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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU about this wedding situation?

58 replies

KikiAndSherona · 01/09/2016 20:27

Sorry another wedding one. Tis the season and all that.

Basically DP and I have been invited to a wedding soon. It's over a 4 hour drive away, and we are invited to the evening part. It's one of his old friends from uni. We have a toddler and have only had one chance to go out for a meal together for a few hours since she was born. My DM is having toddler overnight so this will be the first time we have had a night away just the two of us. Booked in to the hotel where the wedding is, which is a nice venue.

DP used to DJ when he was a student. Clubs/house parties type thing. The friend who is getting married has asked him to DJ at his wedding. Apparently the person they have hired is only doing a certain length of time (which I find very odd but never mind), then they were going to make a playlist of songs to play for the remainder.

I am not happy about him DJing. The only other person I will know at the whole wedding is the groom, and I'm just going to end up sat on my own until he's finished. I am very much an introvert and can't see myself getting involved in conversations with random people I don't know (and it will be an evening do anyway so assuming the music will be loud too). I wanted to have a nice night together and this is just stressing me out. He's under the impression that 'if someone asks you to do something you should do it' but I've told him he's perfectly entitled to say no. It's so close to the wedding now (within days) and he's leaving it really late to just be straight about it. I told him ages ago that i don't want him to do it but he's not even said anything to the groom about it!

Am I being really awful here? I'm generally a very laid back person and we hardly ever argue and I'm really second guessing myself here. Apparently he's spoken to various friends/family and they are all of the opinion that he should do it no questions asked Hmm I don't want to travel all that way to just sit nursing a drink alone.

OP posts:
CatsCantFlyFast · 01/09/2016 20:30

It sounds too late now for him to change his mind. He could have said no when first asked or shortly afterwards, but this close to the wedding would be leaving them in the lurch.

If you're really not keen on just sitting alone why don't you plan to go back to your room with a nice glass of wine, book and a bath and enjoy some relaxing time? I know it's not what you had hoped for with your night away but it could be lovely to be able to chill out too, and would make the best of the situation you are in?

JacquettaWoodville · 01/09/2016 20:34

I would do exactly that - bath and some wine.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 01/09/2016 20:35

If he says no - which he is fully entitled to - I bet you both will feel shit sat listening to a play list when people prob know your dh has been asked to DJ. If there is a DJ at the start of the night ask your dh to introduce you to some guests so you can sit with them while he does his stuff! After a few glasses maybe you will be more up for socialising with new people. And make sure you plan how your dh can make it up to you later on!

LeonardInTheArgosBag · 01/09/2016 20:35

Could he make a playlist of songs on his iPod, and just plug it in to the sound system?

That's what I'd do, if I was an unpaid DJ who had only been invited to the evening do!

NicknameUsed · 01/09/2016 20:36

So, you have been invited to an evening do only that is 4 hours away. The groom is being cheapskate by getting your partner to DJ for him.

It doesn't sound like much of an evening out for either of you. I'd be inclined to just not go.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 01/09/2016 20:44

Yep he is using your dh and not even buying you dinner, right arse chancer but your dh has left it too late to grow a pair so I'm afraid you either need to suck it up and go while he dj's/gets used or you cancel, book a different hotel and have a nice child free night alone, I know what I'd do

Nutellas · 01/09/2016 20:46

The groom is taking the piss, but you know that.

Do as pp said and head back to your room with wine and a good book. Heaven.

Original poster
KikiAndSherona · 01/09/2016 20:46

He said about the playlist thing but the groom said that's what they were doing anyway.

The bath thing is a nice idea I suppose but I can do that at home any evening I want. I don't want to travel all that way to get dressed up then end up alone in the room after a couple of hours.

The thing is as well, he's not even prepared for it if he thinks he's going to do it anyway. He has no music to play (we stream everything nowadays), no set list prepared or anything. He's at work tomorrow then we are travelling down to my DM's house tomorrow evening so there's literally no time to prepare anything unless he pulls an all-nighter tonight Angry

OP posts:
whywonthedgehogssharethehedge · 01/09/2016 20:55

Our DJ cancelled on us last minute so a friend stepped in. He was asked if we could borrow his kit and chuck a playlist on. In the end he did a bit of both and really enjoyed the evening.

Are you being expected to take a load of kit with you? What time will he be taking over from? Doing say 11-12 to add a little is very different from doing 9 or 10 onwards.

eddielizzard · 01/09/2016 20:58

well personally i'd cancel your mum and stay at home. your dp can do what he wants - go or not.

get your mum to babysit another night so you can go off and have some time to yourselves.

Zombieswillreign · 01/09/2016 20:59

If he hasn't said to the groom he dosnt want to do it,then he clearly does.if he hasn't prepared ,than that's his problem.hes a grown man.go with the flow...you might enjoy yrself ,you never know...if you really can't face it.pack yr rabbit and have a nice evening alone in a hotel room

Justaboy · 01/09/2016 21:11

Get up there and get on the mic sister and start the rapping about how pissed off you are with the situation after all that's what most all rappers do , complain!.

Seriously you ought to have a go, there are quite a few women around who are DJ's and Presenters you might just like it and really surprise his nibbs in the bargain, that'll mind him;!

SienaSun · 01/09/2016 21:12

Yanbu
4 hours for the evening only to be an unpaid DJ! The groom is taking the piss but your problem is your partner has agreed to it, without thinking about you at all. I wouldn't go. Like you said, you can drink wine in the bath at home!

SolidGoldBrass · 01/09/2016 21:18

Getting your H to introduce you to some other people while he is with you and the other FJ is on sounds like the best solution. Yes, the groom is taking advantage by asking your H to DJ for the evening, for no pay and without even being invited to the wedding, but your best bet is to make the most of it.

AGenie · 01/09/2016 21:18

I would also stay at home and let him go.

foursillybeans · 01/09/2016 21:25

I'm assuming that he would be doing the later set so from 9 or 10pm. If so then I do think yabu - a bit anyway. It's all organised and decided. Tbh your DP has dropped you in it and I would be pissed in your position but the point is you can't change it now. I would enjoy the drive/time together on the way there, enjoy the early part of the receiption and then sneak off quietly when your DP starts DJing and enjoy the quiet time in your hotel room to relax. A night away is still a night away.

Sazzle99 · 01/09/2016 21:25

The cheek! I would also stay at home. Or fake an illness so neither of you have to go Blush and save your night out for something you can both do together

Justaboy · 01/09/2016 21:27

Course you could engage in some "smoochy" dances that 'll show him:)

heateallthebuns · 01/09/2016 21:31

I would go and go up to room if I hadn't met people to chat too when dh starts. My dh always stays up waaaaay later then me at weddings anyway.

MargaretCavendish · 01/09/2016 21:35

So 'soon' is actually Saturday, the day after tomorrow? I really don't think he can pull out now unless you pull out completely, i.e. pretend there is a good reason you now can't go at all. If you find talking to strangers awkward I don't think you're going to like the atmosphere of a wedding where your partner is the guy who agreed to DJ and then pulled out (at this point) the day before...

Original poster
KikiAndSherona · 01/09/2016 21:36

He's told him he's not doing it now. But now we are arguing because he's going on about how he doesn't understand my point of view about the whole situation and it's winding me up. I don't want to fucking go now Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
KikiAndSherona · 01/09/2016 21:37

Also thanks everyone for your input. It's nice to know I'm not being a horrible bitch.

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 01/09/2016 21:39

Incidentally, although I do agree with everyone else that it's a bit much to ask someone to DJ and then not even invite them to the whole wedding (but then I think evening guests is generally an awful concept that we wouldn't tolerate for any event but a wedding), I wonder if the groom is thinking of it a bit differently because your partner used to DJ. He might see it as a nice 'like old times!' thing, rather than a chore he's imposed.

MargaretCavendish · 01/09/2016 21:42

He's told him he's not doing it now.

What, in the last forty minutes?! I definitely wouldn't go if I were you - I think what your partner has done here is absolutely dreadful.

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses · 01/09/2016 21:43

Ask him how he'd feel sat in a room full of strangers whilst you were off doing something he couldn't join in with.

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