well without me with him, at almost 14 months. At this age, DD slept through the night at least.

Tootsiepops · 13/09/2016 05:05

I love this thread. Daughter is 9 months old and most days I can't even get dinner made unless I want to listen to whining which gradually escalates in to a full blown meltdown unless I pick her up. And when I do pick her up, I get a whack in the face. Lovely! I woke up to go for a pee at 4am, and can't get back to sleep because I'm so giddy at the thought of just lying quietly in bed with my phone with no one screeching at me or clambering over me or needing anything from me I'm having the best time ever

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