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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel disappointed that my kids wont play sports or join any clubs?

17 replies

innerturmoil · 01/09/2016 21:53

Over the years I've tried all sorts of things - school sports, saturday clubs, instruments, etc My eldest 2 (DD 13 and DS 11) have gone to a few things but always end up losing interest and not wanting to return. They are now really disinterested whenver I bring up new ideas: scouts/guides, or a new sport they haven't tried and discounted etc, or something social and non competitive but i just encounter apathy. I feel so sad and disappointed and feel awful that I feel that way as I just want them to find something (ANYTHING!) that they like to do that means they have fun and hang out with others. It's that time of year when others are signing up for things or going back to clubs and I am trying again to interest them but feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. My youngest DD 10 is up for all sorts and happy to give most things a go even though she's shy, and has found a number of clubs she really likes so I don't understand where I've gone wrong with the other 2.....

OP posts:

heateallthebuns · 01/09/2016 21:54

Why do you think you've gone wrong? Maybe they don't like joining in type hobbies. What's wrong with that? Do they have friends otherwise?

BlancheBlue · 01/09/2016 21:55

Maybe they prefer doing stuff on their own, not in the club environment

QueenofLouisiana · 01/09/2016 21:57

Do they do things that don't involve clubs? Maybe craft or music?

We tried all manner of different things with DS until we found his thing- karate, football, rugby, golf, tennis..... all the kit is under my stairs.

Cocochoco · 01/09/2016 21:57

My kids are like this and I was thinking this evening that I've probably missed the boat as far as clubs go. I really each they would do drama!

Cocochoco · 01/09/2016 21:58

Wish they would do drama!

Original poster

innerturmoil · 01/09/2016 22:01

My son would just play video games all the time if we let him. He is not sporty and I respect that and don't want to make him do anything he doesn't like but just wish he could find something other than computers etc to get excited about.

OP posts:

MylaMimi · 01/09/2016 22:18

I wasn't that bothered about clubs etc as a child but was made to do music lessons, Brownies and swimming without argument or discussion. My eldest child is ambivalent about clubs but I make her do an after-school sports one and she'll be starting a musical instrument this year. I said it was a choice of this after-school club or the other, and this musical instrument or the other. Either way, she was going to an after school club and an instrument! She does swimming weekly too but that really is totally non-negotiable, it's a life skill not an activity as such.

If I didn't sign her up in a no-nonsense kind of way I have no doubt that she would spend all that time doing nothing in particular. She has plenty of free time to do what she wants so I don't think it's harsh. Plus I want to get her used to participating even if it's not 100% excitement for her. If she came to me with an alternative she really wanted to try, of course I'd let her though.

yeOldeTrout · 01/09/2016 22:18

Some kids are just joiners & others not. I have 4 DC: 2 joiners, 2 not. The Not Joiners make me grind my teeth, but I try to remind them that it's good to get outside their comfort zones & keep trying different things. My mother used to sign me up for things that completely weren't right for me, took a long time to find my things.

QueenofLouisiana · 01/09/2016 22:18

I tried to find computer type clubs for a child I work with. Similar situation, very into gaming and some programming, not a lot else.
I couldn't find any options. A potential gap in the market I think.

MylaMimi · 01/09/2016 22:20

innerturmoil can you find a computer club for your DS?

Original poster

innerturmoil · 01/09/2016 22:36

I think there will be one at his new school - just about to start secondary - I'm v happy for him to join that, but again, something else other than computers would broaden his outlook I think. I like the non negotiable thing - might try that for swimming at least.

OP posts:

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 01/09/2016 22:41

I have a non joiner. It is frustrating because they struggle with social skills anyway. Just off to secondary but they are still meh about everything apart from Minecraft! I used to insist eg for cubs but the lack of cooperation from his father made it very difficult.

Moanranger · 01/09/2016 22:46

My two are ultimately non- joiners, but you do need to expose them to a range of activities. Maybe have a rule that they do one sporty thing & one other activity each term. They will protest. This is known as setting boundaries. My now adult son played golf as a child for a few years. It turns out he did not actually like it, but felt he had to. But it got him out of house, learned a skill, had lessons, interacted with other kids. He doesn't golf now, but that's not important.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/09/2016 22:48

Ds3 was very much like this - we tried various things, but he didn't enjoy any of them, and left.

Then he made a friend whose dad coached a local hockey team, and the friend invited him along - and he loved it. He played for that club for a couple of years, then he and his friend moved on to a bigger club in a higher league, and played for them until they left school for university - ds3 now plays for his university hockey club.

He just needed to find his niche - the same could well happen for your dc. All you can do is offer them the opportunities and encourage them to try new things.

hillyhilly · 01/09/2016 22:55

I have two a bit like this, they are young enough (9&11 now) that they still do what we decide to a large extent but although they do a sport and cub/brownies each they'd just as happily not go.
DD has finally found a drama group on Saturdays that she adores and that must not be missed, in addition to which she likes guides but I struggle to get her to muster any enthusiasm for any sport.
I have said that she must do at least one sport so currently it's badminton.
DS the 9 year old, tootles off to cubs, badminton and rugby but cheers if he can't go to any of them. I think he's finally actually looking forward to his rugby as hell start tackling this year.

I struggle to accept that sport may just not be their thing - they both swim competently after years of lessons but it just doesn't light their fire.

TowerRavenSeven · 01/09/2016 23:04

Ds (14) is like this too, he's pretty good in sports but not interested in any teams, or classes, groups, etc. at least he has scouts! I boil it down to he finds it stressful to be on the go all the time, it's as simple as that. We have friends that do two/three/four (!) extracurriculars and the thought of it exhausts me!

He is who he is. I wasn't one for lots of groups either...not that they were really offered to us though.

RunningLulu · 01/09/2016 23:56

Are they against family sporting activities too? If not you could do something all together religiously every week - climbing or cycling etc

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