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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my therapist telling his colleague about me?

37 replies

Tartanstatin · 07/09/2016 04:16

We have a local private therapy practice where we live in London. For a while DH saw a therapist there, let's call him Dr Jones.

I decided a few weeks ago that I might benefit from some therapy so signed up to see one of the other therapists there - let's call him Dr Smith. I told DH I was going as I am using family money to pay for it and DH agreed to it and said it was a good idea.

During my first session with Dr Smith he asked how I had heard of them and I told him that my DH used to see Dr Jones. My sessions turned quite serious with lots of conversation about DH and how his addiction problems affect me, including details of our sex life and some really private feelings about our marriage that I have harboured and not yet expressed to anyone except Dr smith.

Fast forward to today and DH bumps into Dr Jones in the street (where we live is like a village in London) and has a polite chat. While making conversation, DH says "my DW came to see another therapist at your practice," and Dr Jones apparently says "yes I know, he (my therapist) told me."

AIBU to find this a bit uncomfortable and unprofessional? That my therapist told DH's therapist that he was seeing the wife of the guy that he used to see?

OP posts:
NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 07/09/2016 04:34

I think slightly unreasonable. Dr Smith would presumably have found out about your DH's visits to Dr Jones when your appointment was booked, and could reasonably have asked Dr Jones if you'd ever joined or sat in on any of your DHs sessions.

It doesn't mean your care is being discussed, and it's not as though Dr Jones walked up to your DH and announced 'my colleague saw your wife the other day' which would be a huge breach, your DH brought the topic up.

If it bothers you, mention it in your next session and say you aren't comfortable with the thought that you've been discussed; or call up and explain you won't be returning to see Dr Smith (if that's the case) and explain why.

WaxyBean · 07/09/2016 05:06

I don't see the issue -your DH volunteered the information, dr Jones confirmed it. There is no suggestion that details of your conversations were shared between dr Jones and dr smith, and in any case none of the content was passed back to your DH.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/09/2016 05:12

I wouldn't imagine details would be shared between the two therapists as everything said in sessions is strictly confidential (unless you are at risk of harming yourself or others). Had your husband not informed Mr Jones he knew you were seeing Mr Smith, it would have been highly unprofessional of Mr Jones to tell your husband. However, your husband brought up the subject. I really don't think this is something of concern and I would discuss it with your therapist in your next session.

ThisIsNotARealAvo · 07/09/2016 05:15

Therapists do talk about their clients s they have a supervisor - not a line manager but another therapist who they discuss their work with. It's a way to moderate their work and ensure consistency across the profession. It could be that one of these supervises the other. What should not be happening is talking about it in the street though.

Trifleorbust · 07/09/2016 05:16

YABU: the two therapists will have professional conversations about patients, including names etc. If nothing else, they are working in the same business so may well have lots of discussions about invoices etc. It isn't the same as sharing details about your case.

TheDowagerCuntess · 07/09/2016 05:24

They will all know who's on their client list, but that should never mean they're sharing the contents of the (confidential) discussions.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/09/2016 05:52

I don't think there's a problem with the two therapists speaking - they may use each other as professional support unless you had been assured nothing would be shared even within the practice. But Dr. Jones should not have confirmed that you were seeing Dr. Smith - that is a significant breach of confidentiality.

Scarydinosaurs · 07/09/2016 06:05

Your DH brought it up. I can't see the problem, it is inevitable if they share a surgery to tell each other- especially to avoid conflict of interest if your DH's therapist was ever to ask the other for advice on his patient (or vice versa)

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 07/09/2016 06:18

Dr Jones shouldn't have confirmed that you were seeing Dr Smith. It could have been that you hasn't told your dh and he suspected and was fishing for information.

Dr Jones will likely discuss your sessions with another therapist as supervision though. That is good practice.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 07/09/2016 06:19

Definitely raise it at your next session. Talking about your relationship with the therapist can provide lots of insight.

1frenchfoodie · 07/09/2016 06:25

Since your DH was the one to state that you'd been seeing somebody else at the practice then I don't see the problem (he did state after all, not really fishing) It doesn't mean the therepists were discussing either case.

acasualobserver · 07/09/2016 06:41

I don't think there's anything to be worried about here but I can understand why you are. Remember that you're in charge (and paying) so if you feel uncomfortable consider a completely different practice.

rockyroad3 · 07/09/2016 06:52

*Dr Jones shouldn't have confirmed that you were seeing Dr Smith. It could have been that you hasn't told your dh and he suspected and was fishing for information.

Dr Jones will likely discuss your sessions with another therapist as supervision though. That is good practice.*

^This. He should not have confirmed that he was aware of this.

Dr Jones will be discussing your sessions, but your name/any identifying situations should not be used. I would say something to Dr Jones actually.

Amelie10 · 07/09/2016 06:55

Yabu, way to make a big deal over nothing! He didn't give your DH a blow by blow account of your session, he just confirmed information that your DH already volunteered.

Amelie10 · 07/09/2016 06:56

Yabu, way to make a big deal over nothing! He didn't give your DH a blow by blow account of your session, he just confirmed information that your DH already volunteered.

FruitCider · 07/09/2016 06:56

Yes, it's called clinical supervision and it is normal. It's not always anonymised like what you see on The Sopranos!

fastdaytears · 07/09/2016 06:59

If this is so uncomfortable for you then I think a different practice would be better. I can't imagine how therapists working in the same practice wouldn't know who each other has as clients.

fastdaytears · 07/09/2016 07:01

Yes, it's called clinical supervision and it is normal. It's not always anonymised like what you see on The Sopranos!

I'm not disagreeing, it's a genuine question, would a therapist whose client is the husband be able to provide supervision for a therapist whose client is the wife? How can they forget what they heard about the other client?

I would find that really hard!

MissMargie · 07/09/2016 07:04

I would have thought therapist would inform you if your case is being discussed. I wouldn't have gone to a therapist who was 'supervised' by one treating my husband. He should have told you if that was the case.
I thought confidential meant told to no one or at least not without consent, I would my go back to him - the flippant responses on here surprise me. In future I will confirm that anything I say to the therapist goes no further .

MissMargie · 07/09/2016 07:05

I would not go back to him

HeteronormativeHaybales · 07/09/2016 07:10

YABU. It is extremely unlikely that any details beyond this bare fact will have been shared (and that would be a breach of confidentiality if it did happen, but almost all therapists take confidentiality extremely seriously). The situation might have been as simple as Dr Smith remarking on a shared name on the client list and Dr Jones saying 'oh yes, that must be Mr X's DW'.

ShiroiKoibito · 07/09/2016 07:10

it's OK for him to talk to other professionals but definitely not to discuss with your dh at all in any way

Oblomov16 · 07/09/2016 07:10

Initially I thought YABU.
And then I read rocky roads post. It is true, neither your therapist or your dh's therapist know for sure that you've even told your dh you are having consultations.

I thought, if asked, a 'no comment' type response is the norm.

Thus, this is very unprofessional.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 07/09/2016 07:11

(And I should think all the therapists at the practice are likely to use outside supervision instead of/as well as one another)

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 07/09/2016 07:22

Mmmm, I don't know the details of clinical practice - but yanbu to feel uncomfortable about being 'discussed' by your therapist and your husband's therapist - when you shared such personal stuff.

But maybe he's just aware of the clients, and not the details? I would have thought there was a slight conflict of interest with Dr Jones discussing Dr Smiths patient in this scenario.

It may be that he was just aware of your appointments, OP.