to feel bullied over breastfeeding

[user1473451513]

I'm posting a letter I'm sending to my government representatives and was interested to hear others' views on it. I'm in Scotland so no sure how pertinent it is for other parts of the UK or indeed around the world. I want to point out from the offset I am not anti breastfeeding, I am anti bullying.

I write to express my concern, disappointment and upset with regards to a government instigated bullying campaign. This is an issue which has been at the forefront for some time now and causes much angst for all affected. It is the issue of breastfeeding.
I can assure you that I fully understand all the health benefits of breastfeeding, both physical and emotional and there is no doubting that breastfeeding is the healthier option. However, those who do not breastfeed their children are made to feel inferior and I feel that this is a deliberate government policy to create stigma.
When I was pregnant with my son, I was fully intending to breastfeed, I had listened to and read about all the benefits and how it was the best choice for me and my baby. It wasn’t until much later on I realised just how little information I had been given about formula feeding. At the antenatal classes, there was very little discussion around formula feeding and the general information given was something along the lines of ‘make sure your bottles are sterilised’. I also began to realise just how little space in the ‘Ready, Steady, Baby’ book was dedicated to formula feeding versus the wealth of space given over to breastfeeding.
As good as my intentions were, it simply was not to be. I had been trying my absolute best and had completely exhausted myself trying to make it a success. Although I was making every effort to make it work, my son did not take to the breast at all. He got upset and distressed and through this I got upset and distressed. It began to affect my mental health and it was at this point we decided that the best option for us was to switch to formula feeding.
I could not believe it when my health visitor at my six week check demanded to know exactly when I stopped breast feeding – I had to tell her how old my son was when I stopped. To the very day. I was made to feel completely incompetent and was told that I should be getting myself along to the breastfeeding cafes or getting help from the breastfeeding support worker. I did not want this. I wanted to stop breastfeeding but this seemed to be deemed the worst decision ever.
I finally realised today that there is a government ploy to force women into breastfeeding and it was the most innocuous of discussions that made this clear to me. After discussion with a very kind sales assistant in Boots Chemists, I enquired as to why I wasn’t getting Advantage Card points for the baby milk and she told me that it was a government directive to ‘encourage’ women to breastfeed. I don’t feel encouraged to breastfeed – I feel like I am not good enough because I am not breastfeeding my son. I am made to feel that I am missing out and my son is missing out too.
I can assure you my son is healthy, happy and growing well. He gets all the nourishment he needs from his formula milk. I have formed a strong, close bond with him which has developed without breastfeeding.
I know many women feel this way and are victimised for making the correct choices for themselves and their babies. However, it seems that the government wants to tell us what the correct choices are and enforce them upon us. Because of this brainwashing, I find it very difficult to speak out about my feelings as so many people – mums and non-mums alike have been conditioned to believe that breastfeeding is the only way to go and if you’re not exclusively feeding your child yourself then you are the worst mum ever.
In closing, I would like to understand why the government are anti-choice when it comes to the matter of breastfeeding and why mothers who choose not to breastfeed their children are made to feel inadequate. I would like to know why a healthy balance of pros and cons of both formula and breast feeding is absent from any government pregnancy propaganda. I would like to know why I have been made to feel like it would be impossible to speak my mind about the topic and why my free speech is being stifled.
I look forward to reading your response.
Yours sincerely

user1473451513
Proud Formula Feeding Mum

[glueandstick]

Perhaps I should have just said 'the support for all new mothers is shocking'

Because it is.

[SoupDragon]

I enquired as to why I wasn’t getting Advantage Card points for the baby milk and she told me that it was a government directive to ‘encourage’ women to breastfeed.

You realise that the Boots assistant was talking rubbish don't you? You might want to check your facts before firing off a letter to th government.

[CityMole]

I'm in Scotland too. I found the RSB baby book pretty well balanced. FF is pretty easy to master compared to breastfeeding, so I can understand why more space is given over to the various stages of BFing and troubleshooting for problems,. Also, as you admit, the health benefits of BFing are beyond doubt, so it's hardly surprising that Scotland - which has a comparatively awful health record and ( perhaps unconnected, perhaps not) the worst rates of BFing in Europe- is hoping that this bOok will help turn the head of even ONE mother.

Feeding was mentioned to me at my 24w appt. I expressed a willingness to try to be and my midwife was delighted but said not to worry if it doesn't work as it's dead hard and she FF her three kids.

I ended up on the ward post labour for a week for various reasons and of the 30, maybe more, women who passed through the whole ward in that week, I was the only breast feeder. The auxiliaries dropped off bottles of formula (with the attached teats) onto my table whenever they refreshed my water jug (every few hours ) because the expectation is that everybody Ffs. I was like an alien.

So I really do not buy your shite about this bullying being systemic. If it happened to your, then it is not representative.Thankfully I was able to think for myself and feed my baby the way I chose to, with milk from his own species, even though I was made to feel like an exotic creature for doing so and constantly reassured that it would be easier when I failed/ gave up and put him on the bottle.

[SherlockPotter]

The NHS will have more information on breastfeeding as the NHS does promote breastfeeding, studies have proven that breast is best however it doesn't mean it's best for everyone as not every woman can breastfeed and some women choose not to breastfeed - that's okay as that's best for them!

[SoupDragon]

And by the way, have you ever considered how the "promotion" of breastfeeding compares to the multi-billion pound formula industry? They spend millions on marketing and bombard the population with advertising every fucking day yet you are pissed off by a health organisation promoting the normal way to feed infants and they only have a tiny budget to do that promotion.

This.

[Cuppaand2biscuits]

The reason the government has such a huge interest in promoting breastfeeding is because it saves them lots of money. Breastfed babies require less courses of antibiotics and fewer hospital admissions. Mothers who breastfeed gain long term protection from breast cancer and ovarian cancer. The more bavies who are breastfed the more money is saved by the nhs.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/sep/09/low-uk-breastfeeding-rates-down-to-social-pressures-over-routine-and-sleep

HTH

[icclemunchy]

The balance is making it safely vs not making it safely.

And quite frankly the we use to do it this way and my baby is fine so it much be fine argument is bullshit.

My dad got hit by a car and didn't even get a scraped knee. So clearly ass the crossing the road safety advice should be ignored?!

[TopazBurns]

OhtheRoses so sorry to read of your experience. It's shameful that hardly anyone has acknowledged what you have written.

Yanbu OP, there's a lot of ire on here.

[Firsttimer82]

And by the way, have you ever considered how the "promotion" of breastfeeding compares to the multi-billion pound formula industry? They spend millions on marketing and bombard the population with advertising every fucking day yet you are pissed off by a health organisation promoting the normal way to feed infants and they only have a tiny budget to do that promotion.

yeah that.

[Drbint]

I don't understand why you wouldn't go to the support networks if you were willing to try everything to BF. Learning to BF can be tough, that's why these places are there.

Load of hysterical crap otherwise though.

[tiktok]

Feelings of disappointment, anger, sadness and guilt are not unusual when BF goes wrong. It's perfectly understandable that you wanted to BF, OP - in the Uk, almost 90 per cent of mothers want to. And it's not surprising that they experience a range of negative emotions if it does not go according to plan.
Nothing you outline in your post is bullying. It's possible that some of the hcps you have met have been less than fully sensitive to your feelings, but the feeding content in Ready Steady Baby is fine and appropriate and why should you get points on infant formula (worth a few pence at most) ?

The thing you should be cross about is the huge gaps in decent informed support for women who want to BF. Too many myths, criticism of women who feed in public, lack of training for hcps, lack of understanding about how BF works etc etc all combine to make it harder than it should be for too many women.

[Cosmiccreepers203]

And the replies just get worse.

A woman comes on to discuss frustration with post-party's experiences and gets a kicking from the rabid pro-BF crowd.

Great work all. slow claps

[TopazBurns]

Cuppa The reason the government has such a huge interest in promoting breastfeeding is because it saves them lots of money. Breastfed babies require less courses of antibiotics and fewer hospital admissions. Please can you provide a link to the relevant statistics.

[Cosmiccreepers203]

post-partum

[Onedaftmonkey]

Ffs give her a break. Breast is best. We all know it. But some can't. And are vilified for it. Chill the Fuck out. My bf neice is constantly sick weak and pasty faced. My formula fed neice robust and never Ill. Go figure! Life is a crazy game of chance. Stop with the hate . The biscuits and the shaming. Life is weird. Deal with it.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

I don't understand why you wouldn't go to the support networks if you were willing to try everything to BF. Learning to BF can be tough, that's why these places are there.

That's great, in areas where these support networks exist/are reasonably close by. In very rural areas, many new mums are left with zero community support for breastfeeding. Don't forget that many others are told they can't leave hospital until they've either "figured out" breastfeeding or given formula - and with everything we're told about nipple confusion and not even giving one bottle of formula, you can't blame people for thinking that's the point blank end of their breastfeeding journey.

[ToastyFingers]

I agree wholeheartedly with you OP.

For what it's worth, I BF dd1 till 18 months and dd2 is still going at 8 months BUT I spent many an hour crying over the pressure to choose breastfeeding whilst pregnant with dd1.

Honestly, the midwives acted as though I'd spat at them when I told them I intended to formula feed, and yet, I only know 2 other breastfeeding mothers in my (very small, gossipy) town.
They even wrote "mum intends to breastfeed" in my notes when I'd expressly said otherwise.
I looked at those notes and felt utter dread at the thought of being bullied into doing something that made me feel physically ill.

Now, as it happens, dd was born, went straight for the breast and fed well from day one (and refused every bottle offered to her, formula expressed milk or otherwise) and breastfeeding was the least of my worries however, I'll always remember that time when, at my most vulnerable, the professionals meant to take care of me made me feel utterly miserable and inadequate.

[SalemSaberhagen]

And by the way, have you ever considered how the "promotion" of breastfeeding compares to the multi-billion pound formula industry? They spend millions on marketing and bombard the population with advertising every fucking day yet you are pissed off by a health organisation promoting the normal way to feed infants and they only have a tiny budget to do that promotion.


This. With bells on.

[honeysucklejasmine]

I FF for medical reasons - I take medication which is dangerous to dd. I don't feel the least bit bullied. I don't feel guilty.

[SherlockPotter]

Cosmic my reply was to answer her first part of her paragraph about the lack of information about bottle feeding... But I can see your point! There's no need for it!

[BananaPie]

I think the real issue is that there's not enough support to help new mums breastfeed. The messaging that breast is best is there, but it's not always followed through with real life support. When breastfeeding was the norm / the only option, it was very rare for babies to fail to "take to the breast", mainly because women had seen their mothers, sisters, cousins etc breastfeed and benefitted from their experience. We don't have that anymore.

[toomanypasswords]

I live in southern England and around here, all of the breastfeeding support clinics with trained breastfeeding counsellors have now been shut due to government cuts. The only assistance is either from local mum volunteers or HVs, who (in my own experience) weren't that clued up about the issues surrounding breastfeeding and weren't sufficiently trained to provide adequate advice and support to new mother's. Bit of an own goal by the govt if they're on a drive to increase breastfeeding rates....

[Cosmiccreepers203]

She's not pissed off by a health organisation promoting in the 'normal' way. When you're failing to breast feed and your baby isn't gaining weight and you feel like you might die from tiredness/ guilt/ stress it is a bit much to have BF rammed down your throat over and over again.

I thought we'd sorted this out on another thread. It should be about good feeding support- any way you or that baby needs to feed. Fed is best. Healthy is best. Support needs to be universal, experienced, unbiased and non-judgemental ( that rules most of the commenters on this thread out).

I wish people would stop peddling that bollocks about outcomes for BF babies. It is total bullshit.

[DropYourSword]

Christ, what a pack of unempathetic twats who have answered here. I think some of the wording in your letter could be revised (brainwashing, bullying etc) but I can totally sympathise with where you're coming from.

As for coconutpies comment: If you have such an issue on the cost of artificial milk, then take it up with the formula companies who are ripping you off by selling you a product that your breasts can produce for free. And your PHN was right, you would most likely have succeeded in breastfeeding if you had access to the correct support.

How incredibly rude you. You do realise that sometimes breastfeeding just don't produce milk - mine bloody didn't make anywhere near enough even with medication to boost supply. I had access to all sorts of support, GP, midwife, lactation consultants, child health nurse, tongue tie specialists. I tried really fucking hard and still failed. Flippant statements like yours are completely dismissive of the hard work and struggles that some women go through to try (and fail to) succeed at breastfeeding. It's incredibly emotive to feel like you've failed your child when you can't even breastfeed them - I hope it makes you feel better to stick the knife in just that bit more.