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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want someone to back off,(OH)after I've repeatedly asked them !

80 replies

MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 22:58

Short vent.
Man are so bloody fond of being in charge that they'll leap on anything and call it concern.

I have catarrh . Please don't suggest "cures" as a quick Google will inform you that for most of us , they are of little use .

Anyway, I cope with it. So I don't appreciate that "look" whenever I cough, because some idiot man - namely OH - saw a lung cancer infomercial.

I've never smoked , I'm not asthmatic, I'm never short of breath.....I just have year round allergies which generate snot, to be blunt .

But when I ask him to stop snooping around my health what do I get , from "Mr concerned "?
No a respectful " ok", but just a self exculpatory "it's just because I care".

No mate , you're taking charge , and I'm not a minor , so back off

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 23:16

What do all those letters/acronyms mean?

I Googled ECP and got 'English Collective of Prostitutes' Confused

Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:18

Muddy. Sorry . He's seen an infomercial once and saw someone on hobby city get metastatic lung CA from a mole

Now he's like a dog with an itch ....I've gone through everything everyone's said myself , but now my gut feeling is that he's just exercising "man manlyv boss man "

If you know any I mean .

OP posts:
Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:20

Sorry Worra.
Emergency care practitioner , wilderness emergency med tech, diver med tech, battlefield trauma life support tech .

OP posts:
MinonsMovie · 04/09/2016 23:20

Your op didn't say it was diagnosed - some people self diagnose and that's not the same thing. Your reference to google made me think this could be you.

In this instance yanbu but yanb considerate either. Do an experiment, pop to the other room if you need to clear it. See if he is still so 'concerned' when you return and he hasn't had to look at it or listen to it.

You might learn something about how much he really cares and how much he just finds it disgusting but can't say that to you because it's horrible to say to your OH.

Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:21

It's kinda bigger pic, yes .

OP posts:
YouCanDoThis · 04/09/2016 23:22

Honestly, are you sure the look is one of concern and not a desire to kill you for clearing your throat all the fucking time?

Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:23

You have a point .x

OP posts:
Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:25

Thing is , it's like a lack of trust.
When I've been ill in the past(I don't mean colds or viruses), which is bloody rare , I seek help pronto .
He knows this because he's been present .

It's like vicarious hyperchondria

OP posts:
Blueshoessingloose · 04/09/2016 23:26

He's just concerned for your health. Have you tried giving up dairy? A few members of my family had the same problem until they went vegan. They had no idea that would be a side effect until it happened but in some people dairy causes excess mucus buildup.

Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:28

I'm useless at clearing my throat, (also I dont really get that itch ) so it builds and then - every few hours - I cough for like five minutes .

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 23:28

My Mum had catarrh for about 20 years.

Someone suggested she gave up dairy and within a week, it completely disappeared.

Same for my nephew come to think of it.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 04/09/2016 23:29

What does he actual do? You've mentioned "looks" and "snooping". I'm not really getting what the behaviour is.

Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:30

I'm posting because concern is one thing , but this is getting more like, like I said , vicarious hypochondria

OP posts:
Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:31

He can't leave it alone . It's looks, snacks, sighs , and , well, nagging.

OP posts:
Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:31

Snarks even

OP posts:
Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:33

It didn't work for me , but at least you knew catarrh is a thing . Thanx

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/09/2016 23:33

You've mentioned the 'man/manly' thing a couple of times.

Do you have an unequal relationship?

MinonsMovie · 04/09/2016 23:33

Full disclosure it would annoy me so much if my OH was coughing and spluttering in the same room as me for 5 minutes.

YouCanDoThis · 04/09/2016 23:36

I think he's so invested in trying to cure you because it's irritating the hell out of him. The looks and tuts are him trying to control the urge to tell you to stop it. He's doing a much better job than I would!

Arfarfanarf · 04/09/2016 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaddyHatter · 04/09/2016 23:41

Mis, dont hold it, it makes it worse, cough properly rather than a bad attempt at throat clearing, or sip cold water... and blow your nose.

if you're not even attempting to manage it and are having coughing fits, then no wonder you're setting him off!

PortiaCastis · 04/09/2016 23:47

Well think you should be pleased he cares really
My ex used to pass out drunk and wee himself and once shat himself on my settee

Original poster
MisDescamisados · 04/09/2016 23:48

Muddy, I'm constantly blowing my nose lol. It's allergies , and yes , I'm in fexonfenidine for them

OP posts:
Breadandwine · 04/09/2016 23:49

Not for you, OP, if you've already tried this, but for anyone lurking, I'm another one who, on becoming vegan, lost my

year round allergies which generate snot.

(Not to mention my osteoarthritis, which stabilised almost immediately!)