to get wound up by new mum...

[Idratherbeaunicorn]

I am pregnant with my 1st child (due Jan 2017) - a friend has recently had a baby (3 and a bit months ago) - every time I see them I seem to get bombarded with unwanted "advice" including (but not limited to):
"Oooh get your sleep in now, you wont sleep when they get here"
"You really need to be saving your money now"
"You need to tell work that your expecting" (Duhhhh - they already know)
etc etc
Maybe IABU, pregnancy has made me less tolerant of people in general (!!), but I just find it rude and insulting. Believe it or not, Im a fully functioning adult and I am not stupid. I have several nieces and nephews and god children - I KNOW what to expect, I havent got my head in the clouds....
AIBU??

Oh god, I got fed up with the constant advice when pg.

But you know what? It's fucking hard work.

No advice there.

OP I totally understand you didn't mean it to sound so stubborn, but maybe if your friend knew you were offended she'd say she didn't mean it to sound so patronising? If she's got a 3 month old she's probably sleep deprived, stressed, feeling insecure and struggling to string a sentence together (or at least that's how I was when DS was 3 months old), so I'd be tempted to cut her some slack and give her the benefit of doubt

Either give them the FO stare, or say, "So kind of you to take an interest, but I've got all the obvious basics covered. Hey, have you seen the new episode of [TV Show]?" Annnd change the subject.

i'd guess she's just anxious and patronising you is her way of dealing with it. nod, smile and change subject? if you can.... you are def not being unreasonable to be bloody annoyed by it tho!! The get loads of sleep thing is so crap.... like if it worked that then yeah great but sadly it doesnt. keep as fit as you can and try not to over eat thats my advice... haha shit now I've started!! ;-)

Don't all kill me but I feel slightly sorry for your friend haha Am I the only one????? I'm not just being devils advocate. She has just had her FIRST baby.... probably the biggest thing and most emotional thing that has ever happened to her EVER!! Your her friend, she loves you, she probably can’t shut up talking about her experience and what she has gone through..... it is soooooooo nice to talk to someone who hasn't gone through it cos when you speak to your mum, sister aunt blah blah blah they have been there done that and forgotten it all really..... and these people can make you feel like you don't know what you’re doing and that you’re doing it all wrong. My advice would be to smile and nod…. Let her waffle on and let it go in one ear and out the other. She is probably talking for her as much as you. Also when your child does come along it doesn’t matter how many nieces and nephews you have, nothing is the same as your own child…. If something goes wrong you can’t hand your own kid back etc And some little snippet of wisdom she passed on to you might pop into your head and save the day. All children are different and I truly think most of what people advise worked for their kid and doesn’t work for yours…. Your find your own shortcuts and life saving ideas…. But when you’re up at 3am sat in the dark feeding your baby with most people asleep, scrolling through facebook for something to keep you awake and no one to interact with I guarantee the excitement you feel when said friend comes on line will amaze you!
Congratulations and good luck to you in January!! My LG was a jan baby (09/01/14) I got very bored with being told “you should sit in you need to get out with the baby”…. Mmmmmm it pissed down for 6 weeks solid and I don't drive so that’s why I’m sat on my arse in doors all day… but who cares I was getting to know my daughter and my new self :O)

Pregnancy made me less tolerent of other people...having a child made me even less tolerent....I'm hoping at some point I will find my patience with others again. My theory is that you use all your patience up on dc so there is none left for anyone else!

I found this irritating.
When my child was born I was shocked that it wasn't hell on earth, that I was happy and he slept. I thought I was supposed to b on my knees because 'it's not the same as nannying' , 'you don't know tired until you have a baby of your own' people enjoy thinking they know something you don't.

We're not all like that.

Other than my own relatives, I am not interested in anyone's pregnancies or kids really.

I KNOW what to expect

I have to say it. I have to.

You so don't [sniggers and runs]

You will also get the lengthy tales from mums recounting their horror birth stories towards the end of your pregnancy and when the baby arrives, the "Well wait til you have your second child.." remarks.

In my short (5 week) experience childbirth and life with a newborn is so completely not what I expected that I think I'd find it hard to talk to a pregnant friend without resorting to jokes or platitudes.

sunnybanker as per my other comments - I didn't mean for my "I KNOW what to expect" to come across quite so stubborn... What I meant was, I'm not silly, I know it's going to be hard/tiring/expensive. I know that being an Aunty / godmother is completely different to actually being a mum. But I'm not stupid, and the frustration comes from being given "advice" that makes me feel like the person giving advice thinks I'm a moron...

A guy at work told me not to stay too long in front of the photocopier, or I might get twins : )

I don't think the advice ever stops, you just get better at ignoring it. Good luck.

Sleep when baby sleeps and don't wean til 6 months......I listened to the latter but sadly I didn't have a self-cleaning house so slept (actually no I never slept!) occasionally....
?

Unsolicited advice from anyone drove me crazy when I was expecting DD1. I accept that the hormones probably made irrationally angry but it was still annoying. I avoided my bf for ages because all I'd get was advice (her DS is 3 years older than my DD). Tbh I avoided most people. I had the rage. YANBU. Who cares if it is meant well? You don't need to be told how tired you'll be. Embrace the rage. I'm expecting DD2 in a few weeks and I'm forever being told "oooh you thought one was hard.....". Kindly STFU, I didn't ask.

The rational part of me thinks your friend is excited about sharing her new experience with you. The crazy pregnant lady part of me wants to hit your friend on your behalf.

I hate to tell you but there's a whole new world of useless advice/interfering/judgement out there waiting for you. There is something about a pregnant woman/mum with newborn baby that just trips off verbal diarrhoea from people, and it stops around 18!!!

My favourite piece of advice came from Mumsnet and made me chuckle "sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, vacuum when the baby vacuums".

My xmil told me not to eat spaghetti when pregnant because it might strangle the baby. This was the most insane of her gems of wisdom. I can't remember if she ever gave me any sensible advice. Thankfully, ds survived my spaghetti eating antics.

I'm pregnant with my third now and nobody says a word . Found I still got lots of comments with my second though

I work with a newbie like this, she wants to share her wealth of parenting knowledge to me. Her daughter is nine months old, my DC are 12 and 7! I just walk off and console myself that she's on a temporary contact 😊

Another method to ward stop the banal advice dead in its tracks is humour. Awful awful humour but it will make them shut up.
Example: "I'm sorry I'm not paying any attention to what you're saying, I'm far too hungover" - always a good one.

Ward stop? Sorry, my hangover is shocking today I can't even write. Right, where's that baby of mine..