AIBU about this wedding situation?

[KikiAndSherona]

Sorry another wedding one. Tis the season and all that.

Basically DP and I have been invited to a wedding soon. It's over a 4 hour drive away, and we are invited to the evening part. It's one of his old friends from uni. We have a toddler and have only had one chance to go out for a meal together for a few hours since she was born. My DM is having toddler overnight so this will be the first time we have had a night away just the two of us. Booked in to the hotel where the wedding is, which is a nice venue.

DP used to DJ when he was a student. Clubs/house parties type thing. The friend who is getting married has asked him to DJ at his wedding. Apparently the person they have hired is only doing a certain length of time (which I find very odd but never mind), then they were going to make a playlist of songs to play for the remainder.

I am not happy about him DJing. The only other person I will know at the whole wedding is the groom, and I'm just going to end up sat on my own until he's finished. I am very much an introvert and can't see myself getting involved in conversations with random people I don't know (and it will be an evening do anyway so assuming the music will be loud too). I wanted to have a nice night together and this is just stressing me out. He's under the impression that 'if someone asks you to do something you should do it' but I've told him he's perfectly entitled to say no. It's so close to the wedding now (within days) and he's leaving it really late to just be straight about it. I told him ages ago that i don't want him to do it but he's not even said anything to the groom about it!

Am I being really awful here? I'm generally a very laid back person and we hardly ever argue and I'm really second guessing myself here. Apparently he's spoken to various friends/family and they are all of the opinion that he should do it no questions asked I don't want to travel all that way to just sit nursing a drink alone.

God I hate cancelling stuff because my dh can't face it. Frankly I don't see the Problem -couldn't you have helped him DJ by handing him stuff or something if you really couldn't cope with making conversation or even have a peaceful time sitting with other introverts not talking? Isn't the best part of a night away the lie in, late morning shag and room service breakfast?

When did the groom actually ask your dh to dj?

Your DH is a mug. You and him would have turned up for the evening part, present in hand, no cost to the b and g, and he would have dj'ed for free for the groom. They are taking the piss.

One of our closest friends will do our wedding and we will still pay him and invite him to the full day. Plus any equipment costs will be included in the price.

The whole thing sounds like a shambles tbh!

That aside, he is also being an idiot for not understanding your introversion, but otoh get some booze in you, and get chatting to people and dancing!

We have a toddler and have only had one chance to go out for a meal together for a few hours since she was born

I see this a lot on here. Have you never heard of babysitters? This kind of non problem (let him DJ, you stay home, obviously) wouldn't seem much of an issue if you went out occasionally. Why not do so?

He asked him about 3/4 months ago. He's known my feelings about it since he first asked.

He's changing his story now saying he said a while ago he would do a playlist instead, then groom contacted him today saying 'it's a shame you can't DJ, are you sure?' kind of thing, and he's replied saying he's not comfortable with it because it's been too long and he will be very rusty. So Margaret you might be right with what you've just said. This isn't the story he told me just before I posted though

What he said to me earlier tonight was 'groom has asked about the DJing thing' and didn't elaborate. WHY NOT TELL ME THE WHOLE STORY RATHER THAN GET ME WOUND UP ABOUT IT AGAIN. Good lord!

He's not usually this much of an arse, I swear.

Hedda we simply cannot afford to pay a babysitter and pay for a night out as well. What's so difficult to understand? We have only just managed to scrape together the money to travel down, pay for the hotel, pay for a present and drinks etc for this wedding.

Its not that expensive. See it as an investment in your marriage, more people should do it, they might fight less about stuff like weddings!

Brilliant, thanks for the advice. I am a student and DP works full time. We pay an extortionate amount of money for nursery fees per month. I'll just magic the money out of thin air shall I?

Sorry he asked 3/4months ago and your dh changes his mind a few days before the wedding?! You can't do that and still go!!

Weddings. They should be banned. And people should definitely not be allowed to ask friends / relatives / anyone to do really annoying favours for them, which they know will be a real pain or inconvenience or stress. And they definitely should not bankrupt their friends and relatives by arranging hen parties or weddings in super expensive and difficult places to get to. But they always do! I've started being 'unavailable'.

If you can afford a hotel, travel, gifts etc you could afford a couple of hours in the local pub once in a while.
But thats beside the point. He was asked to DJ and said yes. You cannot get him to tell them no a few days ahead but still turn up as a guest, that would get you the cheeky fecker wedding medal. Who would have the gall to do that?

If you can afford a hotel, travel, gifts etc you could afford a couple of hours in the local pub once in a while.
But thats beside the point. He was asked to DJ and said yes. You cannot get him to tell them no a few days ahead but still turn up as a guest, that would get you the cheeky fecker wedding medal. Who would have the gall to do that?

I'm not entirely sure he said yes to begin with. From what he's telling me, they agreed to him doing a playlist instead and then the groom has done the whole 'it's a shame you can't dj' thing today. He went to his stag do a couple of weeks ago so I'm guessing they agreed the playlist thing then. But who knows! I can't even be arsed to speak to him right now.

I suppose I need to find out exactly what was agreed and when, and decide from there. I agree though that I will be mortified if he's given the impression he's being doing a proper DJ set and then said no 2 days before the event.

HeddaLettuce why do you find it so difficult to understand that some people don't actually know anyone who can babysit for them?

Regardless of whether he should or shouldn't dj, he said he would and is now dropping out just before the wedding. That's not on. I wouldn't show your faces st the evening do in these circumstances your dh has made you look like a pair of numpties

HeddaLettuce why do you find it so difficult to understand that some people don't actually know anyone who can babysit for them?

Because there are these magical things called babysitters that you source and pay for! Why do you find it so hard to understand that its not just people you already know that you can get to babysit?

I personally wouldn't go if he's agreed to do it. I wouldn't want to be sitting on my own all night. How boring.

Makes me wonder if it's the only reason your DP was invited really. He's basically been invited to do a job for free.

How inconsiderate for the groom not to think of you.

I can't find any babysitters who can watch my children, Hedda. My son has ASD and I haven't found someone in almost seven years. There aren't always babysitters available

Well firstly, the B&G are taking the piss. You're only invited to the evening do but they're getting free DJing out of your DH?

Nevertheless, it is shitty of your DH to let them down with so little notice.

"Because there are these magical things called babysitters that you source and pay for!"

When you are new to an area where do you source them from? Would you be happy to have a complete stranger you have never met before look after your small child? I wouldn't.

DD was small in the days before broadband so I wouldn't have known where to start looking.

Oh for goodness sake, just tell him to say no...and that he wants to spend time with his wife! [shocked]

It's fine for him to do it. He obviously enjoys playing DJ and hasn't done it for ages. Maybe you could just dance or chill out in the bedroom. The official DJ will be doing quite a few hours, so it's only a couple of hours or so really for him.

hedda. It's not that simple for all people.

We didn't have a sitter for 2.5yrs as we moved to a new place and i wasn't just going to let anyone come into my home and look after my DC. The one I did find, even though cheap at $10 an hour (normally $15/hr here) is a friends daughter, but it took me a long time to make a friend and then sort out the sitting.

Having said that I've only used her twice, the last time it cost all in, $140, for me to go out for 2 drinks and a piece of cake ffs. I've been unemployed for over a year and we now only have a bit of spare money as DH is working away. So no, not everyone can just book a sitter to keep the marriage fires burning!

sounds like the groom just wanted a freebie

my sister got our other sisters boyf to play at her wedding but paid him and invited him to the whole day