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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want someone to back off,(OH)after I've repeatedly asked them !

80 replies

MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 22:58

Short vent.
Man are so bloody fond of being in charge that they'll leap on anything and call it concern.

I have catarrh . Please don't suggest "cures" as a quick Google will inform you that for most of us , they are of little use .

Anyway, I cope with it. So I don't appreciate that "look" whenever I cough, because some idiot man - namely OH - saw a lung cancer infomercial.

I've never smoked , I'm not asthmatic, I'm never short of breath.....I just have year round allergies which generate snot, to be blunt .

But when I ask him to stop snooping around my health what do I get , from "Mr concerned "?
No a respectful " ok", but just a self exculpatory "it's just because I care".

No mate , you're taking charge , and I'm not a minor , so back off

OP posts:
VanillaSugar · 04/09/2016 23:52

I once had a cat that repeatedly coughed up fur balls. Reading this thread has suddenly reminded me of him.

Poor cat. When he got ill and had to be PTSed, funnily enough I didn't miss him a bit.

Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:52

Ok I'll add a little perspective.

His family have between them a quad bypass, familial hyoercholestraemia (which he has ) , familial hypertension ( which be has ) , and he's an ex smoker .

He's been getting chest pains but will he see a Dr?
No
Mention THAT once , and I'm a nag. And boy does he take exception.

See , I'm starting to think this is about control, his over me .

OP posts:
Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:53

Lol, @VanillaSugar.

I'll tell him it's fur balls

OP posts:
CafeCremeEtCroissant · 04/09/2016 23:53

I think he's a saint actually, I'd have killed you by now.

You need to stop saying 'it's ok' and DO something about sorting it out.

CafeCremeEtCroissant · 04/09/2016 23:55

Just read your update.

BOTH go to the bloody Dr FFS

WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 23:56

He sounds more irritated than controlling tbh.

Controlling would be making appointments for you/buying herbal remedies you haven't asked for/cutting dairy or other things from your diet when making dinner...that sort of thing?

PortiaCastis · 04/09/2016 23:59

Christ with all those ailments he should be ringing 111

YouCanDoThis · 05/09/2016 00:03

Oh Lord. Hacking up catarrh AND constantly blowing your nose?? I'm not sure I can tolerate you here, let alone being in the same room as you. The poor man is controlling. He is controlling his rage! Wink

Blueshoessingloose · 05/09/2016 00:11

I think he's very controlled that he hasn't exploded in sheer frustration and irritation yet. That you don't seem interested in trying to find something, anything that could possibly alleviate the symptoms must be driving him insane. You're annoying him. It affects him too.

Original poster
MisDescamisados · 05/09/2016 00:16

Fur balls .

OP posts:
confuugled1 · 05/09/2016 00:16

Could you use it against him so that every time he mentions it you mention his ailments/need to see the doctor?

And then when he accuses you of nagging, point out that you have deliberately since [now] only pointed it out to him every time he has pointed out your catarrh to you - no more, no less. Which means that if you are nagging, then not only is he nagging you, he has 'started it' - you are not the one spontaneously nagging, he is.

Hopefully he'll either stop nagging you or go and get an appointment - either or both would be the ideal solution!

Nagging is a very male word to use to be dismissive of something a female says to him - have you ever tried to say that he is nagging you and/or that you're only reminding him of his stuff 'just because I care'?

Original poster
MisDescamisados · 05/09/2016 00:20

Thanks Blue . I see what you mean. If I'd said I wasn't looking for remedies or I hadn't tried even, but then would I be posting about this in frustration?
But I have and I did and I do. And you could've assumed that every bit as much as what your did assume .

Tell me , what sort of person tries nothing, does nothing, then complains, and are you accusing me of being her ?

In which case , that's as infantikisng as OH .

OP posts:
Original poster
MisDescamisados · 05/09/2016 00:22

Lol x

OP posts:
Original poster
MisDescamisados · 05/09/2016 00:25

He's very quick tempered, it would mean constant rows, or belive me, I would.
It's a double standard nagging a medic who is fine, albeit snotty, with no co mobilities or family history - but dismissing aggressively said medics concern over your chest pain given family history and Co morbidities such as hyoercholestraemia.

OP posts:
Original poster
MisDescamisados · 05/09/2016 00:25

Bloody hate autocorrect

OP posts:
MinonsMovie · 05/09/2016 00:28

You are behaving a little like a petulant child.

Lots of people highlighting how annoying and infuriating you must be to snuffle and cough in the same room as your OH. But you are much happier to make out he's some sort of control freak than acknowledge this.

You haven't tried everything. That's impossible, you've tried lots of things and given up.

Like fat snorers who have 'tried everything', (accept loosing weight).

JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 00:32

I must say I struggle to see where caring about your health is being the boss of you.

I also agree that I would find it incredibly difficult to live with. My DF had something similar, and when he was on a sniffing/blowing/coughing/throat clearing session I used to sit there getting increasingly tense and irritated - particularly as he seemed to reserve the loudest hacks and snorts for the most unmissable bit of whatever TV programme we were watching. I used to fantasise about sprinkling decongestant on his clothes and pillow and inventing some sort of nasal vacuum cleaner to sort him out once and for all.

Whereismumhiding2 · 05/09/2016 01:52

OP

Try Operant Conditioning. Every time he sighs or mentions doing something about your catarrh, reply (once you've stopped coughing) "oh that reminds me/ hearing you say that reminds me,... When are you going to book GP appt about your ... ?.../ you need to fix the gutter.../ ...the tap is leaking again, when can you call plumber out?.." Pick one thing (different each time) that he is avoiding doing.

He'll soon learn to stop hassling you about your catarrh.

WindPowerRanger · 05/09/2016 02:01

Speaking as a woman who was told to put pairs of socks together only in the approved fashion this morning by my overseer husband, I can understand your annoyance with what I call 'supervisor syndrome', OP.

I agree you should experiment with leaving the room to clear your catarrh to see if he backs off a bit. If that doesn't work, then it is back to talking, but this time with his cough on the agenda as well as yours.

HateSummer · 05/09/2016 06:53

You are behaving a little like a petulant child.

Yes I agree. Completely ignored my first comment about him perhaps getting annoyed by the disgusting coughing sound and trying to help find a cure for his own sanity and his ears. Maybe there's a few home truth in there, who knows?

Comejointhemurder · 05/09/2016 07:07

How is giving you 'a look' when you're coughing your guts up an attempt to control you?

VanillaSugar · 05/09/2016 07:36

Christmas is coming. You could buy him an enormous amount of ear plugs so that he doesn't have to listen to you hawking.

VanillaSugar · 05/09/2016 07:41

Do you say ahem first before you hawk, to catch your OH's attention?

Asking for a friend.

PortiaCastis · 05/09/2016 08:56

Having got away from a controlling violent drunken husband myself. Please thank your lucky stars you are not a victim of DV and get some more tests done on your health.
Those of us who have been abused wouldn't mind a snotty nose.Its treatable.

VanillaSugar · 05/09/2016 09:15

Do you do that thing where you make that noise to hawk up the phlegm and then spit it on the floor? Got, I'd give you "a look" if you did that.

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