Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4

AIBU?

To keep expensive present from ex friend

81 replies

Lucinda1989 · 10/09/2016 16:34

I'm trying to ask this without giving away too much identifying information. I had a close friend I've known 5 years. We met at work. When I got pregnant after years of infertility she bought me the best present I've ever been given. New it is worth £900 but she bought it ex display for around £700. She originally bought it for herself but got given the newer model so gave me the original unused. At the time we were both in temporary full-time employment.

Recently I decided to end contact as while I do think she's essentially not a bad person, she is just so gossipy and I found out (admittedly from someone jealous of her) that she had repeated very private information about me to others. I know this woman who told me is only trying to cause trouble but at the same time, my 'friend' is known as a gossip and can't keep much private. I used to have quite a difficult past but I am now a respected professional and I cannot have private details passed around for others pleasure. The woman she told she barely knew and still spoke about me. It's nothing personal, she gossips about everyone. She's not nasty, just likes to talk too much about others.

I politely informed her I was aware she had been gossiping about me and no longer wished to stay friends. She replied saying she hadn't mentioned those things but she understood if I felt that way.
We both know she said it as she's the only one who I told that particular information to.

I've arranged to meet her to collect some of my things from hers as I stayed over at hers last week. I've also got some of her stuff at mine to give her.

I am absolutely sure I don't want to stay friends. But my husband thinks if I really don't want to stay friends I should also give her back the present she gave me as it is still worth around £400 second hand.

I am happy to give it back if that's the right thing to do. But would it be petty and bad mannered to do so?

What would be the reasonable thing to do?

I have given her presents over the years but nothing worth more than £20. She is on income support at the moment.
She has good qualifications and is applying for jobs in her field at the moment and has several interviews lined up. But she is still on income support and a single Parent at the moment.

Would I be unreasonable to keep the present?

OP posts:

Report

Footle · 11/09/2016 07:01

CafeCreme may have a point, OP. There's some kind of disconnect going on , and it may be that you're burning bridges you'll come to regret.
I hope you get things sorted.

Report

Sunshineonacloudyday · 11/09/2016 10:34

It's a trust issue the op has it might have started when she was young. She did post that she had a tough upbringing. She should not be friends with someone if they share very personal information about her she was the only person she told. She shouldn't feel threatened to walk away from the friendship in case she does gossip. Cafe she name changed how do you know it's her?