To realise that joining Mumsnet is quite scary

[Choosparp]

..and seems to involve lots of "in jokes" and acronyms that newbies won't get. I was active 10 years ago when DS1 was born, then left for ages because I had another baby then my husband died. Coming back this last few weeks for support of my SEN DS2 (see! I get the lingo still!) I feel like an outsider. I'm 43, widowed, remarried, have a successful job. SEN channel has been fab, but I don't think I will join the main threads. SN is fab. Other threads seem to be so mean in places. Why are we narking at each other? FFS.

"I don't think I will join the main threads" so joined the one with the terrible reputation? And joined with a thread saying "I don't like it" ?

No Livia grabs popcorn is just waiting for it to kick off. And insinuating that you are looking forward to it. Nothing to do with robust replies.

I've taken the point and won't post again in AIBU. I thought Mumsnet (as I first knew it) was a support network, but it seems to have been reduced to bitching. I came to talk on the SEN page and have had fab help. It's fine, I will steer clear of AIBU for evermore, but think about other parents coming in.

Comment from above: "You do realise you posted in AIBU? Not known to be the gentlest of places..."

Nice. Nice welcome to vulnerable parents with issues they need help with. Join the boxing match.

I'll stick with SEN as the advice I've had there has been helpful. Steering clear of chat and the dreaded AIBU. What an effing nightmare of arguments.

That's because it's always going to kick off if you start a thread complaining about how nasty everyone is. Not sure why that's so difficult to get your head round?

If you had started a thread just about re-joining etc then there would have been no problem.

It was a much nicer place before AIBU but times change. Glad you find other parts of the site helpful.

Chat is fine, nothing scary there.
Just very occasionally a chat thread seems to go the AIBU way. But not often.

And it was me that commented about it not being the gentlest of places because that is true. Lots of people hide AIBU. That is just a fact, it's a contentious board

Although apparently baby names kicks off too

Stop repeating you have talked to posters on the SEN pages. Doesn't make your post any less tempting fir the more aggressive poster.

I was in AIBU in the early days nearly 10 years ago. The aggression, the defensiveness. I feel like if I post on Mumsnet now I am going to be blasted down.

Some of you have been fab, thank you. I love the support I get on some parts of MN (SN particularly) but in chat and other channels you are likely to get blasted out and bullied for your opinions. Doesn't seem fair.

And yes, I expect to be bullied for my post. Bring it on.

But op didn't say anyone was nasty? They said posts were mean in places. Which they are! And why are posters getting at each other?
Don't see how that is a bad thing. I obviously saw it a different way.

This isn't bullying - this is some people disagreeing with your opinion.

And yes, I expect to be bullied for my post. Bring it on

I think if you want an argument you might actually post about something controversial, opposed to a rather bland sweeping statement about the 9 million individuals who are on this site each month. On the other hand maybe you're just a GF.

And you will only be 'blasted down' if you post something that annoys people, iyswim. This IS goady so you will get people telling you that.

I don't really understand where you're coming from, tbh, op.

You've spoken to some lovely people on the SN board. Great. Why then did you stick your head into AIBU to inform everyone else that you wouldn't be posting here, because everyone is bitchy and non supportive?
What sort of response were you after?

Steering clear of chat and the dreaded AIBU. Why broadcast the fact? Who would notice?

Yep, baby names and toilet cleaning and ironing. And for god's sake don't say you get up and make your husband a sandwich before he goes to work! Apparently that is the worst thing you can do.

Sorry to hear you have been widowed

And dogs, parking, child free weddings, shoes on or off in the house....

They are the gifts that keep on giving

But the "bring it on" bit??

A bit silly, if I'm honest. It's like saying "I WANT A FIGHT. COME ON THEN."

Don't know why your steering clear of chat... The only time it really gets overly heated on there is when the op has been too chicken to post on aibu. I've seen some incredibly interesting posts on there.

I have to say you mention attitudes not being very nice etc, but in turn its not particularly nice to start a thread just to tell everyone on AIBU that you think they are horrible and not in the spirit of Mumsnet of yore, is it? So you see why you might have rubbed people's backs up the wrong way a bit. New mumsnetters who are in vulnerable situations can choose to do just what you do with the SN board - find the bit they like and that suits them. It's not compulsory for people to post in AIBU so they are free to choose not to.

Livia Don't forget cat poo in the garden!

Orange Oh god yes! And cats on worktops 😂

I get that Livia, but I came here for support, and have got it in various other threads. The AIBU thread is clearly not for me so I need to back out. I hope other parents who come to this site aren't put off by the clique-y atmosphere. I posted as a returned newbie to MN - it was a fab help to me when DS1 was born. Didn't have time to post when DS2 was born as DH got diagnosed with leukemia, had 3 months of treatment then died. 3.5 years ago.
From my POV there seems to be an army of Mumsnetters who rail on anyone new who dares to criticise. To me it feels like a closed community. I will stick around for the fab SN support (for my little one who has just started school) but will back out of everything else.

OMG the rage on this post! I'm just suggesting that if you don't know where to start on MN you can get blasted out of the water. Wow.