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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be holding back the tears at work already

88 replies

desperate16 · 05/09/2016 18:53

I start nightshift at 7pm om a hospital ward, finish at 7.15am. Work with perfectly pleasant colleagues (tonight anyway) and nightshift conditions aren't bad - 3 breaks, 1 twenty minutes and 2 forty five minutes. Patients all semi independant for once.

But I'm sitting biting my tongue and wanting to leave. I am feeling ill, but have been told if I take one more sick day I will get a formal warning and will seriously struggle to get employment in the future :(

There are colleagues who are nasty to me. I get sore with my shifts. I struggle with the 12 hours. And my boss has been off on secondment for a long time, she's coming back soon and she used to be horrible to me. I'm bloody petrified of her and don't want to work with her :(

Woke up vomiting but just carried on. Managed to eat a little bit and kept lucozade down.

I tried phoning my mum and started crying :( she's disabled and I always worry about her.

And I haven't even started work yet :(

Doctors won't sign me off as said if they do they dont think I would go back.

What the hell do I do? Last nightshift I did - 3 weeks ago - I paced around and around the grounds on my break trying to persuade myself to walk back in.

OP posts:
MudCity · 05/09/2016 20:21

Oh OP, bless you. Apply for another job elsewhere. You can't stay in this one as it is making you ill. No job is worth feeling like this. This is not the job for you.

Go and see Occupational Health if you can.

Take care.

AnxiousCarer · 05/09/2016 20:22

Have you been to Occi Health? My hospital have a great councilling service for staff, you may be able to self refer in. Also if you have been off sick a lot its their job to help look at ways to keep you well enough to work.

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 05/09/2016 20:25

Is there a reason you're off sick a lot? There is a limit to how much sickness you can have before you have to be referred to Occ health. You can't just have a formal warning without going down the sickness procedures route. Have you spoken to your union?

Have you looked for a new job? 12 hour night shifts are just a normal part of nursing, you get more breaks than I do. I'm lucky to get any some nights. However, you are miserable, so it's worth going to see Occ health yourself. Maybe you can get signed off nights, or can you leave and do agency?

ToffeeForEveryone · 05/09/2016 20:35

Life's too short to do a job that's making you that unhappy. There are other jobs out there, it's hassle and can be intimidating looking for a new job but you will be so much better off if you move.

Good luck for tonight Flowers

Original poster
desperate16 · 05/09/2016 20:44

I would have had 7 days since February 2016 - I have suspected endometriois and waiting on a laparoscopy before Christmas. Am on regular painkillers and anti emetics as I'm throwing up all the bloody time just now. They go on the basis of abscence over the last year but I'm not sure how many days that is in total. I know it's treated differently if you are off for a long time as opposed tp multiple short days. I have been very careful to stay off only when genuinely unable (can't move for pain, vomiting) and three of the seven were post blacking out at work :(

I've got dyspraxia as well and am thought to be somewhere on the autistic spectrum. I like nightshift because it's quiet but it.upsets something in me because it's out of routine etc.

I'm a HCA. I've done this for two years.

I did think about bank but my boss told me (before she went off on secondment) that noone would ever want me to work for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
desperate16 · 05/09/2016 20:45

I'm on my first break just now that's why I'm applying. We are not usually this quiet, this is a bit of a shock for us as it's normally crazy. Neurosurgery/neurology ùnit with attached HDU.

OP posts:
Original poster
desperate16 · 05/09/2016 20:58

I just feel inadequate and that I'm not good enough for this job (or indeed, much of life) and not really wanted here either.

I have seen occupational health and they told my interim line manager that there were issues at work that were seriously impacting on my well being. She got me to come and see her but it didn't help as she didn't seem much interested. Told me I need to stop worrying about everything.

I don't even get ward emails despite telling my manager and mentor several times that they have my email address spelt wrongly - they keep saying they will change it and then they don't do it. So when things change on the ward or training chances come up, I don't get told. But that said my old boss said she wouldn't send me for training anyway until my health improved - she kept asking me when my dyspraxia was going to improve, why had I not gotten over it, surely it can't affect me for that long ..

OP posts:
SandyPantz · 05/09/2016 21:00

I did think about bank but my boss told me (before she went off on secondment) that noone would ever want me to work for them.

Jesus what a fucking bitch!

Look, if you were rubbish to work with, she'ld be ENCOURAGING you to look elsewhere, not scaring you off from applying so she can keep you all to her nasty little self!

Call the staff bank in the morning, as you are already staff you might not need to apply separately to join, try out some other departments, you'll soon she it's them (or her) and not you xx

7 "episodes" of sickness is a lot, even if it's just a day at a time. When it's counted as episodes you're better off taking 3 days (which counts as one episode) than one day off, push yourself back for a day then end up off again

FinderofNeedles · 05/09/2016 21:03

I don't even get ward emails despite telling my manager and mentor several times that they have my email address spelt wrongly - they keep saying they will change it and then they don't do it.

Tell HR about this, it's the kind of thing they can check and get fixed for you really easily.

Also pass on what your line manager said about your dyspraxia. That's not on at all!

AnthonyPandy · 05/09/2016 21:03

I did think about bank but my boss told me (before she went off on secondment) that noone would ever want me to work for them.

Go on the bank, you will be fine.

I'm a HCA. I've done this for two years. Homecare as agency staff?

MudCity · 05/09/2016 21:03

Your boss sounds horrible. Who says that to a member of staff?

This isn't the environment for you. Have a think about what you want to do with the rest of your life because this can't be it, OP. It will cause you stress and make you unwell. Working as a HCA on a busy ward and doing 12.5 hour shifts is hard enough for anyone but, with dyspraxia and possibly being on the autistic spectrum, this will make it even more difficult. If you have a diagnosis of either of the above, you could go to see Occupational Health to see what reasonable adjustments could be made for you in your role. It's worth a try.

To be honest though, I wouldn't stay in a job with a boss who terrified me. There are plenty of other jobs out there which may be more suitable for you so start looking!

SandyPantz · 05/09/2016 21:04

meanwhile… keep a diary of all interactions with your manager, no impressions just "she said: I said:"

SandyPantz · 05/09/2016 21:05

I just feel inadequate and that I'm not good enough for this job

nobody can be great at their job when they're being bullied!

TheLaundryLady · 05/09/2016 21:10

OMG!! What an awful boss you have OP.
Are you in a union ? You sound like you have a potential dignity at work case. Keep a record of all incidents and speak to somebody in authority that you trust and definitely occupational health..

No wonder your health is suffering.
My trust's sickness policy says that you trigger if you have more than 10 days or 2 episodes. Was your 7 days in one episode or more? Which tends to be standard across the uk.
Have you had any sickness hearings previously ?

Lea060398 · 05/09/2016 21:11

Are you in the Union? It sounds like bullying to me and I would raise this with them. Also, if you feel you're missing out on training then I would speak directly to your clinical educator. You don't say who you report to, is it the ward manager/matron or senior sister? This is something you need to escalate, especially as it is impacting on your health.

JennyJudah · 05/09/2016 21:11

honestly, i think your co-workers are just as bummed as you. Knowing my nature, i would have a mental breakdown if people treated me in such a way, but in this world i've adapted to the cruel nature and such. You're there for the patients, and though they might not show their appreciation, you're like superwoman to them and to all of us. There will be at-least one co-worker you can bond with, if not, you always have mumsnet, heh?? Hmm

Empower yourself. During breaks, do what calms you down, what you love. For me it would be reading, so I always go to my room and read. You may not have that option, but there has to be somewhere you can go and do what you love. For example eating dessert, don't overdo it ;)

ConstantCraving · 05/09/2016 21:16

Hi, you sound like me 10 years ago. I worked in the NHS on nightshifts and was close to a breakdown after 3 years of it. It got so bad I'd feel physically sick driving in. I re-trained and left and whilst I still get stressed about work I have never, ever felt as ill, scared and desperate as I did then. Leave - nothing is more important than your health and your peace of mind Flowers

MarklahMarklah · 05/09/2016 21:28

I'm possibly bucking the trend here but seriously your health is far more important than any job. You're making yourself more ill by staying. Either get signed off sick properly by your GP (who sounds quite wishy washy) or take steps to leave the job.

I had health issues around 8 years ago. I was in a boring but high-pressure job and had to take time off. I got calls every day and emails asking when I was coming back. In the end I stopped responding as it was sending my stress levels rocketing. When I returned to work I had some residual issues and was meant to have had a return to work plan. My bitch of a boss had told management that I was refusing to come in so I got sent to Occ. Health. Having made it to their third floor office on crutches the OH guy twigged that I couldn't easily get to work and noted that I had already said I was willing to work from home.
When I got back after a further three weeks off, I resigned. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted. I've never looked back.

purplefox · 05/09/2016 21:38

Your boss is a bully, you really aren't the problem.

Can you see another doctor about signing you off for a while?

JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 21:44

You need to get on hat email system, and you need to lay a paper trail. Every time you have a discussion related to your job, ping off an email confirming what was said or agreed. For instance, if she asks you again about your dyspraxia send something saying "Dear boss, just confirming our discussion today when you asked when my dyspraxia is going to get better. As discussed, dyspraxia is a lifelong disability which unfortunately does not get better. I confirm that we discussed the adjustments that could be made to accommodate my disability, namely .... and that you agreed to consult occupational health about this. I look forward to hearing from you further. Regards, desperate."

That way there's a record and, unless she gets back to you quickly to correct anything it will be very difficult for her to deny it later.

It's particularly important to document the dyspraxia nonsense, because it sounds like overt disability discrimination and HR will be wetting themselves if they hear about it.

OrsonWellsHat · 05/09/2016 21:46

You're being bullied Angry
Dyspraxia is a condition, it doesn't 'improve'.
They sound like utter cunts.
Look for another job or another ward Flowers

Olympiathequeen · 05/09/2016 21:46

You are not in the right job because nights are physically and mentally more stressful. I would look for somewhere more suited to your situation and away from that awful bitch.

MammaTJ · 05/09/2016 21:46

As someone who gave up my nursing degree after two years as a result of it, I was shocked by how many downright nasty people work in caring professions! This thread just confirmed it. It really does sound like subtle and not so subtle bullying on so many levels. Get yourself out of there to somewhere more friendly. You don't need the stress on top of your ill health.

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 05/09/2016 21:46

I think you need to talk to your Union and HR.

YeOldMa · 05/09/2016 22:13

Disability rights people would help you if you contacted them. If nights are a problem with your Autism then they should make changes so you don't have to do them as long as they have the resilience to do so; I'd have thought in a hospital they should be able to. As for the dyspraxia, I am surprised that any health care professional should ask when it is going to get better as that is a problem for life although there are exercises to train the brain to respond better in certain circumstances. Obviously your dyspraxia is manageable because you would never have qualified otherwise. I agree with the poster who said taking single days off will count against you. Most large organisations use a points system and single days off sick (especially Mondays and Fridays) score mega points whilst longer periods score less; equally if you always take sick leave on a Wednesday, it will flag it up. It can help identify scivers but it does sometimes target the wrong people.