to be upset about Grandma's name change?

[crazycatz]

My DH is lucky enough to have a 96 year old Grandma who he is very close to and who has always been lovely to me. Her real name is Ivy but she has been know to friends and her husband (when he was alive) as Janet, since she was 16 and she and her best friend both decided to change their names. When I was pregnant with her first great grandchild she made me promise not to name the baby after her if it was a girl, because in her words she hated the name!! However when her granddaughter had her first child 18 months later she did call her Ivy after her Grandma and then she and her mum also started to call Grandma 'great grammy Ivy' I thought it was a bit odd. My kids have always just called her Grandma. Now she has gone into a home she is known as Ivy there and even her birthday invites say great grammy Ivy, I feel quite upset about it, it seems quite rude to change someones name like that esp as she has alzheimers. Any thoughts on this. she's kind of too confused to be upset about it herself now but it just seems mean to me!

Awful that your dh grandmas wishes have been disrespected. Suspect what's at the heart of this is that Ivy is a trendy name hence gdaughter's choice. She now wants recognition that she's named after grandma so grandma has to change name. It's part of a really patronising approach we all have to older people. In her lifetime Janet was the trendier name and obviously her preference. This is really sad.

yomellamo my nan was cissy! Like a pp it was really strange hearing the vicar use her real name during her funeral.

When DMIL was in hospital last summer after a fall, she was on a day assessment ward with another elderly lady, who had also had a fall, and who were both waiting to be taken home by ambulance.

The other lady was another "Enid but known as Joan" and when the ambulance driver came over and said "how are you Enid" her son stepped in immediately to explain the name she was known as.

It's frustrating enough that hospital do this presumption of first names with eldery patients (why wasn't she Mrs Simmons or whatever as they'd never met before). I don't know whether there just isn't a space on the forms in hospital for "preferred name", to prevent this sort of thing happening, but it must be so bewildering if the person went into hospital alone, as MIL did (we met her there). "Joan" was lucky that her DS lived close enough to follow the ambulance in and to stay with his mum.

Please ignore my message above that was for whoever suggested putting the name together as in Ivy-Janet. which is what I had kind of decided to go for.
Thank you so much for the support from everyone. I am glad to see that most people would feel the same as me about this. Also so sad to hear of others this has happened to, esp when carers have been informed. That is disgusting and so sad!
We have only visited her once in the care home and it was a bit shocking to be honest cos she would so rather be home but is determined to be good and grin and bear it - heartbreaking! Also it just felt so wrong to be calling her Ivy, I just couldn't do it so when I called before going and talked to staff whilst there I refered to her as Mrs Surname.
I had calmed down about it the next day and talked to DH about it and it is slightly more complicated than I explained. Apparently her family never agreed to her name change so continued to call her Ivy all her life while her husband, his family and all her friends called her Janet!
It is instigated by my sil who is a bit strange and yes if the names were the other way round then she would have still gone for the name Ivy cos its nicer. But I think she did it as a way of honouring grandma and crating a closeness thing between them all. I don't think they are that aware of how much Grandma dislikes the name. Which hubby says maybe cos she's just never mentioned it to them! She has talked to me quite a bit about it and has also said 'dont know why Chloe (my sil) called her Ivy I really hate the name!!'
anyway thanks for all the replies, I will try to talk to her about it next time I see her if it seems appropriate and Might also have a word with MIL, maybe she is not aware of Grandma disliking the name that much!

My GM was something like Margaret but got Mary her whole life. When she was admitted to a home/hospital they wrote Margaret on the board and called her that until we corrected them and they used Mary.

OP are you most miffed that you didn't get to name your DD after her, or that she is confused about her own name change? It does seem strange that the family are now referring to her as Ivy, perhaps take it up with them?

It's frustrating enough that hospital do this presumption of first names with eldery patients

There is actually protocol regarding this. In a healthcare setting you are supposed to call someone by their name, unless stated otherwise. For some people the Mr/Mrs X is considered proper, for others it is not.

Rockyroad3 no not really. I actually had a boy so I dont think it would've suited him. I later had a girl who I named after my Nana funnily enough. I actually changed names to protect ID, but it was a flower name, very lovely for a little girl but maybe not for a grown up which is maybe why Grandma changed it in the first place.?!!
Probably another reason that it upsets me tho is that I am known by my middle name not first. I changed it at 16, and my family all call me by my chosen name. I changed it on my marriage certificate tho so its all offical, if someone started calling me by my birth name that would be really weird altho someone replied on here that sometimes people actually start to refer to themselves by their birth name.