To not let exh back in my flat

[GettingScaredNow]

I'm not. But I'm coming under massive pressure here. And looking for a bit of encouragement I guess!

Back ground is he was a miserable narcissistic EA manipulative husband.
He threatened to kill me so I had him arrested and he hasn't been back in my flat since.
That was all 8 weeks ago.
He has had contact with DC, nothing is completely set yet as struggling to agree contact schedule.
He is supposed to be seeing ds today. He usually picks them up and takes them out somewhere. Park, soft play etc.
He won't take them to his flat share as he says it isn't clean, he has seen rats in the garden and he doesn't know the other tenants well enough.

So today it's raining. He is putting me under pressure to come and play with ds here.
Saying it's not fair that I have been away all week and now when he finally gets a chance to see his son he can't cos it's raining and I'm being selfish and stopping him seeing his kids.

I think I've gone above and beyond by giving him several examples of local free indoor stuff to do and said as long as his room is clean then I don't see the issue with ds going there.

Just venting I guess and also looking for someone to stop me breaking my resolve.

[ijustwannadance]

I remember your thread when you finally got rid of the loon.
DO NOT let him back in to your safe place.
Money/flat issues are not your problem. Lots of free stuff out there.

[WatchMeSoar]

Exactly what longtalljosie said, stay strong.

Is this the bastard who was bugging your house?

[KickAssAngel]

If he's working FT then he has the resources to pay for going swimming with his son. If he's spent all his money, that's his fault, not yours.

And if he asks more than once for something that isn't Ok, then just say "I told you no, the answer will not change. I will turn my phone off now because you have no right to keep asking". That's harassment. We let little kids pester because they haven't yet learned not to. Grown adults should know better. (And I bet he does. He wouldn't do that to someone at work)

[memyselfandaye]

Stay strong. He can clean the flat, tidy the garden, and he can start managing his money better so he can do things with them.

Or he can stop being a prick and use a contact centre.

Fuck him, your home is your safe place.

Stay strong.

[SabineUndine]

Sweetie, he's trying it on. There's no reason he can't use an umbrella or a waterproof, take the kids to the park and sit in a shelter while they play. Your flat is your space, and you shouldn't have to say 'no' more than once.

[Fanjolena]

Tell him to go and visit relatives for the day, his parents or other relatives if he has no parents. Don't let him in, he's trying to manipulate and wheedle his way back.

[Charley50]

Agree with everyone else. He's testing your boundaries and trying to get a foot back in the door. Be strong. (That first came out as 'be string' )

I made the mistake of letting my abusive ex in my home in the early days after we split. He became very abusive and threatening and I had to call the police again.

[Trifleorbust]

What is in his flat that he's so scared of being found out about?

[Aeroflotgirl]

No don't, either contact centre or not at all. With his history, don't let him, he might use it to wheedle his away back into your life. Keep his contact separate. He could use the library, shopping nall, but then MacDonald's etc, or contact centre.

[SharonfromEON]

No reason to even discuss with him...

I agree do not engage do not try and resolve his problems..He knows when he is having his child keep a tenner aside for when he sees them.. If he doesn't his problem...

Contact is on ....
I can't do anything it is raining, I am broke, I have a splinter....
Ok well see you next week.


I get the way it is tough to deal with..I remember going to mediation...I was fine it was about my DS then ..I only heard his voice and felt myself shrink.

Less contact with you the better.

One thing I realised..He wasn't interested in my opinion when we were together so now separated he definitely isn't.