To not write the note

[MrsFarm]

My dd (15) has been given an assignment in one of her classes to record a piece about herself at home (voice recording she can do with her phone and email to teacher) and take some photo's (she has no problem with taking selfies) and email to the teacher - then during school hours they use the computer room to edit the recordings and photos into a slide show (its not for a computer class - its for French)

She has asked me for a note to excuse her from this as she is too nervous to do this infront of her class mates...Even when i reminded her that EVERYONE is doing it and the recording and picture taking takes place at home she got very upset at the thought of it and begging me to write the note.

Only very recently she has had 2 episodes of "anxiety" attacks. The first one was when she was chosen to sing for a higher class's graduation and she had this "anxiety attack" the day before. (she is awonderful singer, but is not very confident and would rarely even sing infront of me - I suspect her music teacher picked her to do this to boost her confidence) and subsequently told her teacher that she would be unable to sing at the graduation.

The reason I have the word anxiety in " " is because she never experienced anything like it before - but her best friend does suffer from anxiety so at the time - i did think it was a bit

The next time was when she was heading off to a fesitval in a different town - she has been going to this since she was a small child as it happens in a town where her father and family live. She got very nervous about going, but still insisted on going, I got her rescue remedy as I thought that this might help her relax - but she was very bad, hyperventilating and feeling ill. I didn't want her to go there, but she insisted and said she would be fine when she got there. She couldn't explain why she was feeling this way as she had been so excited to go there and referred to it as the "social event of the year" - she went eventually and enjoyed her time there.

Now this!! She was getting visably upset at the prospect of showing this slideshow in front of her class...

Is this something i should be concerned about - anxiety wise? or should I just tell her to grow a pair and its not a big deal.

Would you write a note to get her out of this assignment?

I would probably not write the note but i'd take some time to explore the anxiety and what may be wrong. I don't think it would be helping her to write the note because if I've understood this properly she is actually recording at home, alone and not in front of people

I don't know what she's like....but generally, being nervous isn't an excuse for getting out of presentations and it's an important skill for life - to be able to be nervous but still give a good presentation. Lots of practice beforehand is the key, and afterwards she will feel more confident about the next one.

Do the pictures have to be selfies - would pictures of home/pets/favourite things etc be an alternative?

Oh the pictures don't have to be selfies - i'm not sure if she has to actually be in them or not.

I am keeping an eye on this anxiety thing alright as I did get worried after the last episode - one more like it and I will be taking her to the doctor.

She has been going through alot with her Dad lately - but she seemed to be dealing with it fine and I do speak to her alot about it and she always seems fine about it all.

Many people dislike speaking in front of groups. It should be something the teacher is sympathetic to, and in the past I know of kids who done the presentation at an alternate time to an empty room (well except for the teacher).

afaik she wont be speaking in front of her class - she will be pre-recording it at home and then putting it together with the pictures in a slide show that will be shown in class.

My DS has high anxiety and doesn't like public speaking so many times his school has allowed him to make videos of himself doing his presentation that are then shown in class. Video making is one of his special interests as he has ASD so we've found it a great workaround to get him to engage with class work.

I'd be wary that there aren't any deeper issues here - will there be competing between the kids? Could she be being bullied over something that might be in the presentation? Is she very image conscious?

I think you definitely need to get her to explain exactly what she is anxious about. If she can't verbalise what it is then you can't write a note for her as she could then go on to be 'anxious' about any assignment. If there is a genuine concern then I'm sure you'd be able to support her to find a workaround.

Try to boost her confidence in some way - maybe a personal story? DS' teacher told his class that it's normal to be nervous and that she fainted when she did her masters degree speech.

It sounds like a significant piece of work that she really ought to do.

You could compromise on a note telling the teacher how anxious she's feeling about the assignment and how it would help enormously if hers happened to be left to the end to be shown and hey would you look at that the bell's gone.

I was an anxious teenager. Being able to get out of things altogether did me no favours, but compromising and making them manageable is what's known as Life Skills.

I'd talk to her about it, ad nauseum if necessary. Help her work out what she is comfortable with, find coping strategies. But I wouldn't write a note to get her out of it. She's too old for that.