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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not have given a lift?

84 replies

Rosycheeksforthisone · 04/09/2016 00:37

I had a massive falling out with a family member last week, he verbally abused me and my husband and threatened my husband.

2 relatives of the nasty family member were attending a party tonight and asked for a lift, I agreed days ago, however tonight they text to say could I head down to collect them and that there would be an extra person to give a lift to, I asked who and they said 'don't worry we will walk' I figured they had relative with them and offered to collect them on there own, and I couldn't collect relative after their behaviour and not an apology.

They refused to leave him and have had to walk in the rain. I feel awful 🙁

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 04/09/2016 10:43

Wow, they sound awful.

It's very clear where their priorities are.

I woukdnt reply to the text, I'd just drop them. They are bad news for you and your family.

Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 10:44

I wouldn't be going anywhere near them

That is a terrible influence of your children

ohtheholidays · 04/09/2016 11:07

Op go completely NC with him and stick by your decision!

The oldest of the 3 of us(I refuse to call the cunt my brother)caused loads of trouble for my parents and so did his partner and all of his adult children and they caused loads of trouble for my brother and his family and for me and my family.I went NC with him,his paartner and his kids 5 years ago,best decision I ever made.My Mum trying to get me to change my mind.
She stopped when I had to help her get nearly £500 the cunt had conned my Mother out of when she was dying.

Him and his partner and his children hate that we wouldn't back down and they hate that lots of people know what they all did.That's karma at it's best Grin

As for your parents they know what he's done,stick with they'll have to visit you if they want to see you and they're grandchildren.

PoisonWitch · 04/09/2016 11:09

Echoing everyone else OP. I'd reply 'watch me'.

diddl · 04/09/2016 11:51

"Mum just replied saying ' you can't avoid our house or brother forever'"

I wonder what makes her think that??

Willow2016 · 04/09/2016 13:11

"you cant avoid our house or brother forever"

"WATCH ME"

Just imagine how calm your life will be without those toxic people in it. They sound mad as a box of frogs!

VimFuego101 · 04/09/2016 13:17

It sounds like it would be a really good idea to cut off contact before your baby is born.

40somethingwonderful · 04/09/2016 13:30

Toxic family. I'd go NC too.

PepsiPenguin · 04/09/2016 13:34

Fuck that, I'd go NC too - not something I say lightly but that sounds beyond toxic and honestly think your be much much happier without that shit in your life.

rollonthesummer · 04/09/2016 13:38

This isn't just your brother being horrible-it's your parents. You know that they have both lied to you to get money, yet you still have a relationship with them?!

Who would ask their pregnant daughter for a lift at midnight?! Can none of them drive?! Are there no taxis where you live?

Do you earn substantially more money than them-do they see you as a cash cow?

swisschocolate · 04/09/2016 13:39

He's 20.It's all such a mess really, he's just so selfish - he even conned all his friends a few weeks ago telling them since March he'd booked and paid for a lads holiday and then it transpired that he blew all the money.

Hmm, wasn't that a news story this week.

ifcatscouldtalk · 04/09/2016 13:54

Put you and your husband and children first. It will hurt but long term will be for the best. Personally I wouldn't even respond to your mothers text. Your actions will speak volumes. Sometimes silence gets a message across just as clearly. I wish you all the best.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/09/2016 15:35

No don't feel awful, when on earth would they expect you to give a lift to someone who was abusive to you. They could have shared a taxi.

justilou · 04/09/2016 15:39

Given that they were being less than forthcoming about who the "other person" was that they were expecting you to drive, I don't think you need to feel guilty at all. They were quite comfortable with the idea of you showing up and being put into an unexpected and uncomfortable situation....

ImperialBlether · 04/09/2016 15:44

What kind of parents expect their pregnant daughter to be acting as a taxi driver to them at midnight? Why couldn't they get a taxi between them, for god's sake?

Cherrysoup · 04/09/2016 15:46

You calling troll, Swisschocolate?

In such a situation, with parents lying, scamming money and a violent sibling, I would go nc. Asking you to give them a lift at midnight is totally unreasonable, they're idiots.

Original poster
Rosycheeksforthisone · 04/09/2016 16:13

I didn't mind, taxis are expensive.

It's just the brother issue. PS I haven't heard the news story but this wasn't involved with the police so I don't know how that would have any relevance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosycheeksforthisone · 04/09/2016 18:58

It's so silly I'm sure, burning with anger and resentment that I have to have no family due to the fact they won't deal with his actions.

They all continue as a family, and I get pushed away from them.

I asked my mum why would she condone his behaviour. She said 'he's my son, you are my daughter, if you don't want to see us then that's fine'

OP posts:
Willow2016 · 04/09/2016 19:12

It sounds trite but its true in your case. No family is better than a toxic family. Especially one which treat you like dirt, that your feelings mean nothing, that allow someone to physically attack them, steal and abuse their friends and family ad infinitium...thats not how a family works.

You will be much happier without having to spend your life second guessing what they will demand next or what your brother will do next. If they dont have the back bone to stand up to him now its only going to get worse and you will still be deemed unreasonable for not accepting it and they will continue to guilt trip you for not running after them like a skivvy. WHo the fuck phones their pregnant daughter to come and take them home at midnight? Who tries to con their daughter out of money? No decent parent thats who.

You have your own little family unit to be part of you do not need anyone in it who is like your family, enjoy your life with your oh and your baby when it comes, enjoy the freedom to be at nobodys beck and call, and to not be abused by your idiotic parents and brother. Will they still stand by him when he goes to jail for assault or fraud next time?

Tapandgo · 05/09/2016 17:44

Stand your ground and look after yourself - maybe they will all learn to behave right .................eventually......when they recognise there are limits.

Blondieblondie · 05/09/2016 17:53

What age are your other siblings?

BubblestarUK · 05/09/2016 18:12

OP I truly feel for you, I've been through similar with my family (though yours sounds worse) and I know the horrible tight feeling knot in your tummy and your heavy feeling in your heart. It is not your fault. You've been incredibly brave to stand up to this behaviour and call them out on it. Violence and defensive behaviour normally masks some form of guilt. You are not in the wrong here. In no way shape or form.

Narcissistic family members are dangerous, and once their grip on you starts to come undone by you, they will control the way people close to them wil see you. These are classic techniques that will make you feel so alone and miserable, but rest assured it's one step towards the end of this.

Back away from these people. You have your own family now, concentrate on them and making sure they become good people, and remember you are amazing.

We are all behind you, and you CAN ignore them forever. Trust me X

Flowers Block on social media, block phone numbers, remove every trace of them and their tainted poison before it infects you or your children or marriage.
embo1 · 05/09/2016 18:16

Your parents obviously knew it would be an issue and tried to hide the fact it was him. How odd.
As if you wouldn't recognise him when you got there...

Katherine2626 · 05/09/2016 18:25

You are not a taxi service for ignorant and rude people. They could have called a cab - and they were being sneaky. Try to forget it - not worth worrying about.

SouthWindsWesterly · 05/09/2016 18:28

They're Narcs and he's the golden child who can do no wrong or they're scared of his reaction if they stand up to him. Whatever, you don't need this stress. Block their numbers, block then on social media and fell the stress go away. You're busy growing another human being to put up with this shit.

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