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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I absolutely do not owe him child maintenance?

75 replies

notagainnellie · 04/09/2016 20:48

He earns very little and I earn £45k before tax. He left following infidelity, not that it's relevant. He has seen the dc very little over the summer, especially ds2 who's not a cricket fan, to the detriment of his relationship with his dad.

I dropped them off today, reminding him that tomorrow is an inset day - Monday is his day during term time anyway. He did a huge sigh and told me it was 'ridiculous' that he has them every inset. He temps in schools, so obviously would not get any work on the first day back, while, as a teacher, I would not feel able to ask for the first day back after a 6 week holiday off . Anyway, I said nothing other than reminded him that we had agreed this during mediation. He then said that had been 'bollocks' and that he has checked and I should be paying him £60 a week cm, based on my income. I didn't want to argue in front of the dc, so didn't really reply, but I have come home and checked on the calculator and it seems he is right.

We agreed at mediation he wouldn't ask for spousal maintenance (had been a sahd) and nothing was said about cm. In term time he has them 4 nights per fortnight, though has had them far less then that over the summer - which I have been happy about, but it wasn't what he insisted he wanted .

The only thing he pays for is the meals they have when with him. I cover EVERYTHING else, and am happy to do so, but am fucked if I am going to be handing over £200 per month for a few plates of pasta. That could be going to their so-far-non-existent university funds. AIBU? I'm sick of the whole thing.

OP posts:

Happydappy99 · 04/09/2016 20:50

Why would you be paying him child maintenance if you have them the majority of the time? Shouldn't he be paying you?

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 04/09/2016 20:52

Absolute BS, he should be paying you.

RunningLulu · 04/09/2016 20:54

It was agreed you wouldn't, so regardless of what you should be doing, it's done. He's earning good money now, and not paying for the kids.

BombadierFritz · 04/09/2016 20:56

what calculator did you use??

rollonthesummer · 04/09/2016 20:57

Is he entitled to ask for spousal maintenance? I don't know how that works-sorry if that's a silly question.

chocoLit · 04/09/2016 20:57

Bollox to that. He's a waste of space and he knows it. Some halfwit down the pub has told him how much they pay their ex missus and he's obv thought that sounds like a good idea

AyeAmarok · 04/09/2016 20:58

Why would you pay him child maintenance, I don't understand.

BombadierFritz · 04/09/2016 20:59

this is from the csa website

The ‘paying parent’ is the parent who doesn’t have main day-to-day care of the child. The ‘receiving parent’ is the parent with main day-to-day care of the child.

eightbluebirds · 04/09/2016 20:59

What calculator where you using?? You are the resident parent, he should be paying you.

MinnieF1 · 04/09/2016 20:59

He has them four days in 14, so you have them for ten days. In what world do you owe him a penny? I don't understand sorry.

VimFuego101 · 04/09/2016 21:00

If the children live mainly with you, why would you need to pay him CM?

Longlost10 · 04/09/2016 21:00

I would expect him to be entitled to significantly more than that in spousal maintenance. What could he claim if he went to court? Does your calculator tell you that?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/09/2016 21:00

If there was no agreement on this made at mediation and he has them more nights for the majority of the year, he might be right. Can you adjust the schedule so you have them an equal number of nights per year?

Are you claiming child benefit? Who gets that?

BombadierFritz · 04/09/2016 21:00

so just go on the csa website and run through it with you receiving, his income, number of nights, and voila, how much.he should be paying

FuzzyOwl · 04/09/2016 21:01

If I am understanding you correctly, you are the parent with care (and presumably have child benefit in your name) so you should not be paying maintenance.

cuckooplusone · 04/09/2016 21:01

You are the main carer, the kids live with you 4/14 days. I thought that meant that he gave you money if anything! I have my dd for 5/7 days and receive child maintenance agreed in mediation, I earn around 60k but less than ex.

strongandlong · 04/09/2016 21:01

If you have 'main day to day care of the child' then he should be paying you.

From gov.uk:
^Step 6 - shared care
This is when a paying parent’s child stays overnight with them.

In these cases, the Child Maintenance Service makes a deduction to the weekly child maintenance amount based on the average number of ‘shared care’ nights a week.

The ‘paying parent’ is the parent who doesn’t have main day-to-day care of the child. The ‘receiving parent’ is the parent with main day-to-day care of the ^

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/09/2016 21:01

I misread as four days in a week - fort nightly that means you have them far more so you don't owe him a thing.

Original poster

notagainnellie · 04/09/2016 21:02

I used the gov website - you just put in the would-be paying parent's gross earnings and the number of nights per year, on average, that they have the dc. I had to put '3 or more', which in itself could be misleading. And there it just seems to go by how many nights you have them, without looking at what you actually pay for. Ex does have the dc, but he pays for nothing other than their food, and that makes a difference imo.

I'm so sick of the stress and hostility from him.

OP posts:

cuckooplusone · 04/09/2016 21:02

Sorry typo, I meant 10/14 obv

VimFuego101 · 04/09/2016 21:03

But you said he has them 4 nights per fortnight, less over the summer. How does that equal 3 or more per week?

Is the CB in your name?

BombadierFritz · 04/09/2016 21:04

you did the calculator thing the wrong way round. you are the receiving parent as you have main day to day care. what does it say if you do it that way? (its question 1 )

cuckooplusone · 04/09/2016 21:06

I wouldn't worry about what he pays for, it isn't relevant really. If he had the kids 5/7, you would be paying him, but it sounds like the other way round. If you think about it, there are indirect costs, like living in a bigger house so that the kids can stay perhaps, but it doesn't matter as they live more time with you (I suggest you put 2 days into the calculator as a weekly average)

sandgrown · 04/09/2016 21:06

As you are the primary carer he should pay you maintenance. Spousal.maintenance is a totally separate issue. I was married for 10 years but the judge,said I would not get spousal maintenance as I was young enough to work! ( not that I asked for it)

BombadierFritz · 04/09/2016 21:06

it doesnt work it out correctly if you put in yourself as paying parent. it tells you which parent you are in the small print we linked to, you are always the receiving parent unless you stop being the main carer

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