To be holding back the tears at work already

[desperate16]

I start nightshift at 7pm om a hospital ward, finish at 7.15am. Work with perfectly pleasant colleagues (tonight anyway) and nightshift conditions aren't bad - 3 breaks, 1 twenty minutes and 2 forty five minutes. Patients all semi independant for once.

But I'm sitting biting my tongue and wanting to leave. I am feeling ill, but have been told if I take one more sick day I will get a formal warning and will seriously struggle to get employment in the future :(

There are colleagues who are nasty to me. I get sore with my shifts. I struggle with the 12 hours. And my boss has been off on secondment for a long time, she's coming back soon and she used to be horrible to me. I'm bloody petrified of her and don't want to work with her :(

Woke up vomiting but just carried on. Managed to eat a little bit and kept lucozade down.

I tried phoning my mum and started crying :( she's disabled and I always worry about her.

And I haven't even started work yet :(

Doctors won't sign me off as said if they do they dont think I would go back.

What the hell do I do? Last nightshift I did - 3 weeks ago - I paced around and around the grounds on my break trying to persuade myself to walk back in.

When you have some time go and have a look on the Equality Advisory and Support Service website at www.equalityadvisoryservice.com/ - they are a government organisation set up to help people from being discriminated against.

From what you have said about being on the spectrum and having Dyspraxia I am pretty certain you have grounds for asking your employers to make reasonable adjustments due to your being disabled. Such things as making sure you get emails etc. about changes.

The EASS are very good at helping people communicate with their employers so that things can be made workable for all parties concerned by making them realise their responsibilities under the Equality Act 2010 towards you as an employee.

Give them a call tomorrow or fill in their online contact form. They should be able to help you find a path through this. You are not being treated properly and you should be protected by law. It may be your best bet is to find another job but being properly armed with the facts regarding your rights will give you a bit of extra confidence and power. Good luck.

Can you contact OH yourself?

I explain pain and vomiting etc. Quite frankly they shouldn't be expecting you in if actually being sick.

Can you also pursue a diagnosis of ASD? You should be protected by the DDA with your diagnosis of dyspraxia too.

The Union and OH are your friends here. It's probably worth seeing if you can get a hold of your trust's Sickness and Disability policy, the bullying and harassment policy and the grievance procedure.

Does your trust have a specified member of staff responsible for Equality and Diversity? They can often provide good advice or solutions too.

I've only read your update op so this has probably been covered.

Document EVERYTHING. Keep contemporaneous records whenever possible, but record it all. If you have any emails etc, get them forwarded and in a safe place.

What's the problem with the email? Is it an IT job to get it fixed? If so, get on it sharpish.

If you're not in a union, get in one pronto. Normally you have to be in one for a while before they'll touch your case.

What they're doing is discrimination - they are not allowed to withhold training because you have been off due to disability.

Get to occupational health ASAP. Tell them what your manager has said, especially about the dyspraxia. And actually about the endometriosis. It's discrimination on both fronts.

Forget what that cow said about the bank etc - obviously doesn't know what she's talking about and is indicative of the disgusting attitude you are facing.

But above all, for your own well being, start looking elsewhere. No job is worth this shit.

Advice above is all very good but possibly a bit overwhelming so I send hugs.
If you are a union member and you contact them for advice, they will look into your rights and the best course of action on your behalf. This saves you having to read through lengthy policies yourself when you are struggling to focus, as you are already feeling vulnerable. I think a union rep would agree to meet management and they would raise concerns re emails and attitudes to your dyspraxia, as well as explaining the legitimacy of your sick days. This would take some of the onus off you.
Confirming conversations by email is a good idea as pp said. It's not always easy though so you can always ask for confirmation of their point. A good union rep might help you word an email.
On the other hand, if you don't have access to a good union rep, then like others have said, it's better to leave the post for your own sanity. Bank work can be daunting at the beginning as you don't know anyone and everything is different but for many it is the start of a brand new (almost) stressfree life. Good luck

I'm certain you will be covered by the Equality Act 2010.
Comments like. No one will want to employ you, are disablist.
These Cunts need to be made examples of.

I'm a member of the RCN so getting on the phone to them tomorrow. Waiting on first counselling session through works occupational health and going to phone them tomorrow asking if they do emergency appointments to discuss all of this. A senior colleague told me it's possible to have things altered with the endometriois especially . I'm regularly gping 15 hours without peeing on a day shift as I get anxious about going , colleagues have made snide comments about how long I take (heavy bleeding as meant I've had to get changed and strip washed before in the cubicle so not easy to be in and out in 2 minutes).

Thank you for the hugs, that means a lot. Halfway through the shift now. Quiet from now until 5ish hopefully.

How much time have you taken off sick? The NHS is comedy lenient about this compared to standard employers, so if they're raising an eyebrow you need to pay attention.

This.

I got threatened with disciplinary action for allegedly failing to report one day of sick leave in a year properly. One day...in a whole year.

If the NHS is warning you about sick leave then it must have been an awful lot.

What is the nature of your illness? I only ask as if you are a nurse / HCA surely such long term illness meaning you may not go back if signed off is incompatible with being able to do a healthcare job in the first place.

. I'll pop back in tomorrow sometime to see how you're doing. Take care. X

The OP answered these questions hours ago.

Hope the rest of your shift passes quietly. You're being horribly discriminated against, as pp said, with the endometriosis too. It's a tough condition that needs more understanding. Hugs and hope the RCN are helpful.

Definitely agree with advice to start getting email confirmations. When I was stressed at work the email trail saved me and meant I was transferred rather than losing a job I's worked hard in.

4 hours to go. All my big jobs are done now, it's been a weirdly OK night. Normally we are really badly busy but it's been OK.

I asked senior nurse for the general bank form and she says she will ask interim manager for it but I have a feeling she won't support it. I asked her last week about going on the bank instead of doing 12 hour shifts and she said she feels if they keep my shifts at only 2 consecutive days then I should be fine to carry on, shouldn't have a problem.

I don't know what it is with me. I know my sick leave is higher than average and I wouldn't like to count days lost in total over 2 years.

But I work with 3 other HCAs - all of whom have been off at least 6 months to a year and all of whom are fully supported. I don't want to be unwell but I do want to know that my manager understands like she can with them. I don't know why they can't. Even the day I was flat on the floor vomiting during handover the nurse in charge was asking if I felt I could get up and carry on?!

OP you are being bullied and discriminated against. You have conditions that constitute several unseen disabilities and you are not getting appropriate support for them. And you say that other colleagues are being supported? I would say this is a case of your face 'not fitting' which is rife in the NHS.

I'm NHS too and I've had a real mix of bosses - whether it's the immediate line manager who is supportive when the departmental manager isn't, the manager of an admin team who was an ex nurse so wanted the office to run like a ward and bullied everyone until they were all bullying each other, or the ones who are supportive all the way to the one who said "as long as your work for the day is complete I don't care when you leave for the day" and genuinely meant it.

I have health problems too. In the past 4 years I've had to have 7 operations. I've taken a lot of time off sick but OH know it's for a reason. My trust policy is 10 days or 4 episodes for short term absences. I breached it and ran out of sick leave this year because I had 3 operations and glandular fever in the space of a year. But my manager is so so supportive and because of that I'm bloody good at my job.

When I had a micromanaging bully for a manager I was always getting ill with migraines and stomach bugs. Looking back it was stress, pure and simple. And every time I was off they found a reason to belittle me more. They found every tiny thing I did wrong and wrote me up for it, so I'd work hard on that thing but would inevitably make a mistake somewhere else and would then get written up for that. Eventually they told me they were invoking the formal performance management process and I got official letters, warning etc. I found another job and asked HR if my performance management would stop when I left the team or if it would carry on. They had no knowledge of it. It had all been a pack of lies by the boss to scare me and if they'd really invoked it then HR should have been at meetings as well and the letters should have come from them. It turns out this manager had been faking this process for years and virtually the whole team were on it, unless she liked them.

Long story short - I got out of that job and got a supportive boss (the one who let me leave whenever I was done) and my sick rate fell dramatically. I moved on to my current job (was made redundant) and got a great manager who is also really supportive, and has listened to me when I told him how he could get the best from me. And now I love my job and wouldn't leave unless forced to now. I have had a bad year health wise, but my short term sickness is reasonable.

It sounds like you are in the position I was 4 years ago with a bully for a boss and that will be making you ill. Speak to your trusts NHS professionals office directly abut bank work. They usually do an expedited registration if you already work at the trust and will use the references already on your file. Your boss shouldn't need to get involved. It sounds like you're actually a decent worker because if you weren't she'd be jumping at the chance to get rid. And she knows it's a bitch finding people willing to do nights so she's trying to gaslight you into staying (yes, bosses can gaslight too).

LTBB (bitchy boss that is!)

Lots to think about. I phoned occupational health when I woke up at half 2 and they said they can only talk to me on the phone, during my work shift so how does that work? We don't have a private room to talk in and they'd be phoning my mobile phone. I can hardly have my mobile ringing away during a bed bath or something.

I will get on the phone tomorrow and get in touch with the bank and ask them how I get that sorted out. No one here, management wise , seems to give much of a shit unfortunately. I asked for the forms last night and never got them as band 6 said she didn't have a clue how it works.

I'm waiting on a laparoscopy, work now that but said I can only get a reasonable period of time off post surgery and then back to work. Any abscence relayed but if a different episode would be seen as unacceptable. It's so difficult and frustrating. If I go on the bank it would be maybe OK.

Yes , boss did that with me too , there's a whole file on me and why she thinks I am totally incapable of nursing. She used to ask my colleagues for feedback on my performance weekly and then she would sit and discuss this with me and tell me what they all thought of me/reported of me

OP what about a care home or something away from a hospital?

She used to get feedback from your colleagues weekly !!!

Have you phoned the RCN yet OP she is a vile bully.

I havent phoned them yet no. Tonight has been so so long. 30 degrees on the ward which doesn't help as you feel like you're sitting in a sauna. Currently sat in front of air conditioning unit trying to cool off/wake up totally didn't spend my last break fast asleep. Three hours from now I'll be in bed. Am booked for a study day today but hadn't realised - it was booked in January - and there's no way I'm up to going, it starts at 9am and finishes at 6pm tonight. Can't do that, that would mean 28 hours wide awake. Only downside is the email I got says if you cancel with less than 72 hours notice they will charge £80.

Once I'm up this afternoon I will ring them.

That didn't go to plan, I went to bed at 8am yesterday, managed to get up for 5 hours and potter around and then woke up again at 8 this morning.

Work have emailed regarding that course, I don't have to pay any thing but they won't let me do any non essential training or development until I am at work more regularly :(

I didn't think they were allowed to do that. When I go to work - which is of course more often than not - I do my work, I do everything and anything I can for my patients. I teach my junior colleagues how to do things. I go home and research the illnesses and disorders my patients have, and how I can help them. Learn about new techniques and things that we can offer. I've even sat on the last two night shifts and got all of my EKSF (mandatory online learning) up to date. But work won't let me develop my skills further?

Going to ring the RCN, general bank office and occupational health this afternoon and ask what I can do to change things.

You woke up vomiting and you've gone to work on a hospital ward! I hope you don't pass that onto any vulnerable patients.

Neon, there is a difference between vomiting caused by a bug, that could be passed on, and vomiting caused by an ongoing medical issue or stress which - other than the vomiting person being weakened - won't have an impact on those they come in contact with.

Sorry but I think they are within their rights to limit your training to essential development until your attendance improves.

No, I won't be passing it on to anyone because gynaecological problems aren't contagious.

I've written an email to my boss but I'm scared to send it :

^Hi (Boss)

Does not going on that course count for all training at the moment?

I asked (senior staff nurse) the other night about joining the general bank - having spoken to a couple of others I wasn't sure if maybe stopping full time hours and just doing bank shifts instead might be easier and stop things from getting any worse? Even if I was able to just get on the bank and see how many shifts they could offer, to find out if that would be a viable option? She said she wasn't sure of the procedure for applying and I would have to ask you.^

Is that going too far? I don't want to say anything I will go on to regret.

Ask for help, but make it clear that you are more than keen to help yourself too.

I suspect your colleagues are pissed off with having to take on your work as an unpaid extra delight because you haven't turned up - again. You should see their point, and realise you can deal with that.

If you do have recorded genuine medical problems, make sure all your team know about them, which will make them more sympathetic.

And get help to talk to the management, who shouldn't be dumping your workload on your colleagues, but should be managing it instead. Sounds like they've had more than enough warning, frankly.

And fulfil your responsibilities - failing to cancel that training until you dumped your dept with a big bill did not help you appear professional or capable.

Finally, bear in mind the woe-is-me schtick won't keep you employed forever. Harsh but true. No employer on the planet is obliged to pay workers who don't turn up.

You can be sacked for taking too much sick leave, even in the NHS. You really need to be clear about how unwell you are. Make it sound as bad as possible - as someone with giant fibroids I get the reality of heavy periods - but cancer they ain't.