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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to jump straight back into being agony aunt?

24 replies

pinklemonade84 · 10/09/2016 18:17

We have had the week from hell, including a 3 day admission to hospital with dd.

A friend of mine has been messaging to keep in touch about how dd has been doing through her blood tests and scans. But the very night we get home she immediately starts messaging about how troublesome her life is (situations that could be easily avoided) and moaning about how she wants to get away from it all.

I'm normally quick to reply, but haven't been able to bring myself to do so properly this time. She knows we're on high alert at the moment and struggling to process everything, but still chose to be all me, me, me (something that she does very regularly).

AIBU to not want to jump straight back into constantly talking about her problems and to want to concentrate on my dd (who could need hospitalising again at any stage)?

OP posts:

BastardGoDarkly · 10/09/2016 18:19

Not unreasonable at all! Ignore her texts, concentrate on you and your family. Hope DD recovers well :)

Gingeete · 10/09/2016 18:22

Not at all. She should realise that you are in a difficult time and all energy is directed towards your family. Just send back a noncommittal message so you have responded. i had a friend like this and ended up cutting her off which made me look bad. Just be civil and indicate you can't really support at the moment.

McButtonwillow · 10/09/2016 18:22

Yanbu at all

Do some people just have no common sense? I wouldn't dream of talking about my problems if I knew a friend was going through what you are- very insensitive.

Sadly with some people though it's all "me me me" with no regard for anyone else.

Groovee · 10/09/2016 18:24

Some people are all about themselves. Ignore and concentrate on dd.

Original poster

pinklemonade84 · 10/09/2016 18:46

The sad thing is, because we don't live in an area where I have many friends I've just put up with it in the past and let certain things slide. Think doing a hpt in my house when she knew we were struggling with ttc

OP posts:

Cary2012 · 10/09/2016 18:51

YANBU

Your priorities right now are closer to home.

A good friend would be sensitive to this, and let you lean on her.

We all have limits

ConvincingLiar · 10/09/2016 18:53

She doesn't sound like a friend to you.

Original poster

pinklemonade84 · 10/09/2016 20:15

ConvincingLiar - she honestly doesn't act like one sometimes. Maybe it's time for me to find some new friends

OP posts:

PirateFairy45 · 10/09/2016 20:26

Tell her to get a grip, you don't care about her dumb ass problems and you're concerned about your daughter.

Lymmmummy · 10/09/2016 21:36

Is she my MIL or SIL?😄

Sorry you are having a tough time and thoughts with you and your daughter - focus on you and yours and ignore this friend

Sadly some people are just very self obsessed and are better ignored or distancing yourself from - I have done it with MIL SIL who are very much this type - yes it's hard but if someone can't show any concern when your child is ill they are not worthy of your time or effort

justilou · 11/09/2016 00:51

Simply write back "Please respect that I am very busy with DD. I do not have the time or attention for anything else.

WombOfOnesOwn · 11/09/2016 04:31

I have a friend like this. I tell him I'm having surgery, or just had a baby, or am getting divorced, or whatever ... and it's a quick "oh man that sucks/congrats/so sorry" followed by "so anyway, let me tell you about MY situation," usually a minor relationship drama or a movie he saw or an article he recently read or a joke he heard.

It's highly annoying. This friend is fine to talk to when neither of us has much going on and we're just shooting the breeze, but he seems to have NO sense of priorities or when someone might really need the conversation to linger on issues other than his own. He's not on the spectrum, just oblivious to the suffering of others and a bit selfish, I think. Of course, he expects me to drop everything and talk about him if he's got something really serious going on in his life...

Rachel0Greep · 11/09/2016 05:20

Hope things improve soon for your daughter.

I would ignore her texts, and when you feel like answering (whenever that may be - next year ) , quick text 'so busy here' etc.
I think we probably all know this type. 'Yes fine, now about ME'...

TheMaddHugger · 11/09/2016 06:11

Soft Soft (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) and More (((((((((((Hugs)))))))) :'(

Original poster

pinklemonade84 · 11/09/2016 08:19

She's probably annoyed that I haven't really replied to her about these "problems". Nowhere near to the extent that I normally would. She has history of doing this. It is all a bit me me me, regardless of what I'm going through at the time. All she seems bothered about is when we can get back to talking about her problems

OP posts:

justilou · 11/09/2016 09:10

Just write back "Perhaps you've noticed, but we are far too focussed on DD's health to have any energy left for anything else. Please respect this and give us the time and space she needs from us."
If she keeps hassling you, don't answer. She will back off eventually. I'm sorry you're having such a bad run. I hope DD's health issues are resolved and she's healthy again.

PGPsabitch · 11/09/2016 10:57

Yanbu she sounds verg self absorbed. If she doesn't support you like you do her then I'd consider if she is a friend and one you want to keep.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 11/09/2016 11:02

Tell her you are training to be a therapist and you will be billing her per text in the future. With any luck she will go off in a huff and you won't hear another thing.

stitchglitched · 11/09/2016 11:02

YANBU. I had a friend like this, it's exhausting. I was ill and spent a week in hospital and she constantly rang with her latest relationship woes, and complaining that it was hard for her that I was ill because she needed me. We aren't close friends anymore!

Original poster

pinklemonade84 · 11/09/2016 11:03

Thanks everyone. I guess I've been feeling a bit guilty over not being as readily available this week - which is why I posted asking.

I'm going to start taking a bit of a step back I think. Things aren't going to improve here for a while. The consultants in hospital are pretty much agreed that she has a genetic form of epilepsy, so our next step is an mri scan (possibly needing sedation) and then take things from there. So my priority has to be my dd (she'll be 5 months old on tuesday)

OP posts:

FetchezLaVache · 11/09/2016 11:10

So sorry about your DD, pink. I hope all goes well for the MRI scan.

YWNBU to ditch this friend even without the current situation! Foul weather friends, I call people like that, and they tend to prey on decent, caring people like you without ever giving much back.

PGPsabitch · 11/09/2016 11:11

Your poor dd beng poorly so little. I hope everything goes ok op, take care of yourself

AuroraBora · 11/09/2016 12:59

Do the same back to her?

"Oh that sucks. Did you hear ?"

AuroraBora · 11/09/2016 13:01

I hope everything goes ok with your DD and the MRI is helpful.

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