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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have refused to go on a course on DS's birthday

80 replies

MamaGrr · 02/02/2007 10:21

Work want me to go on a course in London on DS's 3rd birthday - 9.00am until 5.30pm and I live in Cumbria!

I have refused to go.

I don't actually think I'm being unreasonable, although my boss did a face but I really wnated to post a thread in this subject

OP posts:
hana · 02/02/2007 10:23

I've always had to work on dd1s birthday and I've never thought not to.
think it's a bit odd that you have refused to go

Original poster
MamaGrr · 02/02/2007 10:24

I would have to travel down the night before and wouldn't get home until midnight !

OP posts:
dejags · 02/02/2007 10:25

totally agree with you MamaGrr.

There is no way I'd travel away on one of DC's birthdays. I usually put in a for days' leave on their birthday.

hana · 02/02/2007 10:25

well you didn't say that iin your first post!
but still, well, I think I'd work and celebrate the bday later. you won't be home for all of them wouyld you?

ledodgy · 02/02/2007 10:26

Yeah it's not just a normal day at work is it? It would mean mamag wouldn't see her son at all on his Birthday. I can understand why you said no!

hana · 02/02/2007 10:26

really? even if thye are school age? had never occured to me to do this - but couldn't as well as am teacher

Original poster
MamaGrr · 02/02/2007 10:28

Sorry hana

I will work, but will be home for 5.00pm - I just couldn't NOT see him at all.

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 02/02/2007 10:29

I'd do the same if it meant not seeing my child at all on their birthday.

Imafairy · 02/02/2007 10:30

I'd do the same....

dejags · 02/02/2007 10:30

for me it's like xmas and easter. I look forward to the birthday's in our house like mad.

only 4 days a year (depending if they fall on a weekend) so not such a burden on my leave entitlement. DH does the same.

Original poster
MamaGrr · 02/02/2007 10:32

s'funny dejags, I was considering taking a day's holiday on his birthday - I didn't last year and regretted it, but I don't get much holiday entitlement as I am part time and we get the Tuesdays after bank holidays off and have to tkae those days from our annual entitlement.

Hmm

Might call in sick

OP posts:
Caligula · 02/02/2007 10:34

I think it's a little unreasonable tbh.

Unless the course can be very easily arranged for another day.

If it was your DS's first birthday, fair enough. But after the first, birthdays are just a part of life and shouldn't necessarily take priority over work unless it's a really special big one like your parent's seventieth or something like that.

Just my opinion, I wouldn't go to the barricades about it. Enjoy your DS's birthday.

EmmyLou · 02/02/2007 10:34

If I'm really really honest, I'd try not to go either (if I worked, that is...)

but

would expect my DH to go if it were him.

Isn't that awful of me?

Original poster
MamaGrr · 02/02/2007 10:35

Well, the same course runs later in the year and I've said I'll do it then - TBH I think it will be a BIT of a waste of time anyway

OP posts:
dmo · 02/02/2007 10:42

i've booked the day off for my nieces first birthday

my boys are 9 and 10 i'm so lucky that they are summer babies so are off school on their birthdays wouldnt send them to school on their birthday
dh and i are always off on their birthdays and we go out for the day or were abroad

Hulababy · 02/02/2007 10:42

If you can do the course at another time, then I can't see what the problem is TBH. Not unreasonable to want to be home on time any night, let alone on your little one's birthday!

I have only had to work once on DD's birthday so far - her third also. Couldn't take day off as I was a teacher at the time. So, as she knew no better, me "moved" her birthday to the day before - my day off and DH had day off also, and we wnet out as a family together for the day. She's had her party at the weekend anyway, so was a bit clueless regarding what day was what anyway. DD was at PILs the day I worked, her real birthday, and I made them promise to not tell her!

Hulababy · 02/02/2007 10:43

DD's birthday is normally in the Eater holidays fortunately.

DrunkenSailor · 02/02/2007 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blu · 02/02/2007 10:49

If it was an important course I would be pretty unimpressed if a member of my staff refused to go because of a child's birthday. But if it was 'take it or leave it' and easily re-arranged without disruption to the organisation I would be flexible about it. Also - does it contribute to your professional debvelopment?

And Emmylou's pov does kind of demonstrate a little why women don't always progress as fast as men in their careers.
Work / life balance and all that - i am an extremely supportive employer, but children have to go to school on b'days, we work on b'days...where does it stop?

Original poster
MamaGrr · 02/02/2007 11:26

[scared of blu emoticon]

My immediate boss is a bit of a cock tbh, the boss above her was absolutely fine about it, he said "oh no problem, yes go on the later one"

its my immediate boss who -ed

OP posts:
EmmyLou · 02/02/2007 13:19

Just to defend my rather flaky pov: my DH runs his own business, is abroad for months on end and has missed far more birthdays of our 3 DDs than he has seen. Because of this, I feel it is my job to put the children first, be there on birthdays etc. Think I would prob feel differently when back at work in a job I valued - or if I knew DH was around.

northerner · 02/02/2007 13:21

I do the same, in fact I did lasy year!

decafskinnylatte · 02/02/2007 13:25

Not at all unreasonable. I always take my dc's birthdays as holiday. I'd just be firm about it but impress on my boss how keen I am to attend the later course (ds's third birthday will only happen once after all)

piglit · 02/02/2007 13:25

MamaGrr - you did what you think is right for you and your ds. I think you were absolutely right - I would hate to be away from my dses for their whole birthday and I know they would hate me being away. Some people think birthdays are important, some people don't - that's just the way it is. I always make a fuss of my family and friends on their birthdays.

Pennies · 02/02/2007 13:30

dmo - if your kids had birthdays in term time, why wouldn't you send them to school on their birthdays?

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