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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to consider killing DH?

142 replies

AWishAndADream · 05/09/2016 22:03

DH has a chocolate obsession. We've been together 4 years and I've never not know him go a day without eating it. He really doesn't care what kind, he'll eat it if it's chocolate.

It's one of the most annoying things about him because when he wants it he will eat whatever he can find, even if it's mine or DDs.

I've tried several things to keep chocolate to myself as I don't eat it everyday and neither does DD; a tin that all the chocolate in is mine and DDs which he's not allowed to touch or eat, setting an allowance for chocolate weekly within our budget which he always spends, and even buying a limited amount of chocolate each day and giving him that. Nothing works.

So we made the rule that he could eat anything available in the supermarket locally but he had to replace it, including going to the shop and buying it himself out of his own money. This seemed to be working.

Until today.

A friend of my mums has just come back from Florida and she went to Harry Potter World. I hardly know the woman but she brought back a chocolate frog for my daughter, which I was extremely grateful as I wasn't expecting it. I was given it after my DD was in bed so put the frog in the cupboard to be given to her tomorrow and the next day and the next day after that and the next day after that. I told DH it was DDs and he was not to eat it.

Guess what he's gone and eaten? The chocolate frog. Grr

I'm gutted, apparently we had no other chocolate in and he didn't want to wake DD to go to the shop to get some. I was working until 9.15pm (home at 9.30).

AIBU to kill him and his chocolate obsession once and for all?

OP posts:

honeysucklejasmine · 06/09/2016 00:03

AnotherEmma quite right! I did toy with putting some sort of "allegedly" or "the appearance of" or something, buy could quite keep the same pithy tone, so I sacrificed truth! derail: when I was growing up I am sure the BBC was accused of being too left wing. They seem to have done a 180° now.

GabsAlot · 06/09/2016 00:06

if anyone done that to me theyd be out

selfish twat-tell him to get a grip

xexxsy · 06/09/2016 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NameChange30 · 06/09/2016 00:14

xexxsy
Problem is, you don't make sense. You say the thread is "hilarious" and a "joke" but your posts are far from light-hearted, you seem to take yourself (and us) rather seriously.
The whole POINT of AIBU is that we're allowed to get annoyed about relatively minor things.
In any case, it might seem minor to you but if it's upset the OP, it's not fair to minimise it.
She was clearly joking about killing him but it sounds like she is genuinely frustrated with his behaviour.
It's not just about the chocolate frog, is it? It sounds like a symptom of a bigger problem.

PepsiPenguin · 06/09/2016 00:15

I get the fact the frog was a gift, but the DC doesn't know about it and it can be replaced out of "his" money (does somewhat sound like he has an allowance) it is just a chocolate frog and a rather untasty one at that by all accounts.

I bet if he likes chocolate that much he was a bit bored went on a cupboard hunt for chocolate, found the frog thought about it and without any mean of malicious intent just ate the frog (thinking he could replace it)

It was a shitty thing to do since it was a gift but surely it's not the end of the world.

Unless he was waiting for his wife to leave for an evening before going into the cupboard to murder the chocolate frog... Sitting there rubbing his hands in glee about his evil ways of stealing chocolate from his DC whilst frantically eating it.

I'm a bit like this with cheese though... I nibble a little bit, then a bit more and before I know it is gone. So maybe I understand how it could happen (I've never murdered a cheese shaped frog)

NameChange30 · 06/09/2016 00:20

honeysuckle Phew, glad we're on the same page From a stylistic pov I did appreciate your pithy phrasing

xexxsy · 06/09/2016 00:23

Another Emma,

As you said yourself, it's not just about the chocolate frog, it's the symptom of a deeper problem.

That's what I said in my tongue in cheek fashion, not wishing to hurt or vilify anyone. I really thought people would read between the lines though.

I was being lighthearted, but was wondering about things going on too that would make a man do this to his kid for his own gratification.

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

QueenLizIII · 06/09/2016 00:26

He eats alot of chocolate but that is his prerogative. it is his body and if he likes it well so be it, it isnt alcohol or drugs. Worst it will do is make him fat.

The OP sounds utterly obsessive about his intake. Keeping a tin in case she wants a bit, he has to actually go to the shop and replace the item he has eaten from his own money.

I dont get the OPs control issues with this. If he wants to fucking eat chocolate he can.

Going batshit over items being replaced and who pays is madness. Chocolate is cheap particularly if he is not fussed about brand. What if it was a man keeping control of what his wife ate in terms of chocolate and making her replace what she ate from her own pocket in case he wanted a bit one day?

It is bloody weird.

it was inconsiderate but DD doesnt know, he just has to replace it for her. They are easily obtainable and she doesnt need to know until it arrives. No harm done.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/09/2016 00:27

My DH used to do this, but not with special chocolate gifts - he's been told in no uncertain terms not to do it, especially by the 8yo who is completely fed up of going to get his own chocolate Freddo and discovering it's gone again!

Tell your H to replace the frog - get it from the Harry Potter shop in the UK instead, pay the price and to stop being so fucking greedy and selfish!

And IF he has an "addiction" (which is all in his head anyway as there is no chemical basis for an actual addiction) then maybe he needs therapy to fix it. Or, y'know, he could just grow the fuck up.

SabineUndine · 06/09/2016 00:30

I'm a complete chocoholic and even I wouldn't do that. What a jerk.

NameChange30 · 06/09/2016 00:34

"Worst it will do is make him fat."

He could also get diabetes. And if he becomes obese, he will be at higher risk of various health conditions including heart problems.

I eat too much chocolate despite knowing this

QueenLizIII · 06/09/2016 00:37

The Op keeps a chocolate stash too though from which if her DH takes any item it must be replaced.

They both have issues. Needing chocolate in the house constantly.

NameChange30 · 06/09/2016 00:40

I don't think keeping chocolate in the house means you have an "issue".

On the contrary, I don't keep chocolate in the house because I will just eat it all, and I envy/admire people who have the self control to keep it in the cupboard and just eat a reasonable amount from time to time.

The OP is not "controlling" for wanting him to refrain from eating chocolate that belongs to her and DD.

QueenLizIII · 06/09/2016 00:43

The issue is he has to replace every bit he eats of it. It just sounds weird.

ADishBestEatenCold · 06/09/2016 00:45

Buy a couple of pack of these.

www.selfridges.com/GB/en/cat/edible-dark-chocolate-covered-ants-8g_409-2001165-5657841/

Put them in a nice chocolate box, in the fridge.

Keep the original packaging to show him after he's eaten them

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 06/09/2016 00:49

I suspect this is a reverse. The OP is mysteriously absent.

Bogeyface · 06/09/2016 01:26

I think so too Annie

But whoever did it should be fucking ashamed of themselves. Cant go a day, or even a couple of hours, without chocolate? Get a fucking grip, grow up and sort yourself out. Its pathetic.

AuroraBora · 06/09/2016 01:26

I don't think this thread is weird (well no weirder than a lot of things on here ).

Surely the issue isn't that it is chocolate in particular, more that the DH has no self control or respect towards his family members' belongings. Hence why the OP has her own chocolate stash, it's so when she fancies a bit of a treat she has some available. If she relied on there being some generally in the cupboard there would be none as her DH would have eaten it all with no thought as to whether someone else might want some.

And taking his daughter's gift is low. Yes it can be replaced, but it shouldn't have to be!

He is either a selfish twat, or has a serious addiction, in which case he needs help!!!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 06/09/2016 01:56

queen

I think she means he has to replace the chocolate that he takes that belongs to the op or the child.

nursepearl · 06/09/2016 02:10

YANBU, how can a grown man have such zero self control? Im just thinking about your poor DD and how crap that he put his own selfish wants before a gift for her, he should be bloody ashamed!

Bogeyface · 06/09/2016 02:21

I dont see how insisting that someone replacing something that they took, that belonged to someone else, is controlling! Buy your own, make yourself sick on it...fine. Take someone elses, take it out of greed or lack of self control...not fine, replace it.

When my mum was a kid she used to get given a bar of Dairy Milk every Saturday night by the husband of friends of her parents who came round. Her sister, my aunt, got the same. Mum would save hers until after Sunday lunch (a whole other verrrrry long back story about that) by putting it under her pillow. Aunt would eat hers within seconds of getting it. Mum never got hers as Aunt would always steal it and eat it. Grandma scolded Aunt at first but after the first few times she took the view that Mum should have hidden it better so Grandma never gave Aunt any reason to not steal! Aunt knew that there would be no consequences, so she carried on. It got worse (Again, massive backstory) and Mum and Aunt are now on Christmas Card Contact.

If Grandma had made Aunt buy Mum a replacement out of her (meagre) pocket money, that she spent on chocolate, then perhaps Aunt would have had a rethink. Mum would have the original chocolate back, plus whatever she bought with her pocket money whilst Aunt would have nothing but the memory of her binge. But Grandma didnt and Aunt has got worse and worse over the years, all directly connected to the fact that there were no consequences for her actions.

TheOptimisticPessimist · 06/09/2016 08:44

QueenLiz what's your obsession with Op's 'stash' and 'control issues'?

Op or her DD buy, or receive as a gift, a box/bag/large bar of chocolate. They don't want to finish the whole thing in one sitting so they have a little bit and put the rest away for another day. A couple of days later they go to get some more and it's all been polished off by a greedy man that thinks his right to instant gratification is the most important factor and sod everyone else's happiness. Every time. That's not controlling his intake, that's being rightly pissed off that the only way they can enjoy their chocolate is by stuffing their faces and finishing it in one go. I'd be fucked off too.

I don't like buying little bars of chocolate, they cost more than getting a big bar. There are certain boxes of chocolates that are expensive and I like to make them last. I'm lucky enough to be able to do this because my DP isn't a selfish idiot that sees them and immediately eats them just because they're there.

The chocolate frog needs to be replaced and the 'addict' needs to sort themselves out. It's ridiculous.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/09/2016 08:57

It might make a few posters think differently if we replace "chocolate" with "money"...

PaulAnkaTheDog · 06/09/2016 08:58

That is so mean

LittleLionMansMummy · 06/09/2016 09:09

5yo ds still hasn't forgiven me for eating some of his chocolate mini eggs bought for him by grandma and grandad. I also have form for raiding his stash when mine is empty, but to be fair he gets so much from relatives that he usually doesn't even know how much he's got and doesn't miss it when it's not there. He is like the chocolate police though - he knows instantly when I'm eating chocolate and always says: "Mummy!! I hope that isn't MY chocolate!!" I do share mine with him though, so I'm not a complete cow. Dh doesn't eat it and doesn't like it. Weirdo.

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