To find this ignorant

[whistlingtea]

I have an unusual name (and I know the way things go on here: I'm not going to disclose it!) It isn't a foreign name (not that that should make any difference) or hard to pronounce. It just isn't one frequently heard.

New people have recently joined the company.

They can't (apparently) get it right and their way around this is to call me any name that sounds vaguely similar. The most common one they've come up with is a pop singer with a slightly tarnished reputation but I've also been called two names that are not even close to mine (almost like someone introducing themselves as Annabel and being called Rebecca - because they 'hear' it incorrectly they come up with nicknames that are weird) and I've heard them saying to clients 'just call her ...'

IT'S DRIVING ME FUCKING BANANAS.

My name has been a source of irritation all my life to be honest because people persist in using a very similar but still different one (think Isobel/Isabella) but this is beyond anything I've had before.

The worst thing is I really don't think they are intentionally being rude. They just genuinely seem incapable of getting it in their heads that not everyone is called Sarah or Clare or Becky or something.

There are no nicknames I can use that I'd want to.

AIBU, and what the hell can I do? I really don't want to spend the next however many months being referred to as a pop singer I don't even LIKE!

Oh and that link is brilliant btw.

Funnily enough the name I think it might be, which I won't put here, I knew a girl with that name who had a sister called Bryony, (which was used as an example further up).

It must just be so annoying OP. One of our neighbours is called Karina (I think) and it did take me ages to work out her name as I kept thinking it was Corinne or Corina or something, but I solved that by not calling her anything until I was sure. But at work they must see your name written down?

Persistent miss naming rather puts me in mind of Victorian households where " you will be Daisy from now on the tweeny is always called Daisy" or slave owners re naming slaves.

Sorry you are gong through this. Maybe pull them up and ask them if you are their possession to re name at will ?

Surely they are doing this purposely, which I'd consider bullying? No one can be so stupid that they can't copy the pronunciation of a word which has been repeatedly explained to them.

I'd be going to HR, especially when they're telling clients to call you something else.

I detest it when people cant be bothered to get someone's name right. I think it is a deliberate attempt to belittle. Why do I think this? Because almost every time I have seen someone do it it is clear that this is the reason.

Two examples:

Someone with a long not-from-UK name. "Oh that's far too hard to say, we call her Jane instead." Maya Angelou describes it as being "called out of your name" - when white people would decide to call a black person something other than their actual name because it was more convenient.

A man with an unusual name that you could first think was a more usual one. Say he was called Bryn but at first hearing you might make the mistake of thinking it was Brian. Someone who didn't like him who knew bloody well what his name was calling him Brian every time.

I do think sometimes though that if someone has a name that looks like an English name but actually has a foreign pronunciation, and people use the English pronunciation that's not so bad. An example would be, I suppose, a man called Jesus which is pronounced Hey-soos, would probably get called it in the English pronunciation (poss not a good example because of Jesus), which I don't think is getting the name wrong, just a pronunciation difference.

Anyway, YANBU, OP, they are being rude. I think they are trying to point out to you that you shouldn't have an unusual name, it is inconvenient for them to have to remember it, and that their convenience is more important than your feelings.

People spell my very common name (although spelt slightly uncommonly - cc istead of ck) which doesn't bother me tooooo much except when people reply to emails or something in which my name is bloody written. I mean fgs it's written right there. So annoying!

Make up your own names for them, and when they correct you, say "oh, I thought we all did that, just you then? Just to remind you, my OWN name is X, could you please use it thanks" [SMILE] And with a smile on your face and the all-important MN headtilt! !!

It is rude. I would correct them every single time, then add if they have a problem they can take it up with HR and they obviously need additional training or their hearing tested!
I have a bog standard name, spelt In an accepted but unusual way. People on my Facebook have sent me messages or written on my wall using the other spelling of my name. My name IS my Facebook name! Idiots!.
I also hate people calling me a certain nickname, especially when I've just met them. Good luck and don't back down

I'm guessing your name is Ishbel which is lovely... As is Tessa mentioned above.

"You should post this in the baby name section to warn all those parents looking for "something unusual" for their DC grin"

Or better still in parenting as a warning about bringing up kids who are immature and silly, or tease, bully or are disrespectful about people's names .

I think i would say it is very rude to pretend that you cannot pronounce someone's name. In fact it could be consjdered bullying in the workplace.Im sure you dont intend your jokes to feel like that so i suggest you stop doing jt and we wont have to escalate this.

^this

My name is something like Carolyn, in an example above. If someone calls me Caroline and I correct them, they look at me as if I am being unnecessarily picky. I know that Caroline is a more common name but it's not my name.

I think they are being intentionally rude. They have recently joined the company and are bonding with each other through making up their own private jokes - unfortunately they have latched on to your name as one of them.
I might be inclined to completely ignore them calling by the wrong name as they probably enjoy getting a reaction. Just don't answer them if they call you by the wrong name.
As for telling clients to call you X, Y or Z, that is completely unprofessional. I think that should be mentioned to a manager.

I know it's not the same but I totally get why it's upsetting you. My surname gets spelt wrong every time it's asked for and its drives me up the wall I hate it. Could you not write your name on a piece of paper quite big then underneath write it how you say it. Photocopy them then each time they get it wrong hand them one.

Rhian??

Use different names for the offenders definitely but also when you hear them telling a client to call you the wrong name you need to interrupt immediately, ignore colleague completely, shake hands with client and say "I'm so sorry, some of my colleagues are extremely rude to give you the wrong name, how embarrassing that would be for you! My name is X" and don't acknowledge the colleague at all. Not even a sideways glance. Just continue talking with client. Keep doing this.

I totally get you. I get called random names beginning with the same letter as if that's close and will do!

I too think you should post in the parenting board.

I had this with my maiden name, even though it is a very common name, for some reason someone started calling me another common, but similar, name.
I got a little plaque thing made up at a cobbler's and put it on my desk so everyone would see the spelling. Someone asked me if management were giving out plaques now and I said I'd brought it from my previous job (felt a bit weird otherwise).
I corrected people and it gradually stopped.

I hated it though, very demeaning. Who likes being called "X, or whatever her name is" grrrr

People are ignorant but I do confess to struggling with anything that's not John or Jane - sorry I just do. My son can reel off a tonne of names I've never even heard of but I don't know many with unusual names. That said my maiden surname is one hell of a spelling!

I would write a very light hearted sweet email to everyone and include Managers in the cc. Explain how you know your name is different but you still need it pronounced properly so here it is phonetically spelled. If people are not doing it maliciously then they won't take offence. I would be glad of the email tbh.

I have a really common name with about 8 spellings. People get it wrong all the time. Even when they've written it the right way in my email!

I have learnt not to care. I might be a bit more annoyed if they were getting my whole name wrong.

Send them a link to a pronounciation thing saying your name correctly.

I can see that it can be irritating, do you think they do it as a 'bullying tactic' or is it just plain ignorance?

I have a foreign name that sounds a bit like a (not so common) English name, and loads of people can't or can't be bothered to pronounce it correctly. I have heard a variety of variant, some quite entertaining. To top it all, my name is a man's name in Spanish speaking countries. Truth is, I have never let it irritate me, ever, I just block it out.

If it irritates you just say it, firmly, as in 'I know that my name is a bit different, this is how it's pronounced. Do you mind not calling me (whatever they have called you.)

A woman I worked with has an unusual name, i had never heard it before, lots of people just decided it was pronounced however they wanted it to be. She sent a group email round the office saying pretty much 'FYI my name is pronounced 'phonetic pronunciation'. Please could you try and use it as such. Let me know if you need me to pronounce it in person with you.' I am pretty sure people still pronounce it incorrectly but at least they may have tried. The printing it out idea is good or jen's is good, embarrassing them in front of colleagues.

I know it's really tempting, but why do people keep trying to guess the name when the Op obviously wants the thread to be anonymous and for it not to show up

I can see why this is upsetting; no name is that difficult to get right if you actually try. As an ongoing thing it does verge on bullying, so I don't think feeling miserable among people who continually do this is an overreaction. This is an attempt to belittle. It's classic:

Ex-boyfriend : What's your new boyfriend's name?
Woman: Clyde
Ex-boyfriend: and how is Clive?

I worked with a woman with a foreign name that was spelled almost entirely differently to how we would pronounce it in English. We mostly all took the time to ask her and get it right, except a few people who were always "K - er - whatever her name is" until she adopted an English nickname to make life easier for those people. She had a beautiful name. It's like exercising a form of control over something you don't 'get'.

I was in a situation once where I said my name to a receptionist "Katya Hall" to be met with the response "Clare Higgs?" Because she found that name first. Baffling.

20+ years ago, I was told about a boss at work whose name was "far too difficult for the workforce to pronounce", so they called him Anton.

His real name was Antoine.

How difficult is it, really? And why would a boss put up with it? He almost fell over with shock when I addressed him correctly the first time I saw him because he's been told for so long that his name was unpronounceable outside France.

My daughter is called Amy, short and sweet, impossible to get wrong! My name, first and last, is long and complicated.

Amy's boss contacted her on Facebook and called her Aimee