to think DP should enable me to have a life now DC is at school?

[mendimoo]

I have been home schooling DS who has high functioning autism but this year he will be starting school (going into year 3.) We have 2 year old DD and DP works four days on three days off. I was hoping that on his days off I could go to the gym while DD naps and he looked most put out and said he'd thought we'd be spending time together [in bed]. I haven't had a moment to myself pretty much since DS was born and the thought of getting DD to sleep only to have to go and entertain DP and keep him happy pisses me off. I just want a bit of time and space for me.

When DD starts school I plan to do my PGCE because I've always wanted to be a primary teacher. My friend works at DS' new school and she has offered that I can go in and help in her class any day I'm free (when DP is off to have DD) so I'll have lots of experience before my training to be a teacher. The school offers placements for trainee teachers which could then turn into a job at my DCs school which is a ten mins walk from home - it could work out perfectly. DP is not keen. He is sulking saying he thought DS starting school would mean he'd see more of me, not that I'd use him as a baby sitter while I go off gallavanting leaving him without any down time.

I think he is BU because he goes to the gym on each of his four work days and because the teaching experience is beneficial for our future finances, never mind the babysitting comment. Even with two hours at the gym and three hours helping at school that's still a lot of the day together. AIBU to think he should be willing to enable me to have a life and that he's being selfish to expect me to just spend his days off with him and never have time to myself or do anything for myself?

YANBU

But don't get too far ahead of yourself planning how you are going to be teaching at your DS's school - you might hate teaching, you might not get a placement at his school, you might not get a job at his school.

Op, I would triple up on your contraception

This bloke wants you barefoot in the kitchen

He just seems useless so I do everything. He can't make a picnic because he has no idea what the kids will eat so if I don't do it they won't eat. If we have to be out at a certain time and I'm in the shower, it wouldn't even occur to him to get the kids ready during that time - he will wait for me to do it even if that then means we run late. He doesn't do anything unless specifically instructed and even then asks 200 questions and takes so long I may as well have done it myself.

This is so obviously deliberate helplessness. If he can function at work, and get himself to and from work at the right time, of course he can work out how to do a picnic and the fact that the children need to be ready at certain times. Don't enable him.

I agree Judy he's deliberately 'hapless' a great avoidant technique to keep op in servitude.

Oh FUCK HIM. "Babysitting" and passive aggressive being useless at everything, so you have to do it?!? Nope!

Just start doing you (going to the gym for three hours whenever you want, several times a week. Pursuing this PGCE etc), and if he doesn't get with the program, then it's time to leave him.

If you're feeling charitable, type up the "rules" of bedtime routines or lunchbox making so he can't go wrong... but honestly, if you're able to keep track why can't he? It's not quantum mechanics, it's remembering food preferences for his family members.

He will have to step up a lot if you do a pgce - you will be working all hours, evenings, weekends. One extreme to the other.

He is a selfish twat. I would stop doing anything for him. No clean clothes, no meals, nothing.

the door's that way. Mind he doesn't hit himself on the way out.

I'm struggling to think of a single reason why you would want to stay with this repellent bellend.

Sorry, can't bear threads like this. They give me the absolute RAGE.

I simply cannot believe that there are still families/couples that operate in this way in 2016.

YABU for enabling his behaviour. Sorry OP but you have to accept responsibility too for allowing this to go on for such a long time.

Is there anything less sexy than being told you're going to spend your precious time when your child is napping to go back into bed yourself and perform wifely duties with your H. Yuck.

I like the poster saying that you'll not go to the gym, but he's not allowed to either.

Sounds as if he's got a bit too used to you being at home. Tell him he can't babysit his own bloody children and unless he changes his attitude pronto there'll be no special adult bedtime naps either in the day or night time for quite a while.

He most definitely is pretending to be useless. Making a picnic is not hard. A child could do it.

I would guess that he doesn't want you to be independent. You will then have the means to leave his sorry ass.

Another thread mendimoo 🙁 Things really aren't improving any are they?! He's a complete waste of space & a total drain on you. I honestly fail to see why you stay with him, life would be so much better on your own with the kids.

DO NOT miss out on this classroom experience with your friend & anything else you can do to enable you to return to work, the sooner the better.

I wouldn't need any contraception because he'd get nowhere near me, but if you are still having sex with the stupid twat, double contraception minimum before you do end up pregnant & knee deep in nappies again!

YADNBU. What a selfish man. Sorry, mendimoo.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2543620-Incompetent-husband-anyone-else?

Try reading through this and see if it rings any bells. It's about a woman whose life is literally ruled by her husband's incompetence.

Hopefully you can find a way to get through to him. Good luck.

This is awful. AWFUL.

That you have to even question whether yabu beggars belief.

Why do you think his behaviour is acceptable? How can you possibly?

He is selfish, self absorbed and just utterly awful.

I would never sleep with a man like this in a month of Sunday's. Your post actually made me feel simultaneously sick and sad.

You sound like my best friend op, I love her dearly but I get so frustrated with her.

You both seem to have some mental blockage where you both think your men are incapable of being adults. He is a selfish arsehole only concerned with sex and his own shit but because he is 'nice' sometimes she overlooks it 'for the sake of the kids'

Don't be a mug.

I cannot actually believe that anyone would put up with this.

Even in your op your expecting him to allow you.

Just fucking do it. Anybody that wants to stop an adult learning is a prick

So he wants to spend ALL of the free time you have in bed? Every day? What's the matter with him? He needs treatment if he needs three hours a day in the gym and another three hours having sex. Yuck. Get him seen to. He needs a vet. Grim.

This sounds like a shit life for you OP.

I imagine your life would be far easier and happier without this wankbadger weighing you down.

I cannot actually believe that anyone would put up with this.

Well, perhaps some of the attraction is that his earnings help her take a year out of work to home school her son?

You really do need to pursue the teaching option so as to be able to fully independent. Tell him that if he really wanted to see more of you he would spend less time in the gym, and more time helping you.

Wow ,I'm amazed you put up with it..

He knows nothing about the DC because you have let him away with this. Tell him what they'll eat, ask him to get them ready while you shower, get your arse into school if you want to no tell him to fuck right off with his bollocks about 'babysitting'. Jesus. I have the rage.